Poetry: Banished

I wrote this poem on Valentine’s Day of 2022.

Your false love swallowed me into an ocean of oblivion
and I almost drowned
You consumed my mind with anxious thoughts
of whether or not I mattered to you
And thoughts of death visited me when you ignored me
Feelings of worthlessness and emptiness
threatened my wretched existence over and over again
because of your inconsistent love
But one day, I was enough by myself
I didn’t need your pseudo love
So I’m banishing you to the land of past lovers
who never deserved the magic
of my love

Poetry: Treasure Chest

I wrote this poem in April of 2022.

me in April of 2022

Deep inside of me
is a treasure chest
full of wonder, full of splendor
Deep inside of me
is a treasure chest
full of sadness,full of sorrow
Deep inside of me
is a treasure chest
full of love, full of laughter
Deep inside of me
is a treasure chest
full of anger, full of hate

Poetry: Best I Can Be

I wrote this poem in April of 2022.

I wish I could be perfect to everyone in my life,
the perfect mom, the perfect coparent, the perfect mistress
but the pressure gets too loud within me
And I need to get away from how I want to be perceived
I’ll never be the perfect anything
I’m never be June Cleaver or the perfect dream girl
I can only be authentically and imperfect me
And maybe me and everyone in my life
need to accept that’s the best I can be

Poetry: Pleading with the Full Moon

I wrote this poem in April of 2022.

me in April of 2022

I told the full moon to listen to my pleas
to lessen my pain
to turn me from victim to victor

I told the full moon to let my mind rest
and stop my intrusive thoughts
that tell me I’m worthless
and not good enough

I told the weary moon to fill me
with self love
instead of self hate

Poetry: More than a Diagnosis

I wrote this poem in April of 2022.

sorry not sorry

My diagnosis doesn’t define me,
It empowers me, it makes sense of my nonsense
I’m not crazy or chaotic or even hard to love
I’m a dream come true wrapped up in complexity
sure at times I feel like a nightmare
But don’t all of us get rough at times
So whoever gets scared and runs away from me
Sorry not sorry, I’m too much
and you’re just not enough

Poetry: My Kind of Love

I wrote this in March of 2022.

I never needed anyone to teach me how to love
what I needed was understanding and acceptance
while my love is kind and sweet most of the time
my love also cannot be tamed at times
when it gets wild and out of control
it’s better to just ride the big wave of it
until it is tamed and soft again
it wasn’t that I didn’t know how to love
It’s just that most don’t know how to handle it
my kind of overwhelming love is a crazy kind of love
it will hurt you, challenge you and bring conflict
it will make you want to slap the shit out of me
because yes it’s that intense
but my kind of of love is always worthy

Poetry: Cruel Existence

I wrote this poem in March of 2022.

me at my second job hustling at my second job

I’m tired of the bustle and hustle
that comes with my social status
and the color of my skin
Why wasn’t I raised with privilege
and wealth instead of being raised
with poverty and trauma?
And I try and I try and I try
to find a way out of this cruel existence
but it’s futile
I take pride in my never ending hustling
but at times it feels so exhausting
There seems to no end in sight
for this fruitless fight

Poetry Review: Love Pangs

My copy of Love Pangs is a little banged up because I keep rereading it

Melia Cogan has done it again with her second poetry collection. She paints a picture of the beauty of love and the euphoria it brings to one’s life. This book will make you weak at your knees and perhaps even want to get you on a dating app to look for that special someone to experience the magic of love. Cogan explores the mosaic of emotions that come with love. Through Cogan’s verse, I was transported to the alluring and sometimes tumultuous journey of love. 

 I’ll talk about my 2 favorite poems from the poetry collection. 

One of the poems that really resonated with me was β€œShould I Allow Myself”. I liked how profound this poem is-it speaks about allowing yourself to fall in love recklessly while risking your vulnerability. It’s risking everything to be in the moment of that special memory of love. This is presented in the lines  β€œTogether/the possibilities/reach for me in the night/and primarily/I wish they were you (Cogan)”. It’s a desire for longing to be with that special someone. 

The other poem that I really related to was β€œI’m Hiding from Love”because that’s kind of where I’m at right now.  This is captured in the lines β€œWell. I enjoy my boat not toppling over in the sea/and my house not catching on fire (Cogan). Cogan is perceptive of what heartbreak feels like and how some of us are so burned by it,we’ll avoid it at all costs. The metaphors of the boat and fire feel like a truth I’ve encountered many times.  It’s how anger and sorrow makes me feel like I’m either drowning or burning inside when it comes to heartbreak. Cogan captures these strong emotions in an intelligent and creative way that I’m sure resonates with mine and others’ experiences with the agony and torment that grief from heartbreak can bring. 

 I would recommend this poetry collection if you like to explore the depths of love and the complex emotions that come with it.  

Here is the link to the book:

Poetry Review: You Might Feel This

You Might Feel This by William Thomas Brumley

William Thomas Brumley’s debut poetry collection β€œYou Might Feel This” is aptly named because every single poem made me feel some kind of emotion. As a person who has anxiety and depression the poetry in this book really resonated with me. The poet captures what anxiety and depression feels like with imagery that paints the numbness and darkness of it. Another theme that Brumley tackles is the complexity of romantic relationships . He shows the intensity of emotions that is felt during conflict or a breakup. I also want to mention that aside from the content, what I really loved about this book was the format. You can tell that the author put a lot of thought into making sure it was well put together because of how professional and flawless it looks. He even includes a page after each poem asking your thoughts about it or you’re also given the freedom to write your own poem. As someone who is always looking for inspiration to write poetry, this was a nice surprise for me. I’ve picked three poems that impacted me from this collection to talk about.

The first poem β€œFamiliar Friend” I have interpreted as a poem about when anxiety comes to visit you. Anxiety for me feels like an annoying friend that visits at the most inconvenient times and the poet captures that when he states, β€œFear is an old familiar friend of whom I’ve fallen out of touch with/Why does this shape haunt me? Can they not find another for torment?” (Brumley, 7-9) The way Brumley questions why anxiety haunts him brings a raw intensity in this poem about anxiety that’s not talked about. It indeed does feel like torment and torture at times.

Another poem that impacted me was β€œStormy Nights”. I interpreted this poem about how your romantic partner distances themselves away from you because they’re on the verge of breaking up with you. I know many people including myself that have been in this situation and it’s awful; especially if you’re not ready to let go of your partner. When Brumley states, β€œPlease, please, don’t leave thee here/I can feel your presence is near/ One more climb, one more calm/ Upon the ruckus sea” ( Brumley, 12-14),these lines draw up an image of someone pleading to their partner to not leave and to give them one more chance. Brumley did an incredible job capturing the sorrow and desperation someone in this situation would feel like.

β€œTrepidation” is another poem that impacted me. I have interpreted this poem as the calm you feel after anxiety leaves and questioning how long it will last. This is stated when the poet states, β€œMay I keep this sealed up tight in a bottle?” (Brumley,9) As a person who had suffered from chronic anxiety and depression, if I had a string of good days filled with hope, I would question how long it would last. What’s also interesting to me about this poem is that Brumley addresses people who suffer from anxiety in wishing that they too get a reprieve from anxiety when he states β€œI wish this ship could sail/Sail far across the sea of tranquility/For it shall reach others who have been trapped under the forceful thumb of anxiety” (Brumbley,10-12) Brumley shows humanity in acknowledging other sufferers of anxiety.

Mr.Brumley presents an honest depiction of the many complex emotions felt during periods of anxiety, depression and conflict with an insightful awareness. I would highly recommend this poetry collection that will not only make you feel something but will also make you think. I’m excited to read and review his next poetry book Finish Your Thoughts. Below is a link for both You Might Feel This and Finish Your Thoughts:

Dramatic

sorry not even a bit sorry

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

people call me dramatic
because I’m loud and crazy,
because of my salty poetry

and maybe I am dramatic
but I’ll never be sorry about it
or even shame myself for it
what can you expect after
a life full of chaos and drama?

so what if i’m if dramatic
Does it bother you if I don’t
fake subtlety?
or does it bother you
that I live out my authenticity

Poetry: Therapy

I wrote this poem in March of 2022.

me in March of 2022

this year I lost myself in poetry
to help with unexpected loss and grief
to make sense of my nonsense
and I discovered my voice
And I discovered my brand of crazy
and there’s hardly a day that goes by
without using poetry as therapy
I no longer filter myself, I no longer judge myself
I allow whatever swims in my mind to land on paper
and sometimes it profound and great
Sometimes it’s emotional and angry
but most of the time it heals something within
Maybe poetry should be my new lover
because it’s always rescued me
from my chaos of emotional instability

Poesia: Terremoto

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/15/couldve-been/

Anoche escuche nuestra canciΓ³n
y me puse a llorar
pensΓ© en lo que habΓ­amos sido
y todo lo que pudo ser
y el recuerdo de nuestro amor
todavΓ­a me sacude como un terremoto
Donde estaras?
Con quien estas?
ΒΏAlguna vez la nostalgia de mi tambiΓ©n te sacude a ti?

Poetry: Acceptance

I wrote this poem in March of 2022.

me in March of 2022

I fell into the trap of β€œacceptance”
not understanding I was slowly losing parts of myself
for the sake of fitting in, for the sake of other people
who loved to judge me
accept that you’re too fat to wear that bikini
accept that you’re too old to chase your dreams
accept that you’re too hard to love
it took me too long to figure out
the acceptance of others was costing me
my sanity and my self worth
and I said, β€œfuck your opinions on who I should be”
from now on, I’ll wear whatever I want,
I’ll chase my dreams, and I’ll always be worthy of love”

What’s Your Bra Size?

picture of how it feels of when I’m asked “what’s your bra size?”

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

I hate it when men ask me, β€œwhat’s your bra size?”
it’s like my bust-line invites unwanted and sexist questions and comments
about my body
and it makes me want to throw up and write about them violently
because out of all of the questions in the world to ask ME,
a mother, a public health worker, a grocery store clerk, an immigrant,
a Peruvian, an American, a friend, a poet, a blogger, a woman,
a PERSON-
they choose to ask me an awkward question about my body-
I used to entertain them and tell them while laughing uncomfortably
holding in my disgust and anger for them
but now I either ignore them, call them out, or block them
my boobs or any part of my body are no longer up
for the objectification of others