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Poetry: Spark

2012/2023 -Don’t let the world dim your spark kiddo

I wish I could live forever in this bliss
a bliss where you’re still innocent
a bliss where I keep you sheltered from this savage world
but you’re growing up fast and I can’t keep you my little boy forever
and the inevitable first heartbreaks and disappointments
will happen-
and while I’ll always be there to catch you after,
and remind you of my mother’s love
I also hope and pray to God
you’re strong enough, you’re resilient enough, you’re brave enough
to face whatever challenge and obstacle comes your way
and I hope you’re full of compassion and kindness
and don’t allow the cruelty of the world
to ever dim your spark

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Poetry: Making Amends

I wrote this poem in June of 2022.

me in June of 2022

I’m making amends with lovers and friends who’ve hurt me
holding this much resentment in feels heavy
And I’m tired of being a slave to past grudges
it feels like an eternal emotional blockage
So I’m filled with empathy and forgiveness
For those who’ve made me feel worthless
Because enough is really enough
and I’m tired of being fueled by hate
I wanna now be fueled by love

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Poetry: The Volcano

I wrote this poem in June of 2022.

me in June of 2022-I was feeling fiery that day

The volcano that lived inside of me
is ready to erupt and about to ruin everything
my explosive anger cannot be reigned in
this intensity is a consequence of my BPD
and it will cause my lover to flee
the lava of me will make him wary
and once again, I’m left
in the desolate land of lonely
wishing away the volcano inside of me

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Poetry: I Wonder

I wrote this poem in June of 2022.

I’m not made for polyamory or maybe even monogamy
I”m a complete disaster when it comes to love, well, romantic love
but I’m great at other kinds of love
Loving my children, adoring my friends, worshiping my parents
and of course filling myself with self love
but still I wonder if somewhere in this big wide world
exist an almost ideal lover
who’ll bring out my best and love me at my worse
who won’t put me on a pedestal
and doesn’t scare easily and leave
when he sees all of me

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Poetry: But wait, don’t go

I wrote this poem in June of 2022.

me in June of 2022

Could you spare me some validation and affection,
so I can feel like a real person?
I thrive on the love and attention of lovers
I don’t know how to feel whole or enough by myself
And admitting it is so embarrassing
But wait, don’t go…
Fuck it! I’m done with this life of dishonesty
here comes my brutal truth-sorry if it bothers you
but I’m done reigning it in for the comfort of others
I’m clingy and melodramatic with emotional warts and all
and even though my truth scares off everybody
At least now I’m free to embrace and love the real me

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Spring

Daily writing prompt
What is your favorite season of year? Why?
View all responses
me in Spring

Spring, I hope you bring creativity and love
I hope you bring a brand new season of a healthy and calm me
I hope you bring to the forefront my beauty within
I hope you bring a happiness unknown to me
I hope you bring a new sense of serenity

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Poetry: Watch How Quickly I Fall

I wrote this poem in June of 2022.

me in June of 2022

put me on a pedestal and watch how quickly I fall
for saying no to you
For standing up for myself
for making myself heard
You’ll cry foul and wonder, where did my dream girl go?
but don’t you see-
I wasn’t made for altars and pedestals
I was made for thrones
A throne where I know my worth
A throne where I’m valued
A throne where I’m appreciated as a whole person
and not just seen as an object as affection and masturbation
So quit seeing me as a saint or angel
and understand I’m a chaotic queen

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Poetry :Religion

I wrote this poem in January of this year

Me at open mic on 6/7/23



My lack of worth of self-esteem allowed me to accept
not even the bare minimum from lovers
as long as they showed any interest in me,
any sign of wanting me, I’d give them my energy
made them the muse of my poetry
put them on a pedestal where I worshiped them like a deity
and made what I mistook for love my religion
thought each one was the one because of my inability to find self-love
it was the version of me who thought the world began and ended
with the love of a man
It was the version of me who didn’t know that alone
I had always been whole, I had always been enough

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Poetry: Blanket of Lies

I wrote this poem in June of 2022.

Cover me with a blanket of lies and tell me you love me
tell me I’m the only one for you
and false promises about you’ll never leave
and how you’re not like the other guys
Love me at your convenience, love me when I’m easy
I’ll believe the fantasy and play my role
of the perfect and polite princess
until one day, I grow out of my role and explode
and I’ll discover once again
you’re like everyone else
who can only stand me for a short while
and accuse me of being a crazy bitch and leave

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Poetry: Thank You

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

me in May of 2022 coming out of a major depressive episode

To the one who stay to love me
Thank you, thank you, thank you
I know I’m not always easy to deal with
I know my brand of crazy doesn’t always
bring out the best of me
I know that my anger makes me a monster sometimes
But you’ve stayed and dealt with it the best way you could
Either calling me out when I’m dramatic
or expressing your concern when I’m salty or impulsive
The sense of community you’ve given me
feels like my life’s remedy
You’ve never asked me to change
and really love and accept me

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Poetry: Freedom

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

me in May of 2022 after swimming class

I’m finally free from the chains of love
I felt truly a slave to it
Thinking I needed it, thinking I wanted it
But the truth is
the only person I ever needed was me
I never needed anyone else to care for me,
to love me
it’s always temporary until they leave
Today marks my independence day
from love’s heavy and terrible weight
Because I am worth more than another fickle soul
Who I always become too much for
Because I deserve a sense of emotional stability
After so many emotional scars caused by love

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Legacy

Daily writing prompt
What is the legacy you want to leave behind?
View all responses

me in January performing this poem

I’m used to being the ultimate pushover-
allowing the energy of others to pollute
my energy and take up my time
It was the people pleaser in me who needed to fawn
be easy to get along with and always avoiding conflict,
I’d become the person they’d want me to be,
cutting away pieces of my authenticity-
I’d become easy to digest and swallow
I never valued myself or put myself first
It was learned martyrdom from the women in my family
Internalized misogyny sold to me at a young age
dressed up as selfless acts of love
but I’m done sacrificing myself for others
It’s time to unlearn this toxic way of loving and being
I refuse to pass this down to the next generation
of woman who come after me
I’m here to take up space, roar like a lioness
and pass down a new legacy of self love
that took me 41 years too long to discover

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Poetry: Too Many Issues

Aqui esta la version en espanol:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/30/poesia-pequenas-riquezas/

he watches her as she sleeps
and the emotions she stirs up in him
this was supposed to be a casual agreement
where only each other’s primal needs got met
she’s not easy or convenient
she has way too many issues
and yet here he is starting to love her

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Poetry: War

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

Old insecurities come to visit me again,
they shake up my newly acquired confidence
they tell me I’m not smart enough and I’ll never be truly loved
They tell me the only thing I have going for me is how sexy I can be
Otherwise I’m a waste of a person because of my bpd
And I try to shut it all down and not once again drown
Because I have made so much progress and have come so far
Only to once again fight an anxiety and depression war
but it’s daunting and exhausting not to let the negativity get to me
So here I go once again, trying to calm down my brain
from negative and intrusive thoughts by covering myself with self-love