Day 15 of doing a 31-day poetry prompt challenge. Today’s prompt is “Learning to Love Myself”.
Poem of the Day: My Home
Poetry: The Light
I wrote this in 2006 about my husband, then boyfriend. I tend to put a lot of my worth in the person I’m romantically involved with. This is another BPD trait.
Rising from darkness I struggle to find
the light in the oblivion
that has become my life.
The light is bright with love without conditions .
The light tells me I’m good enough.
The light is you.
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Poetry: Dying Innocence
I wrote this is 2006 in for my creative writing class. I wrote thinking about my sexuality when I was a teenager. I was hypersexual from a young age.
She was an adult like sixteen years old
Hormones racing like the speed of light
These were bitter enemies of the cold
Powerful sensations she had to fight
Had the body of a mature woman
But the maturity of one she lacked
But still she chose a stranger man
He told her quickly “Lie on your back.”
She was swiftly incapacitated
Gone forever, her norms and behavior
As her callow body palpitated
With her lengthy new found pleasure
And this was the unforeseen joyous end
Of her already dying innocence
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Poetry: Despicable
I wrote this poem in 2006 for my creative writing class. Men in general inspired this poem. Lol.
Despicable is the emptiness of talk
It is that which makes me gawk
The realization of your words so thin
Give my heart a monumental sting
I should’ve put on my idiot proof smock
You should’ve stayed silent as a rock
Instead of whispering nothings to me on the dock
That’s when I should’ve stopped listening
Despicable is the emptiness of talk
Your mouth should’ve been padded with a lock
Then you wouldn’t have taken me on a walk
To your park full of crock
I got on your moronic swing
I shouldn’t have answered your knock
Despicable is the emptiness of talk
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Poetry: A Poetic Tale
I wrote this narrative poem in 2005 in my creative writing class.
I will tell you my loving tale
About the day I saw
The most incredibly hot male
Standing in the raw
Naked, he was as a newborn
Why and how I did ask
He asked me not to be a thorn
To enjoy as he basked
And I did enjoy this great view
But still I did ask
What is this visit due to?
And will it be the last?
All he did was show me his teeth
And replied “no its not”
A lot of me you’ll bequeathed
It’s you I’ve always sought
And this was the ending of my tale
About the day I learned
From that translucent and wise male
Love can pleasantly burn
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Poetry: Andrew
I wrote this inspired by the first time I met Andrew. I think I kept on thinking about him and getting nostalgic because I was so carefree and happy when I was with him.
Not a boy but not yet a man
He took my sweaty hand
Dancing was his aim
Andrew was his name
And with his clown feet
He showed me moves so weak
And an excuse I was about to invent
But then the moment went
And that was our when
the slow music started to lure
strong emotions started to brew
Innocent love soon ensued
I was his world, he was mine
We were the most perfect rhyme
But then reality hit
A truth we couldn’t beat
And even though I’ve moved on
It’s Andrew, I’ll always yearn for
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Poetry: Acknowledgement
I wrote this in 2006 thinking back on my time with Lucas.
A shadow of our friendship
is all there is left
After life gets in the way
of wanting something more
And when I see you around
A wave, a nod
An acknowledgement we once knew
Each other
Our conversations are now long gone
But we’re forever etched in each
other’s minds and dreams
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Poetry: License
I wrote this poem in 2002 about my oldest son’s bio dad. I had a lot of angry emotions about how he abandoned him.
A license to create is what shouldn’t
Be given to those who don’t know how to
Appreciate their child’s laughter
Or comfort their high pitch cries
A license to create is what shouldn’t
Be given to those who don’t understand
What it takes to be an example to
Those that descend from them
A license to create is what shouldn’t
Be given to those who leave children
In the dust to follow their own desires
Without looking back on their offspring’s
sad little face that whimpers,
“Daddy, come back”
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Poetry: Frustrating
I wrote this in 2006 when me and my husband were in this monotonous routine of kids, work, and school. I felt lonely in our relationship and it was hard for me to express it to him.
It’s frustrating
Living like this
Without desire or passion
The only thing that’s left for us
Is to leave from here
This everlasting ocean of loneliness
In which we are drowning
And separately swim to the shore
of happiness
Where we both belong
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Poem of the Day: Hypocrite
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Poem: The Cold Shoulder
I wrote this about my husband in 2006 when I thought he was being distant.
You didn’t think that I wouldn’t notice
That you have stopped caring for me
That when I reach to touch you
There is no response
How could something that started so beautiful
And intense end up so bland and empty
We’re together
But worlds apart
You no longer share
Your worries, your dreams
Everything that we once were
Has been shredded to pieces
But both of us deny it
You won’t tell me what’s wrong
Our silences are starting to be dreadfully long
Why can’t you just tell me
The whats, whys, and whens
Of falling out of love with me
And get our breakup over with.
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Poetry: I Think
I wrote this poem in 2004 when I was depressed because I felt my husband pulling away from me.
I think sometimes
It is better to die
Than to live this big lie
We like to call life
I think sometimes
It is better to escape
Then face
Such an unfair fate
I think sometimes
It is better to have the earth eat you up
Than to have to hurt so much
Over treacherous love
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Poem of the Day: Nice Dress
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Poetry: Refusal
I wrote this poem in 2004 when I was pregnant with my second child and mad at my boyfriend (future husband) for his lack of affection and attention to me. I was obviously very upset when I wrote this poem and instead of talking to him I wrote and bottled up my anger.
You refuse to see
All the hurt you’re causing me
With your indifferent ways
It’s a miracle you haven’t yet gone astray
You refuse to see
Our son is paying the fee
He may still be in my belly
But the tears you cause me
Also affect him
You refuse to see
That one day soon you’ll lose me
If you don’t stop
Being so fucking cold.
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Poetry: Uncaring
I wrote this poem in 2004 about my husband, then boyfriend. I guess I was mad about his lack of affection. As you can see, this is a pattern for me. I bottle my emotions up until one day I explode.
If you don’t want any of this
You should just leave
I can’t take anymore
Of your uncaring words
I don’t want to keep you from
Having your fun
So just go away
You only hurt me if you stay
Go back to the way you used to be
Alone, happy, and free
And take your precious independence
You prefer it to our relationship nonsense
So stop acting like you care
To us, it wouldn’t be fair
Adieu, adios, and goodbye
To our enormous love lie
Life on the BPD 