Poesía: El Miedo

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/15/poetry-scared/

Es difícil ser mágica

Tengo miedo
que de nuevo se rompa
mi corazón
Estoy preocupado que algún día
me pares de amar
Estoy cansada después
de tantos mentirosos
tengo cuidado que de no
convertirme en una idiota
otra vez

Poetry: The Difference

I wrote this in 2006 after I was reflecting my first years of being a mother to my eldest child who I had at 17. Becoming a mother at such a young age didn’t make me the best parent and at times I still tried to act my age and party a lot even though I was a parent. It used to eat me up inside but I’ve come to terms that I did the best I could under the circumstances.

me and my oldest in 1999 when I was 18

Late nights at the club

Drunk and dancing-you

Singing lullabies

Until he fell asleep-I

Getting ass from 

an unknown stranger-you

Looking for monsters under the bed

and wishing them away-I

Waking up in an unknown place

With a helluva hangover-you

Waking up from little hands 

Shaking my shoulders-I

You and I=me

Me =two different truths

About the way your childhood

 Was seen

Poetry: Racy Lacie

I wrote this is 2006 for my creative writing class.

me in 2006 around the time I wrote this poem

Dressed up in lace
She gets into his car
He drives away in haste.

She’ll never go far
On this path to nowhere
Her life becomes tar.

Doesn’t seem to care
That she is treated so rough
With a life so unfair

Is she a black dove?
Or just a drug addict?
Did she ever know love?

What made her so damn sick?
Why don’t I understand?
What made her so chaotic

Man after man
All for another fix
From the candy man.

Poesía: Imbecil Racista

For the English version of this poem, click on the link below:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/10/20/poem-racist-jerk/

Así es cuando las máscaras se caen

Querido, lo que dijiste
me partió el alma
nunca pensé que eras un racista
no se si te pueda perdonar
quedarme contigo mataría mi alma
Lamento haberte conocido
Y me duele decirte
Tenemos que terminar
Nuestro cuento de amor
Te deseo lo mejor
Ojalá que algún día
Dejas tus prejuicios atrás

Poetry: The Light

I wrote this in 2006 about my husband, then boyfriend. I tend to put a lot of my worth in the person I’m romantically involved with. This is another BPD trait.

me in 2006 with my middle child

Rising from darkness I struggle to find 

       the light in the oblivion

 that has become my life. 

The light is bright with love without conditions . 

The light tells me I’m good enough. 

The light is you. 

Poetry: Dying Innocence

I wrote this is 2006 in for my creative writing class. I wrote thinking about my sexuality when I was a teenager. I was hypersexual from a young age.

me in 2006-around the time I wrote this poem

She was an adult like sixteen years old
Hormones racing like the speed of light
These were bitter enemies of the cold
Powerful sensations she had to fight
Had the body of a mature woman
But the maturity of one she lacked
But still she chose a stranger man
He told her quickly “Lie on your back.”
She was swiftly incapacitated
Gone forever, her norms and behavior
As her callow body palpitated
With her lengthy new found pleasure
And this was the unforeseen joyous end
Of her already dying innocence

Poesía: Desgraciado

For the English version of this poem,click on the link below:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/13/poetry-pathetic-asshole/

siempre una lección

Tengo que decirte
eres un desgraciado
no supiste respetarme
Arrepiento haberte conocido
pensaba que eras mi amigo
pero ahora veo que eres mi enemigo
No quiero verte nunca mas
fuiste una desgracia más en mi vida
Te deseo muchos años de miseria
Por llenarme de agonía

Poetry: My Happy Place

I wrote this poem in 2006 when I was in the midst of my quarter life crisis.

There was once a place

It was my happy place

But it forever disappeared 

When puberty appeared 

Now I live somewhere else

Where almost everything fails

Where there are no more giggles

And everyone is fickle

Where being sad

Is the fad 

And no one cares

About anyone else

What I would give 

To get away from this 

And go back to 

Where no one is rude

And everyone smiles

And no one is a liar 

Poetry: Did I Ask For Your Advice?

I wrote this poem is creative writing class in 2006. It’s some kind of form poetry but can’t remember what it is.

me around the time I wrote this poem

Did I ask for your advice?

Father and mother

You are not that wise

So I told a few lies

I didn’t mean to hurt her

Did I ask for your advice?

I had to break mine and her ties

Any words, please don’t offer

You are not that wise

I’m a man of twenty-five

Don’t treat me like a youngster

Did I ask for your advice?

Please don’t give me those eyes

And pretend to be higher

You are not that wise

Stop it with your sighs,

My dear mother and father

Did I ask for your advice?

You are not that wise!

Poetry: Despicable

I wrote this poem in 2006 for my creative writing class. Men in general inspired this poem. Lol.

truth be told

Despicable is the emptiness of talk

It is that which makes me  gawk

The realization of your words so thin

Give my heart a monumental sting

I should’ve put on my idiot proof smock

You should’ve stayed silent as a rock

Instead of whispering nothings to me on the dock

That’s when I should’ve stopped listening

Despicable is the emptiness of talk

Your mouth should’ve been padded with a lock

Then you wouldn’t have taken me on a walk

To your park full of crock

I got on your moronic swing

I shouldn’t have answered your knock

Despicable is the emptiness of talk

Poesía: El Desenlace de Mi Adolescencia

Here is a link to the English Version:

Poetry: Fun is Gone

Escribí este poema en 1998 pensando como mi vida iba a cambiar por mi embarazo precoz.

en 1998 embarazada con mi primer hijo

Terminaron las travesuras estúpidas
y la playa con mis amigas
y tener un montón de enamorados
Los próximos años estarán llenos
de pañales y baberos
y noches desveladas
Así será el desenlace
mi adolescencia