Here is the English version of this poem:
Poetry: Big Lie
Fui bruta y me queme
No queria creer
Que ibas a ser otra decepción
Aunque había muchas señas
Mi corazón se rehusó a resignarse
No quería concebir en la noción
que tu amor era una desilusión
ahora me siento inutil
a ver el mal que me hiciste
se que estará mucho mejor sin ti
Aunque sea imposible dejarte
Es adios para siempre
Al ver que tu amor fue otra mentira más
I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression.
The sun is shining
Everything is green and bright
And yet winter feels eternal
In my heart
The blackness that is my sadness
Seems to seep and ooze everywhere
Inside of me
Is this what true loneliness feels like?
Will I ever get rid of what feels like
my forever depression?
Or do I just learn to live
with the elephant that
lives on my chest?
That I try desperate not to awake
Writing, exercise, friends, tv-
Everything to keep it calm
But no matter what
The elephant always seems
To wake up
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=4784
Fue el destino cruel
hacerte cruzar la línea
Entre amor y odio
Fuistes una desperdicia de tiempo
Nunca sabras
lo bueno que pudimos ser
tu amor era solo una pantalla de humo
Hasta pensaba que teníamos
Para siempre
Quería creer que tu eras un amor verdadero
pero tu eras otro “lo que sea”
Y yo fui otra falda
No hay nada más que decir
es tiempo de olvidar todo lo que fuimos
o pudimos ser
I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression.
I want to write about love
But instead find myself
Writing about depression and loss
Everything feels so vague and fake
I don’t know what or who’s
Real anymore
Is it existential dread
Or a midlife crises
Or a mixture of both?
Living in a world rampant
With comparisons
With the click of a button
Tears at my soul
Thanks to the ridiculous
And never ending standards
Modern society thrusts upon us.
It’s all a constant competition
About who has the best life
Have we all become society’s
Attention whores?
So I had forgotten to post this poem from the great breakup of 2001.
I guess it was fate
For you to cross that thin line
Between love and hate
You were really a waste of time
Now you’ll never know
How good you and me could’ve been
Or how much I really loved you so
But your love was only a smoke screen
I even thought we had forever
because I wanted to believe you were true
but I guess you were another whatever
and I was another one you’d screw
Now there’s nothing left to say
and it’s time to forget everything
I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression. I guess I was just annoyed and angry by society.
Simple decency is becoming extinct
Manners and politeness is rare
rudeness and sarcasm is the norm
Being kind feels outdated
in this narcissistic society
filled with superfluous and superficial people
Who bring their harsh and shallow attitudes
everywhere
There is no escape from this epidemic
of the nothingness
that tries to appear profound
It is a society that blames the victim
“ but what was she wearing?”
or
“He was hanging out with the wrong kids”
It is a society that’s prejudiced against
anyone different
“Go back to where you came from”
“You’ll never belong here”
“People will always remember
how you made them feel”,
Maya Angelou said
Unnecessary, weak, aloof, isolated alone
Is how this world makes me feel
I’m a FAILURE trying to accommodate myself
to this world full of shallow feelings
I miss the kind and real people
in this world
It’s rare to find them now
They are almost extinct
I wrote this in 2016.
Faulkner wrote about her ancestors
She stood like a pillar of strength between her mother and daughter
She stood strong as both of them held her arms that were their life jackets
as they drowned in endless sorrows
Tears silently fell from her face as her father laid in his closed home
And the reverend went on about him being in a better place
And her strength did not falter,
She let her loved ones hold on tight while she tried to blink away tears ,
She swallowed her pain and absorbed the pain from those around her
She wasn’t just strong for her mother and daughter,
but she was a goddess of strength among the mere mortals
around her that wept
Escribí este poema en el 2016 cuando una ola de nostalgia me visito y me puse a pensar en mi primer amor.
La inocencia del primer amor
Se queda como un tatuaje en tu mente
Nunca podrás olvidar cómo se sintió
Ese primer beso nervioso
O como buscaban rincones escondidos
Para mostrarse amor
Nunca se olvida la gran emoción
Que llevas dia por dia al verlo
Y nunca, nunca
olvidarás el primer amor
Que falleció con su repente desamor
I wrote this poem in 2016 when I was reflecting on how different my children were. At the time, my middle son was going through a difficult time and it was hard to deal with.
Living with my three children
Is like living in three different countries
My oldest would be Singapore
With strict rules and laws,
He hates flaws in himself
And others and is unforgiving
It’s challenging to live in
Singapore
My middle child would be a war torn ridden country
Like Syria
That’s currently filled with constant chaos,
He is trying to find himself in a place
He feels unwanted and lost
It is an unpredictable struggle
To reside in Syria
My youngest child would
Be an established and friendly country like Spain
He is vibrant, laid back yet energetic
Occasionally you hear about political protests
That reminds me of his occasional tantrums when
His life feels unjust
It is almost a predictable and easy existence to
Live in Spain
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/29/poetry-i-wish-i-could/
Deseo olvidar todo lo que vivimos
el amor que hicimos, las risas que compartimos
Deseo hacerte ver el daño que me hiciste
Deseo hacer sentir mi agonía intensa y aguda
Deseo herirte y lentamente destruirte
Deseo que esto no me importara más
pero la vida no es justa
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/08/poetry-maybe/
he caído en un abismo de tristeza
descubriendo que tu eras otro infeliz
que me usastes para tu placer carnal
fui ciega al pensar que me querías de verdad
fui una inútil enamorandome de ti
es mejor que ya pare
jugando este juego de amor
I wrote this in 2015 inspired by a situation I was going through.
A Song to My Lover
Songs are written about people like us
Good songs and bad songs,
r&b songs, pop songs,
and of course country songs
Songs that try to capture
the complexity of infidelity
Most of them try to capture the guilt
and the grief
Some of them capture the romantic notion
Of secret meetings, stolen kisses
And the excitement
But there doesn’t seem to be
A particular song for us…
Could a song really capture something
so profound and beautiful ?
Something tainted by the reality
of our situation
Being with my husband is a commitment
I made
It’s an everyday task, not for the faint of heart
Being with you is easy
It’s refreshing not having to try so hard to make
sweet reality work
It’s amazing that you know what to do
to make me feel wanted
And my poor husband still hasn’t got a clue
It’s refreshing that when you are with me,
You see a person, a lover
and not just a wife and mother
These are things neve appear in songs
because our truth is an alternate universe
of the complexities of finding contentment
from someone else at the wrong time
I wrote this poem sometime around 2014 or 2015. I was feeling nostalgic about a former flame I had been obsessed with. This tends to happen a lot with me. Letting go of my past is hard at times.
Shadows of my past
Envelop my future
Everywhere I go
Time has passed
I am older
Harsh experiences
Have made my cynical
And embrace
My mediocrity
But still
Shadows of the past
Envelop my future
Everywhere i go
I’m happy that you found
Your idyllic happiness
With someone else
And living the life
You always wanted
But shadows of our past
Envelop my future
Everywhere I go
I love my children
I love my spouse
But for one more moment
Of us
I would leave them
And everything else behind
Shadows of our past
Envelops my future
Everywhere I go
Here is the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/09/poetry-hell-sent/
Debi seguido mi intuición
cuando sentí que me mentías
Cuando me decías que estabas trabajando
En realidad, estabas follando
Debí irme de tu vida
la primera vez que me mentiste
pero quería creer en tu cuento de hadas
ahora siento un alivio profundo desde que terminamos
porque tu fuistes mandado del infierno
Life on the BPD 