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Poetry: License

I wrote this poem in 2002 about my oldest son’s bio dad. I had a lot of angry emotions about how he abandoned him.

Me with my oldest son circa 1999
me with my oldest son circa 1999

A license to create is what shouldn’t

Be given to those who don’t know how to 

Appreciate their child’s laughter 

Or comfort their high pitch cries

A license to create is what shouldn’t 

Be given to those who don’t understand 

What it takes to be an example to 

Those that descend from them 

A license to create is what shouldn’t 

Be given to those who leave children 

In the dust to follow their own desires 

Without looking back on their offspring’s 

 sad little face that whimpers,

“Daddy, come back”

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Poesía: Mi Corazón

Este fue el primer poema que escribí en 1996. Con solo 15 años ya estaba obsessionada con el amor.

Yo en 1996

Mi corazón me dijo que no te diera una oportunidad

pero no quise escuchar

mejor escuche al deseo de mi cuerpo

gritando por ti

mejor escuche a mi miedo por la soledad

mejor escuche a mi DESESPERACIÓN

Ahora que estoy destrozada

mejor a viese escuchado

A la sabiduría de mi corazón

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Poetry: Here We Go Again

Masking be like

I wrote this poem in late 2005 thinking back on how I felt about my second pregnancy when I found out. It wasn’t an ideal situation at all because I was still in college and my relationship with my husband was on the rocks.

Being Strong is exhausting
always

This can’t be
happening to me!
but rarely does it ever lie,
that second pink line
Just when I was on right track
Again I am burdened for lying on my back
What will I do?
Who will I turn to?
How do I tell them?
Once again I am their biggest disappointment
To just sit here and cry
is just a waste of precious time
I have no choice
I have to get away from this awful noise
This will become my personal hell
Because of another persuasive male

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Poetry: A Poem for My Third Born

A Poem for My Third Born

You were the rainbow
That came after the most dreadful storm
You were wanted, you were planned
You were loved
You were everything
Anxiously, I waited for your arrival
Counting down the months, the weeks,
And eventually the days
Cautiously, I felt hope
With every flutter,
And every kick
You were a ninja
Determined to reassure
This worried mama that
You were okay-
And I glowed bright
From your inner light
And finally
The day came
I would get to meet
My newest love made creature
And with your birth
Life finally felt complete

My Youngest Son Circa 2012

IMG_1190

My son is 11 Me and my youngest on 6/26/22

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Poem: The Cold Shoulder

I wrote this about my husband in 2006 when I thought he was being distant.

You didn’t think that I wouldn’t notice

That you have stopped caring for me 

That when I reach to touch you

There is no response

How could something that started so beautiful 

And intense end up so bland and empty

We’re together

But worlds apart

You no longer share

Your worries, your dreams

Everything that we once were

Has been shredded to pieces

But both of us deny it

You won’t tell me what’s wrong 

Our silences are starting to be dreadfully long 

Why can’t you just tell me 

The whats, whys, and whens

Of falling out of love with me

And get our breakup over with. 

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Poetry: I Think

I wrote this poem in 2004 when I was depressed because I felt my husband pulling away from me.

I think sometimes

It is better to die

Than to live this big lie

We like to call life

I think sometimes

It is better to escape 

Then face

Such an unfair fate

I think sometimes

It is better to have the earth eat you up

Than to have to hurt so much 

Over treacherous love

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Poetry: Refusal

I wrote this poem in 2004 when I was pregnant with my second child and mad at my boyfriend (future husband) for his lack of affection and attention to me. I was obviously very upset when I wrote this poem and instead of talking to him I wrote and bottled up my anger.

You refuse to see

All the hurt you’re causing me

With your indifferent ways

It’s a miracle you haven’t yet gone astray

You refuse to see

Our son is paying the fee

He may still be in my belly

But the tears you cause me

Also affect him

You refuse to see

That one day soon you’ll lose me 

If you don’t stop 

Being so fucking cold. 

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Poetry: Uncaring

I wrote this poem in 2004 about my husband, then boyfriend. I guess I was mad about his lack of affection. As you can see, this is a pattern for me. I bottle my emotions up until one day I explode.

If you don’t want any of this 

You should just leave 

I can’t take anymore 

Of your uncaring words

I don’t want to keep you from 

Having your fun

So just go away 

You only hurt me if you stay

Go back to the way you used to be

Alone, happy, and free

And take your precious independence

You prefer  it to our relationship nonsense

So stop acting like you care

To us, it wouldn’t be fair

Adieu, adios, and goodbye

To our enormous love lie