Poetry: To the One Who Claimed to Love Me

I wrote this in the summer of 2019 during a break from “C”. I think that during this break, I thought we were really done and I was super salty about it.

Me in the Summer of 2019

To the one that claimed to love me

I was yours, you had me

But you decided to dispose of me

I wrote poetry about you

Thinking your feelings were true

But my feelings, you made fun of

By claiming you felt love

You treated me like a barbie doll

And you told me over and over and over again

I love you

When your words should have been 

I love fucking you

You claimed to not be “that guy”

Yet you almost made me want to die

You claimed to be different

But you turned out to be the same

Asshole man 

You claimed I was the only one

But I was one of many you used for fun

You acted like you cared 

You wore your lies well

And now that our lust filled 

Fiasco is done

I still don’t regret that I was the one

Who loved you honestly, genuinely,

Purely-

And you blew your chance 

At ever having me

You were a hard lesson to learn 

And I was the girl 

You weren’t ready for 

Poetry: My Bad Habit

I wrote this about C. in the late summer of 2020 after we were yet on another break. I guess the sex really made me obsess over him.

me in the summer of 2020

I can’t turn my body off 

From wanting you

Even if you make my heart blue

You take up space in my brain

Even when you bring me so much pain

Why does lust make me so blind?

You are my obsession 

Even after your devastation

You show up in my dreams

I wish you didn’t exist 

I wish there was a spell

To forget how you made me melt 

I’m sure that time

Will make your memory fade

And will time

make me heal from 

The experience of you 

I just wish that time

Would speed up so that

You were only a distant memory

That I already learned to forget

Poetry: Deceptive Lust

I wrote this in July of 2019 about “C” and it was inspired by the crazy and intense chemistry me and him share. For a long time, I had convinced myself that it was love but it really wasn’t. It’s more like before him and even after, I’ve never met anyone that’s ever matched my sexual energy like he does.

me in July 2019

Lust is temporary happiness 

 Disguised as love

The adrenaline rushes to your brain 

And make you thinks it’s the real deal

So you trap yourself 

In a dream that you don’t want 

To wake up from 

You delude yourself into thinking 

This is love

You delude yourself into thinking

He’s the one

Who’ll fill up your days and nights

All because he can push certain pleasure buttons 

In your body that makes you

Explode in happiness 

Lust oh lust is beautiful, terrible, 

And deceitful thing