vivo en un mundo de incertidumbre contigo que me deja agotada, que me das ganas de morir tratando de adivinar tu siguiente paso tratando de entender porque que te alejas de me tratando de ser suficiente para ti mientras tu apenas me das lo mas minimos de amor y respect me pregunto -ΒΏvalera la pena vivir tanta miseria?
me acuesto en mi cama en una vida llena de mentiras fingiendo que estoy bien mientras guardo una miseria profunda dentro de mi misma esperando que un hombre me salve Esperando que mi destino se transforme espero, espero, espero que algo cambie en mi vida para que pare de obsessionar por que nunca soy suficiente
quisiera ser una maga para que te olvides de mi para que nunca hubiese existido en tu vida porque me odio por haberte causado un mundo de dolor pero no vivimos en un cuento de hadas
Vivimos en una realidad dura donde soy incapaz de decirte algo para que tu dolor sea mΓ‘s fΓ‘cil para superar lo ΓΊnico que puedo hacer es rezar por ti, desearte lo mejor, y esperar que algun dia encuentres el valor para empezar denuevo con alguien que te sepa amar
C.E Hoffmanβs chapbook collection Blood, Booze and Other Things in Nature is definitely a must read if you like your poetry vulnerable and thought provoking . This collection is raw and in your face and doesnβt shy away from telling you the harsh truth about the world but the poet does in a way thatβs witty and full of dark humor. The poet addresses complex issues of mental health, love, sex, parenthood, and poverty. They address the inequalities that hit you in the gut and make you question the status quo.. Iβve never read a poetry collection like this before. Iβll talk about 4 poems from the book that I really liked. Their poetry feels like thoughts Iβve had that I have been too afraid to write down; much less share with the world.
The first poem is βBloom (Blow Job) βand I really liked how this poem transitioned from giving a blowjob to other things in the poetβs life. I interpreted as things to talk about or are talked about after a blowjob. The line in this poem that really resonated with me was βyou wipe spit from your cheek when/your lover says it was the hardest they came in their life, and/you believe them β(Hoffman). Iβve had this said to me quite a few times and my friend has as well. It’s a common line that men say to their partners/flings. Yes, MEN, we do talk about these things.
Another poem that resonated with me was βMagnificent Shitsβ in which the poet talks about how they imagine their unborn child to be like and how much they already love them . I resonated with this poem because as a parent myself, Iβve had similar thoughts. I resonated with the lines, βBut no matter where you go/forever drives your soul/YOU ARE A MASTERPIECE that shits and smiles and needs and creates and kisses/explores and speeds β(Hoffman). These capture that feeling of loving your child and acknowledging their humanness.
Another poem I really liked from this collection is βPrenatal Yoga aka Relearning Breathβ. It deals with complex issues of βpassingβ and even deals with the poet dealing with privilege. The line that I really liked from this poem was, βAnd I know itβs strange to find peace in a space of appropriation/βcause 8 outta 9 of our faces are white/ so when it comes to βpassingβ/ I really canβt talk, can I? β(Hoffman) As a woman of color whoβs spent most of her time in predominantly white spaces, I understand this sentiment of feeling like an βotherβ or βout of placeβ. Often at times, I try to blend in and 9 out of 10 times, I am able to without incident. However, there is that 10 % where I feel uncomfortable because something unintentionally prejudiced is said or a wrong assumption is made about me.
New Moon in Cancer (Radical Honesty 101) was my favorite poem in this book. I interpreted this poem as the anxiety of the poet written in verse. I loved how honest Hoffman is in addressing everything that goes through their mind openly talking about their mental health, relationships, and what itβs like to be a writer in todayβs environment of instagram, twitter, etc. One of my favorite lines from this poem was, βI donβt believe in The One./Iβve initiated most of my break-ups, cheated on basically/even in open relationships-/Shit. Maybe I just suck at this.β )Hoffman. I feel like Hoffman basically describes almost all of my romantic relationships and the thoughts I have about that part of my life. Examining and deconstructing my relationships this past year, Iβve often thought, βman, maybe I just suck at this, let me quit while I havenβt slashed anyoneβs tires yetβ(haha). The other line that I really liked from this poem was “Honestly Iβm sick of wanting to get better, dying to be better, trying to do better than whatever I am or canβ (Hoffman). Being in this recovery journey from my BPD feels like that sometimes. I have a strict routine I adhere to, read so many books about BPD, monitor my moods and honestly, it gets tiresome at times. Like Hoffman, I get sick of trying to βbe betterβ and I often wonder when I can stop being so vigilant and rigid in everything I do. When can I say I’m finally better and can stop doing so much?
Blood, Booze, and other things in Nature is definitely the poetry collection for you if youβve ever felt like a pariah, like an outcast, like an outsider in this world that tries to tone you down for being too crazy, too loud, and too bizarre for it. Reading this poetry collection is the medicine you need for that beautiful and chaotic soul of yours that refuses to conform to the norms and expectations of normalcy in this patriarchal society.
Below is a link to the book:
Don’t believe me? Here are other testimonials about the book and the author:
Praise for Blood, Booze, and Other Things in Nature:
This book resonates with anyone whoβs ever called a crisis line and had them respond, βOh wow thatβs a lot.β This chapbook isnβt a cocktail. Itβs a shot.
-Kit Stitches
This is no nipple-slip, no wardrobe malfunction. This is deliberate, personal exposure, revealing heart, head, and the wounds of living. The battle songs, the laments, and the healing gather here.
-Neil S Reddy
This collection is a dirty meditation, a longing for escape, an ecstatic fuck you to the traps and ties of societal expectation. A delightful, messy romp through the entrails of the heart.
-Nicole Morning
This is the kind of writing that inspires fandom.
-Alexandine Ogundimu, Filth Magazine
Praise for C E Hoffman:
C E Hoffman is a fearless writer.
-Jack Wang, author of We Two Alone and winner of the Danuta Gleed Literary Award
The human spirit remains fresh-voiced, optimistic and youthful in Hoffmanβs imaginative writing.
-Martin Millar, author of Lonely Werewolf Girl and winner of the World Fantasy Award
Hoffmanβs writing style reminds one of Burroughs at his most straightforward or Irvine Welsh at his strangest, but with a presentation dominated primarily by women and queer characters- a refreshing change in this particular milieu.β¦Hoffman is definitely a writer to watch for, and I look forward to what they give us next.
I’ve had many Muses in my 41 years some have stayed my kids, my co-parent, my chosen family some have used me as a temporary destination countless friends and lovers theyβve abandoned me or I’ve abandoned them but all who have stayed or gone have inspired me in writing my life’s story through poetry so to my past, present, and future muses I am forever grateful for inspiring the most amazing and crazy creativity without you all, I wouldnβt have anything worth writing about-
text message from me to the person who inspired this poem
Maybe I was captious in thinking you wanted sex but you were really depressed and needed help I was moody and tired and couldnβt be bothered so I turned off my phone and wanted to be alone I thought it was no big deal to not get back on our idiot ferris wheel and now I hope itβs not too late and prioritizing myself wasnβt a mistake because I couldnβt stand the thought of you harming yourself be my fault
There are so many stories within me aching to get out every single one wants to be a priority but which one do I pick first most are dramatic, some are angry and sad, a few are happy and lovely every story is important in a life full of chaos and trauma I donβt know why I attract so much drama So Iβm going to tell each story Because I own everything thatβs happened to me Because Iβm finally taking myself seriously
ya no te- no soy tuya para- trato de encontrar las palabras adecuadas para decirte que nuestro cuento de amor a cabo pero cada vez que trato todo se siente insuficiente y la culpabilidad me cubre y no me atrevo a herirte
I want to be soft again and fall in love without thinking that feels like a special kind of freedom to share the burdens with someone to share the laughter with someone to share a unique kind of love with someone but my heart is locked under a fortress and I refuse to let anyone in because in all honesty I don’t think I could stand the pain again when another lover leave suddenly and I’m left again with the shards of my heart to put them back together and carry on