grief found me on a sunday night in the shower and cried all of the tears I had been bottling up since my uncle’s passing lately it feels like life is running through my hands and there’s not enough time to do everything I want there’s not enough time to make an impact, an imprint on this earth lately I feel like a footnote just existing on the edge of life, of love
She’s an American I’m an immigrant She loves Trump I’m a borderline socialist She believes in money and brand names I believe in love and poetry Born from the same womb But living in different worlds She’s upper middle class I’m working class She’s latina when it suits her I’m latina every single day She’s the definition of assimilation I get called out by HR for being too Peruvian She’s the American Dream And I’m the immigrant
so American, I walk around with ketchup on my face
el tio Julio always spoke English to us, the kids didn’t matter who we were with or where we were I think he was an advocate of assimilation at an early age I think he wanted all of us to have a fighting chance in our adopted homeland perhaps this was an act of kindness on his part he knew that in order to survive in the USA we had to leave behind the part that made us seen as a foreigner and become as American as possible
under a tequila sunrise in L.A,he breaks apart once again she committed the ultimate act of treason against him and he couldn’t forgive her again this time he couldn’t put a bandaid of his love to make it all better this time he had a son to think about this time his family would disown him if he stayed with her so he packed up her stuff, put the boxes and suitcases of her belongings outside changed the locks and filed for divorce even as he broke inside, he held all of his emotions in and even though he considered her the grand love of his life he had to cut all ties with her this time she hadn’t just broken law of not just decency and morality with her actions this time her horrid actions made her beyond redemption this time she had gone too far
winter comes with the iciest winds and everything inside me freezes and I fawn is this what they call seasonal depression yet it’s much more than that it’s a “what’s the point” status it’s a “I’m looking forward for this day to be over as soon as I wake up”- my bed becomes my church, my family, my community where I find comfort in not thinking, in ignoring the noise of the world winter comes with the iciest winds and it’s hard to function but yet I do and I feel like a fictional character playing my part in a society fueled by greed and capitalism
tomó su último suspiro y nos sorprendió todo fue tan repentino pensabamos que teniamos mas tiempo pero su luz se disminuyó en un santo amén y ahora llevamos un duelo inesperado que va llevar tiempo superar
They’re typically blond and white and think they’re entitled to every fucking thing they always want to speak to the manager their names sound like Karen and Susan they’ll pretend to have loads of empathy when what they really have is tons of judgment they’ll hide behind a pseudo wokeness when underneath they’re racist as fuck they complain about the unfairness of their lives when their lives are the definition of privilege and luxury they’ll shove their higher education in your face when their ignorance shows in their actions they supposedly live, laugh, and love when they really hate, judge, and shame their names sound like karen and Susan
can’t shake the stink of death and while I know it’s inevitable and I need to radically accept it it still doesn’t soften the explosion of grief that follows and leaves me wrecked it still follows me everywhere I go perhaps this will be the biggest lesson of 2025 to spend time with my loved ones while they’re still here instead of waiting until it’s too late and live in regret while we drown in condolences and eulogies
I wrote this in January of 2022. I was mad about everything. Lol.
Them haters are just projecting their insecurities
Judgment feels like harsh criticism dressed up in “good intentions” “you have a college degree, you should be doing better” or “I’ll respect you when you drive”-thank you for the support sister Ignorance taste like harsh criticism dressed up “in good intentions” “I’m saying this out of love, you should be like other latinos and work and don’t go to college” -thanks for the encouragement coworker Judgment feels like impossible standards I can never measure up to it’s an ocean of emotional abuse dressed up as “good intentions” by calling out my insecurities and pointing out how I’m not enough
when I’m in mourning, I want to do crazy things like dye my hair blonde, cut my bangs, adopt a new identity anything to escape the grief that wants to set in
I actually started writing this poem sometime in 2017 and finished it in January 2020. A big part of my identity is being an immigrant. This poem was inspired by the hardships and struggles I’ve seen my parents and other immigrants go through. This poem was also inspired by the Trump administration and the xenophobia that was felt in my life during that time.
immigration leads to discrimination of immigrants into this so called united nation the ones with brown skin and dark eyes justice to them is greatly denied xenophobia is the driving sensation
their bosses sing a song called exploitation and they hum along to it to live in this democratic nation they leave their language and culture behind to endure the american lie but don’t quite fit into the gringo equation
Is their sacrifice worth so much separation from their families, their language, and their nation? Ah-America – the land of the free yet none of them are truly free living in a soulless and consumerist society
No puedo quedarme en los cuentos del pasado porque seria atorarme con cenizas que ya no hallan en esta nueva versión de mi porque sería retroceder a una versión de mi que se vuelve en un loca impulsiva que apuesta todo por ser amada
I wrote this poem in January of 2020. Maybe I was mad at the patriarchy or just feeling weighed down by the expectations that society has on women. I know that for me, it has been a huge burden at times to constantly keep up an appearance that I am put together balanced woman even if I am falling apart.
me in January of 2020
The strength we have to carry as women is obscene Endless expectations weigh on us generation after generation We are buried in the burdens that society has placed on us since before we were born Be pretty but don’t show your body Be smart but we don’t want your opinion Be motherly and nurturing but still a working and productive member of society It is a never ending nightmare to try to reach the ridiculous standards placed upon our beauty, wealth, and motherhood Some of us seem to do it with grace Some of us are barely hanging on by a thread Quite a few of us would rather die than continue with the facade and the myth of a balanced woman.