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Poetry: Fence

I wrote this in 2007 about my husband. I was frustrated that he was always so guarded with his emotions and his past. I hated that I could give him my vulnerability and he couldn’t give me his. Looking back now, I should have realized how incompatible we were at the time, but my stubborn and optimistic self wanted things to badly work.

me around the time I wrote this poem

A steel and locked fence guards you.

It does its job well.

Your insecurities and emotions never

come out to play with mine.

Your past never comes out to 

join mine in a game of nostalgia.

Will your fence ever open for me?

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Poetry: Veins

I wrote this poem in the fall of 2007. I wrote this one about my husband. It was a good moment but even during the good moments, I’m still insecure.

me in 2007 when this poem was written I look so happy …lol

Veins of love’s 

moss grow

every minute

I’m with you

Will the veins 

ever run out

of moss?

Will you ever 

leave me?

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Poetry: Risen

I wrote this in 2006.

some cravings are never satisfied

Rising from a deep sleep
That had become our marital bed
Passion woke up
In a sudden caress
Of your rough hands
On my soft bare back
Your eyes shone on me again
With that long lost stare
Desire
Our long lost friend
Is back
To reclaim us
From our endlessly deep and dreamless sleep

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Poetry: Desire

I wrote this in 2006 about my husband and my husband were in a good place…meaning we were having sex again after taking a break for several months from it. I tend to place a lot of importance of sex in a relationship and well…if that’s lacking, I get bored and depressed in the relationship.

bewitched by passion

For once desire and passion 

Has entered our lives once again

 And the pieces start to fall perfectly 

In our lives again.

Is this a dream or just another short lived memory? 

He runs his hand through my back and it’s like

Electrical wires going through my body and it turns on 

Something wonderful inside of it.

Whatever happened to our 

rut and miserable boredom for each other?

He wants me once again and I want only him. 

What did I do differently this time?

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Poesia: Podría Ser

Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2002 acerca de John. Pensaba que a lo mejor cambaría de parecer pronto pero no fue así.

tal vez

Podría ser que yo no soy
Aquella mujer
A la cual no quieres ligarte

Podría ser que yo no soy
Aquella chica
Que siempre va a misa

Podría ser que yo no soy
Aquella princesa
Que no te compadezca

Pero después de probar
Estos deliciosos labios
Nunca dirás adiós

Y después de sentir
Mi cuerpo dedicado a ti
Solo pensaras en mi

Y después de estar conmigo
Conocerás el amor verdadero
Y no te arrepentirás
De echar todo lo que podría ser

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Poetry: False Stability *trigger warning*

I wrote this in March of 2020 as I was reflecting on my suicide attempt in December of 2016. I don’t remember writing this poem but that could be because it was a crazy time for me since I was an essential worker during COVID.

me in March of 2020 when I wrote this poem

Appearances were kept well for 15 years
the husband, the salaried job, the 3 off springs
I pretended like everything was fine
And yet there were ominous signs
I never felt like my authentic self
and always felt false
I tried on this so called suburban bliss
and mediocre routines
but knew it just wasn’t me
So I ended up in profound misery
And one day I wanted to forever sleep
To forget my mediocre reality
I took 15 numb feeling pills
one for every pseudo happy year
I wanted to slip into a forever dream
to never wake up to my false stability

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Poetry: Long Ago

I wrote this poem about my husband in 2006 when we were in a rut of routine and being parents. I remember thinking how hard it was at the time to reconnect with him.

Long ago…

Passion was lost

Where did it go?

What has it turned into?

Perhaps into comfortable feelings

Of gratitude and friendship

And boring things like that

But how can we find once again?

The long lost passion 

That we once had. 

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Poetry: Ecstasy

I wrote this in the year 2001 after really good sex with my ex Paul. He was 29 and I was 19 at the time. It may have been the first or second time I think. He said to me right afterwards, “Don’t fall in love with me.” Man, I sure know how to pick them. Lol.

It’s always the “passion in me” that gets them..haha

He was beautiful
He made love to me with his eyes
He made me melt with the simplest caress
He made me feel like a woman
With his beautiful words and loving touch
We melted together as one
And finally as we reached the end
We knew that as we exploded in the ecstasy
that our lovemaking brought
We are one for the other
And we will be forever

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Poetry: Let’s Go To Your Store

I wrote this in 2006 for my creative writing class.

Always…

Let’s go to your store
Where it’s like paradise
Where no one’s ignored

There is a nice white floor
And there are no cries
Let’s go to your store

Nobody is abhorred
Or ever sacrificed
Where no one’s ignored

Everyone is adored
And even told a few lies
Let’s go to your store

Confidence is restored
Because everyone tries
Where no one’s ignored

So take me on a tour
Where no one has a price
Let’s go to your store
Where no one’s ignored

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Poesia: Sin Claridad

Escribí este poema en 2006 acerca de alguien que me gustaba. Cuando me gusta alguien, me obsesiono con esa persona.

Ese Instante

¿No se que es de ti?
Pero tu me robas la razón
¿No se que haces ?
Pero tu me devuelves
La inquietud
¿No se porque?
Pero tu me vuelves
En una adolescente
Y
Me dejas
Sin claridad.