feelings – Page 88 – Life on the BPD

Posted on November 30, 2022November 30, 2022 by pattytacuri

December Poetry Challenge

So for the month of December, I decided to combine two of my favorite things which are journal prompts and poetry. I found these December Journal Prompts somewhere on pinterest and decided to write a poem every day in response to them. It’s going to be a challenge for sure considering I’m still posting new content every day. It’s going to be interesting what I come up with, it might get emotional and crazy-but hey that’s my brand-lol. I wanted to share the prompts as well as well as a link to the blog they’re from.

December Journal Prompts:

1.Your favorite part of the day
2.What needs to happen this month
3.How are you working towards your goals
4.Three good things
5.Something you know a lot about
6.An important person in your life
7.Your favorite recipe
8.An event that turned out differently than planned
9.The best way to spend a cold evening
10.One thing you could not give up
11.A goal you reached
12.Something to celebrate
13.How you procrastinate
14.What did you think you’d be when you grew up
15.The best type of surprise
16.Your favorite household chore
17.The best gift you could receive
18.Music that helps you relax
19.One thing you’d like to see
20.Favorite winter traditions
21.Advice you’d give to someone else your age
22.Something all people should know
23.What’s you’d really like to do tomorrow
24.Your top priority
25.A thing your life has in excess
26.How has your life changed since last year
27.A book you want to read
28.The person you’re always happy to see
29.One thing to do
30.The time of day you prefer
31. A word to describe your past year

Below is a link to the blog “Life of Lovely” from where the prompts came from:

http://lifeoflovely.blogspot.com/2015/11/december-journal-prompts-printable.html

Posted on November 27, 2022November 27, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poetry: Darkness

Para la versión en español de este poema, haga clic en este enlace:

Poesia: La Oscuridad

You left me in an eternal darkness
Without any compassion, without any humanity
You caused me an infinite pain
with your malicious and false ways
You left me in a world of insecurity
How can I trust ever again?
But I promise you thing
you’ll remember me
After our painful parting
You had it all with me
And now there’s no way
To recover my love
With a unique and ardent warmth

Posted on November 24, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poetry: The Elephant

I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression.

The sun is shining

Everything is green and bright

And yet winter feels eternal

In my heart

The blackness that is my sadness

Seems to seep and ooze everywhere

Inside of me

Is this what true loneliness feels like?

Will I ever get rid of what feels like

my forever depression?

Or do I just learn to live

with the elephant that

lives on my chest?

That I try desperate not to awake

Writing, exercise, friends, tv-

Everything to keep it calm

But no matter what

The elephant always seems

To wake up

Posted on November 22, 2022August 6, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poetry: Superficial

I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression.

I want to write about love

But instead find myself

Writing about depression and loss

Everything feels so vague and fake

I don’t know what or who’s

Real anymore

Is it existential dread

Or a midlife crises

Or a mixture of both?

Living in a world rampant

With comparisons

With the click of a button

Tears at my soul

Thanks to the ridiculous

And never ending standards

Modern society thrusts upon us.

It’s all a constant competition

About who has the best life

Have we all become society’s

Attention whores?

Posted on November 21, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

Poetry: Love and Hate

So I had forgotten to post this poem from the great breakup of 2001.

I guess it was fate
For you to cross that thin line
Between love and hate
You were really a waste of time
Now you’ll never know
How good you and me could’ve been
Or how much I really loved you so
But your love was only a smoke screen
I even thought we had forever
because I wanted to believe you were true
but I guess you were another whatever
and I was another one you’d screw
Now there’s nothing left to say
and it’s time to forget everything

Posted on November 20, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poetry: Extinction

I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression. I guess I was just annoyed and angry by society.

me in 2017 around the time I wrote this poem

Simple decency is becoming extinct
Manners and politeness is rare
rudeness and sarcasm is the norm
Being kind feels outdated
in this narcissistic society
filled with superfluous and superficial people
Who bring their harsh and shallow attitudes
everywhere
There is no escape from this epidemic
of the nothingness
that tries to appear profound
It is a society that blames the victim
“ but what was she wearing?”
or
“He was hanging out with the wrong kids”
It is a society that’s prejudiced against
anyone different
“Go back to where you came from”
“You’ll never belong here”
“People will always remember
how you made them feel”,
Maya Angelou said
Unnecessary, weak, aloof, isolated alone
Is how this world makes me feel
I’m a FAILURE trying to accommodate myself
to this world full of shallow feelings
I miss the kind and real people
in this world
It’s rare to find them now
They are almost extinct

Posted on November 16, 2022August 6, 2022 by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

Poem: They Said

I wrote this about my oldest son after a very proud mom moment. I thought about everything he went through and processed it through this poem.

me and my oldest son around the time I wrote this poem

I didn’t think this day

Would come so soon

I wasn’t prepared for the

Emotions I would feel

“You were doomed to

Be another “statistic”

They said

And autism on top of that!

Good luck

Becoming a productive

Member of society

They said

“No way, will you succeed

brown autistic boy,

Son of a teenage mom”

They said

Yet here you are –

Proving the naysayers wrong

Here is where you belong

Not yet graduated from

High school but starting

Your first college classes

Tonight

Here is where you belong

Despite the obstacles,

The haters, society

Trying to fuck you over

Here is where you belong

-on the start of a journey to success

And here I am

Beaming with pride

And love for you

My beautiful brown boy

Defying everything and

Everyone that ever

Stood in your way.

Posted on November 15, 2022November 6, 2022 by pattytacuri

Reading Wise Words from C E Hoffman

Posted on November 12, 2022August 6, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poetry: Countries

I wrote this poem in 2016 when I was reflecting on how different my children were. At the time, my middle son was going through a difficult time and it was hard to deal with.

Living with my three children

Is like living in three different countries

My oldest would be Singapore

With strict rules and laws,

He hates flaws in himself

And others and is unforgiving

It’s challenging to live in

Singapore

My middle child would be a war torn ridden country

Like Syria

That’s currently filled with constant chaos,

He is trying to find himself in a place

He feels unwanted and lost

It is an unpredictable struggle

To reside in Syria

My youngest child would

Be an established and friendly country like Spain

He is vibrant, laid back yet energetic

Occasionally you hear about political protests

That reminds me of his occasional tantrums when

His life feels unjust

It is almost a predictable and easy existence to

Live in Spain

Posted on November 11, 2022November 11, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poesia: Mi Deseo

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/29/poetry-i-wish-i-could/

Deseo olvidar todo lo que vivimos
el amor que hicimos, las risas que compartimos
Deseo hacerte ver el daño que me hiciste
Deseo hacer sentir mi agonía intensa y aguda
Deseo herirte y lentamente destruirte
Deseo que esto no me importara más
pero la vida no es justa

Posted on November 4, 2022August 6, 2022 by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

Poetry: Silence

I wrote this 2013 about my husband.

Silence, awkward silence is what was left after everything they needed to say was said

It was the same fight over and over again.

Old wounds were brought to the surface and reopened.

She blamed him for derailing her ambitions

and he blamed her for derailing the productive and selfish life he once led.

They both couldn’t see that they were both at fault

for not continuing to push each other to flourish

but instead they fell into a complacent spell

And a pattern of a comfortable

and the fruitless routine of suburban life.

And the years went on and they had nothing to show for it

except debt and wrinkles they both inflicted upon themselves.

And the years went on and all that was left

was regret for her for the things that she didn’t get to experien

Posted on November 2, 2022October 26, 2022 by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

Poetry: Her Last, His First

I wrote this poem in 2006 about my Mother In Law and my second son. We lived with her for a year and she was enamored by him.

Almost frozen in her familiarity
Trapped by her body’s slow betrayal
Boredom and solitude embrace her tightly
Her unheard cries drown her
Forgotten, forgotten she was
Her world had come to an almost silent
Pause
Until
She saw him
With beady eyes as blue as hers
And skin rumpled as lover’s sheets
He was a heinous sight
But to her
He was splendid to her dying eyes
He became her last burst of joy,
Her last adoration
And her last breath of life
She was ending with his fresh scent of purity
And he was starting with her aged scent of experience