flickering ashes, among them, the brideβs dress dreams of a family dreams of a white picket fence all went up in smoke jilted and pregnant bride cries on the floor, waiting for the sentencing from her parents now that her lover jilted her and couldnβt make an honest woman out of her
Feeling hopeless in a cesspool of a world That will never accept you -for your skin color -for your accent -for your nationality -for your religion or lack of one -for your independent thought Anything that doesnβt fit the image of white and Christian is blasphemous To be an βotherβ is to carry the weight of racism, discrimination, xenophobia All the phobias on your already burdened shoulders So they try to kill us with actual guns Or metaphorical ones of insults,rejections or looks of disgust.
Yβall should have known better than to fuck with me trying me on while I was still finding my footing as a woman to lust after me because of my curves and pretty face Never thinking my brain was still developing Never weighing the consequences of how your selfish ways would hurt me Instead I was just fodder for your game of lust- and you became inspiration for stories and poems about trauma I still wonder who I would turned out to be- if only you two would have left me alone
between heartbeats and honeysuckle, they fell in love this time, it was different for both of them this time it didnβt take much to see that both of them Wanted to exchange I dos this time they believed in forever and happily ever after
I give you the gift of my heart with everything in it so please be careful with it I donβt want it to be broken apart again if you decide to leave on a whim
scattered memories of you and I are tossed into the bonfire pictures, poems, and letters never sent burn and burn and I watch understanding this is our closure and our chapter is finally closed and I needed the bonfire and a final curtain call on an early February night to put us behind
this is a dangerous road Iβm traveling on smiling at your messages Creating a playlist inspired by you romanticizing every interaction we have liking every single one of your posts Wondering if youβre safe enough To get to know you beyond the walls of this simple friendship
my pleas for love fall on the deaf ears of the universe I scoff and get angry with her Wondering whatβs left to heal whatβs left for closure whatβs wrong with me that I need to fix in order to attract someone to love for the crazy, creative and complex woman that I am
me manifesting that one day I’ll be holding a book with my stories
middle age me is not seeking revenge on all who caused me trauma Iβm simply trying to make sense of the fuckery that happened to me Iβm simply trying to address the unhealed trauma that still lies within me and haunts me in my dreams Iβm trying to process and understand that I never deserved any of it Iβm trying to get rid of that shame and guilt Iβve carried from it and while sometimes that looks vindictive Iβm sorry but the only way to my journey in healing work is through uninhibited storytelling
Iβd never say I lost time with any of my love stories- they all taught me something about myself They all inspired me to write poetry and two of them help me create my three kings even if some of my love stories left me decimated and almost destroyed me they were all worthy for the love I felt the growth and progress I had
next valentineβs day I want to be calm especially if Iβm still alone I want my nervous system to be ultra regulated and not the mess it currently is
next valentineβs day I donβt want to entertain vengeful fantasies of getting my baseball bat to scare couples in the middle of their romantic dinner
Next valentineβs day I donβt to keep playing the role of bitter,jaded, and lonely bitch who allows herself to become a wreck at the mere mention of romantic love
Next valentineβs day Iβm rewriting the script of grief stricken lonely girl and will make it a day that will reflect on all of the love I have in my life
never set out to become a feminist but somehow ended up becoming everything opposite of what I was taught a woman should be in my young girlβs mind a husband and children should have made me happy even when I observed all of the women around drown in misery always complaining about their husbands and kids I thought that maybe with me, itβd be different and when I found myself in my grown up conditioned woman narrative I almost tried to die in that reality and knew it was never for me and for a while I searched for answers in others until I looked within and understood, i alone am magic I alone without a man am really enough and the only one responsible for my happiness and to make my dreams come true all a man ever did was drag me down and made me feel like the dirt on his shoe or like an ornament to take out at times for his convenience and when I realized all of this thatβs when I became an unintentional feminist, unapologetic and unashamed to be the woman I always wanted to be but had been too afraid to embrace until my middle age
me and my family have immigration jokes for day on end and some of my friends think thatβs sick and awful but its one of the only things that helps me and my family keep our sanity in Trumpβs American is making fun of our misery and misfortune
itβs how weβve survived generations of corrupt governments and wannabe dictators its how weβve passed resilience and strength to future generations
sure, we may cry at first as the life weβve worked hard for starts falling apart and our plans for the future are shattered because of a few megarich and corrupt maga idiots who run our government but right after we wipe our tears and break out in jokes and laughter especially now that whatβs supposed to be the land of the free gets more and more fascist and we swim closer and closer to nazi waters the only thing we can do is try to find a way to smile, to laugh, to find a bit of joy no matter how fucked up in may seem in this dystopian clusterfuck
rose gold cross ripped from her neck handcuffs cutting into her smalls wrists mami and papi canβt explain why theyβre nowhere to be found she thought officers were supposed to be good people but they hurl insults at her and call her a criminal and at 10 she can hardly grasped the severity of the situation they tell her over and over again βweβre taking you back to where you came fromβ and itβs beyond her compression because her birth certificate says Illinois because America is the only home sheβs ever known