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Poetry: Scenes of Dissociation

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

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I fantasize about death after my boyfriend’s rejection
I’m so out of touch with reality, a car stops inches away from me
the driver honks at me and cusses me out
I am 15

I want to throw myself of the bridge on the way
to confirm I’m my parent’s worst failure
but a kick inside me saves me
I am 17

I want my baby to stop crying, my head is starting to spin
with psychosis and I hold him a little too tight
until my husband takes him from away me
I am 30

I’m crying while spewing nonsense
while my lover looks at me in horror and disgust
I know it’s over
I am 40

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Poesía: Mosquita Muerta

Escribí este poema en febrero del 2022.

mosquita muerta

Mis compañeros quieren que me trepa en el armazón de barras
Y tengo mucho miedo y me da ansiedad
Les miento y les digo “mi mami no me dio permiso”
Tengo 5 años

Le digo a mi hermana que tengo que estudiar
con mis amigas pero en realidad
voy al cine con unos muchachos
Tengo 15 años

Llego a mi casa embaraza de 7 meses
y mis padres esta desilusionados sin comprender
“el porqué” si soy una niña buena
Tengo 17 años

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Poetry: Someday is Today

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

someday everything won’t feel so heavy
someday I won’t swim in anxiety
someday I’ll find self love
Someday I’ll be enough
Someday, someday, someday
Maybe someday is today
today I see the light
today I’m grateful for my life
today I feel like enough
Today I have self love
Maybe just maybe
Today I’m truly happy

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Poetry: Just a Phase

Do you need a break? From what?

I need to take a breaking from thinking about you
you’ve been on my mind lately and it’s annoying
and it feels so damn foolish
but what can I do when my heart won’t understand logic
I hope this is just a phase
I’m enjoying our newfound friendship
anything more would ruin it

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Poetry: Sleep Evades Me

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

me around the time I wrote this poem

I wish for sleep to take me away to a dreamless land
but I’ll take unpleasant dreams about ghosts from my past
just so my body can get a full night’s rest
But sleep evades me,it runs away from me
like a lover who lures me with a taste of love
only to abandon me on a whim
and I try and try and try to shut down my mind
but tonight an emotional triggers hit me and trauma visits me
My body and mind remembers the adrenaline rush
of emotional and physical wounds and it scares sleep off
I wonder what to do next and get angry at my traitorous body
but I remember-trauma is complex and while most of it has been processed
There are still remnants that come out to be seen, to be addressed
And I end up here with the nightmare of insomnia that won’t let me rest
And while it’s scary I remember it’s also temporary
eventually my body has to give in and I’ll fall asleep

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Poetry: Borrowed Time

How does death change your perspective?

word press prompt of the day
Masking be like
Acting until I make it

lately I feel like I’m on borrowed time-

lately I feel like I’m not doing enough 

and  lately this fucks me up

so I over work, over exercise,

and over post

to make myself worthy of my existence

I want to make sure I’m leaving 

some kind of imprint, some kind of legacy 

behind that I’m remembered by

but it’s really me trying to please 

the inner critic in me

who comes out when I’m most vulnerable

in my grief

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

Poetry: Duality

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

feral and without a filter

I’m constantly shunned from men who profess their love
when I show up feral and without a filter
They’ll call me their princess until I show them my wild
They always love me beautiful and submissive
and they leave when I get assertive and subversive
They feel deceived when they fall for a polite princess
And somehow end up with an amazon Queen
Maybe it’s the Incan in me who can’t reign it in
They say, “you’re too much, you’re too crazy”
Is there a man out there who can handle my duality?

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

Poetry: My Happiest Moments

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

I’m 18 and walking across the football stadium to receive my diploma
the one I almost didn’t get, my parents and I breathe a sigh of relief

I’m 24 and I hold my baby boy in my arms, it’s love at first sight
he’s the best birthday present and I’m humbled

I’m 28 and I’m graduating from college,it’s been a an arduous journey to get here
but I make it and my dad cries and tells me how proud he is of me

I’m 30 and holding my third baby boy, he’s my rainbow after the worst storm
everyone in my family holds him and there is an overflow of love

I’m 36 and my oldest son is walking across the gymnasion to receive his diploma
I cry with elation and pride, my heart is filled with pride and joy for him

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

Poetry: Forgiving My Younger Self

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

I forgive myself at 15 for crying over an idiot
who was never worth my time and energy
but he did spark my poetic voice

I forgive myself at 20 for writing more than 50 poems
about a 6 week relationship in 2001
but it did make for some hilarious blog content in 2021

I forgive myself at 25 for not fighting harder for my dreams
and for swallowing my anger and angst for the comfort of others
but that year I became a playwright

I forgive myself at 30 for drowning the writer in me
as I lost myself in my roles as wife and mother
but that year I launched my blog

I forgive myself at 35 for swallowing a bottle of xanax
because I felt like a failure as wife, mother, and worker
but the dark poetry from that time is some of my best

I forgive myself at 40 for wanting to die for two weeks in July
after being discarded by the “supposed” love of my life
but that summer I found the confidence to call myself a writer

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Poesía: Advertencia

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/26/poetry-why-dont-you/

porque no te armas de valor y le dices la verdad
en vez de correr de tus sentimientos con infidelidad y borracheras
estas haciendo dano a ti y a ella
pronto tu conciencia te devorara
no te estoy juzgando, estoy preocupado por ti
la gente está empezando con sus chismes
hasta piensan que soy la causa de ti infidelidad
y mientras me río de sus chismes
nuestra colega me contó la verdad
que ella es cómplice en tu infidelidad
y la mirada en su cara me dijo todo
ella está desesperadamente enamorada
esto es un juego de amor peligroso que estás jugando
donde tres personas se van a quemar

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Poesía:  Obsesión

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/23/poetry-infatuation/

las mariposas que siento por ti
se convierten en poemas de amor
aunque nuestro amor nunca pueda ser
y tú perteneces a otra
tengo que reconocer
que eres el nuevo objeto de mi inspiración
que se está volviendo en una obsesión

Posted on by pattytacuri · 4 Comments

Poetry: The Revenge of the Karens

I wrote this in January of 2022.

Karens always think they’re the best

one day the karens will rise up and protest on the streets
with their short blond hair auspiciously blowing in the wind
and their know it all smirks, armed with latest iphones
in their gucci bags with signs that say, live, laugh and love
or I want to speak to the manager
they’ll stomp in their $100 uggs with a purpose
to be seen and heard
with a purpose to complain about everything
wrong in their world
with a purpose to take their name back
one will get on the megaphone and talk about the oppression
they face because of their name or the pale color of their skin
or their higher social status
and people-well they’ll laugh at them,
they’ll love the absurdity of their message
and live for this-the least empowering moment in history

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

Poetry: Restless and Unsettled

Aqui esta la version en Espanol:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/17/poesia-inquieta/

I am restless and unsettled
realizing you never loved me
I was just another girl to you
nothing special, nothing meaningful
just someone temporary to pass the time with
I’m growing tired of this repetitive story
Another love that expires when I ask
for something more
Another story that starts off with so much promise
only to end up as another tragedy