escribí este poema en Julio del 2023.
soy una mujer hecha y derecha
y merezco que me tomes en serio
porque si no lo haces
mis palabras dulces se convertiran
en armas de maldad
donde gritaré las penas y desgracia
que tu me hicistes pasar
escribi este poema en Julio del 2022.
Me pregunto si ella te hace sentir
lo que alguna vez sentistes conmigo
o si ella te llena de placer como yo alguna vez
lo hice
y una última pregunta
que tenía ella, que tu me dejaste
porque la elegiste?
Acaso yo era tan mala?
I wrote this poem in July of 2023.
she thinks she should be thanked for flexing her confidence
clothed in privilege and luxury by posting advice to women
about how dining alone in a fancy restaurant is women’s empowerment
and I have an adverse reaction that makes me want to vomit
it feels like a modern day Marie Antoniette moment
perhaps it’s because I’m a working class immigrant woman
who struggles in America
perhaps it’s because the rights of the marginalized and working class
are being ripped away from us
and on my social media feed, this yuppie and elitist bullshit appears
how can I be friends with this bleached blonde Barbie
oh yeah, we worked together briefly
and I almost start to comment with an essay on how she should
check her privilege before handing out tokens of toxic positivity
while people like me are drowning in debt and lack financial stability
but I stop
this barbie isn’t worth my time or energy
it’s time to unfriend and unfollow the marie antoinette wannabe
who only serves to trigger my working class rage
who serves to remind of the injustice and inequality
in this capitalistic and racist American society
escribí este poema en Julio del 2022.
Demacrada y desconsolada estuve después de tu partida
No encontraba esperanza o fe aunque el sol
Brillaba por mi ventana
No encontraba paz o tranquilidad
Aunque estaba en terapia y tenía una vida llena
pero poco a poco, hora por hora
me levante aunque no quería
porque dios prendio una pequeña llama de ira
dentro de mi que se volvió en un fuego de furia
para poder sobrevivir él duel0 dentro de mi
que me quería matar
I wrote this poem in July of 2023.
I want to be dripping in velvet and have the problems of the rich
like finding a new pool man
because the last one got sick of my condescending and pompous ways
or cry because I’m bored and can’t figure out how to fill up my day
in a way that keeps me entertained
but instead I’m stuck in my working class cursed life
where my joints and bones ache in chronic pain
from constantly over working
where I’m constantly fighting to make ends meet
without losing my sanity
And constantly questioning my existence because of my suffering
I wrote this poem about someone I haven’t met yet.
honest and real intimacy comes with the passage of time
it comes with stupid and terrible fights
Where love survives
it comes with health scares
and encouragement as each person evolves
honest and real intimacy is not about consummated desire
that happens between the sheets
it’s not about butterflies and daydreams
it’s about saying
“Goddamn, this man is an oblivious and sometimes an
arrogant asshole
but I still want to keep him”
2/26/2024
escribí este poema en Julio del 2022.
Por fin paró el dolor que sentía por tu ausencia
Por fin te puedo agregar a mi historia de amor
Sin resentimientos o tristeza
Por fin puedo cerrar el capítulo que fue nosotros
Por fin puedo encender y quemar todo lo que alguna vez fuimos
I wrote this poem in July of 2023.
a text from an unknown number reminded me of my past
when I was sick with a love addiction
when I gave in to my impulsivity
when I gave my energy freely to anyone
who paid attention to me
escribí este poema en junio del 2022.
ella es original con su forma de hablar, su forma de ser, su forma de escribir
ella es la única que me trae paz y alegría con su esencia especial
amarla me siento como un sueño celestial del cual nunca quiero despertar
si no fuera por ella mi vida sería incompleta
I wrote this poem in June of 2023.
As I let go of my self limiting beliefs,
I grieve the woman I used to be
so insecure and unsure of herself
so hesitant to take control and power
Overthinking and catastrophizing constantly
it held me back from living the life of my dreams-
Jealousy and envy filled me up
Scrolling the professional and personal successes
of others on social media
Thinking, “that could have been me”
and giving too much importance to the opinions of others
wondering constantly-
“are they judging me?”
It was a toxic story I told myself since the age of 16
and it continued on and on until one day in my middle age
I exploded and decided to fight my inner critic
and challenge everything I thought was wrong with me
slowly, I learned to turn my story around
Slowly, I went from victim to heroine
escribí este poema en junio de 2022.
Te dije que no estaba preparada
pero no me quisistes escuchar
Y insististe, insististe que yo era la única para ti
que tu me amabas
nunca me preguntastes sobre mi comodidad
nunca me preguntaste si estaba bien
mandarme piropos y fotos sensuales
Y cuando te pedí respecto a mi persona
me acusaste de ser otra loca más
I wrote this poem in June of 2023.
my fingers tingle and almost grew numb
as I gripped the wire
and the tightrope shook
I wanted to give up
it would have been so easy
but something in me didn’t allow me to
terrified I took the slowest step forward
radically accepting in that moment
I will never be a quitter
escribí este poema en junio del 2022.
Después de ti, llego mi libertad
porque me liberé de mi propio juzgamiento
porque me libere de pensar que solo podía
encontrar el amor en los brazos de un hombre
porque me libere de ser una princesa sumisa
que daria todo por tenerte a ti
y ahora que tengo mi libertad
por fin tengo mi felicidad
I wrote this poem in June of 2023.
I want to fast forward to the version of me
who’s not always in her head
who’s not struggling to regulate her emotions
who’s not so fucking jaded and negative
when it comes to love
who’s not terrified of change
who doesn’t take things personally
I know, I know
I shouldn’t wish to be anyone else
and fully live and enjoy this version of myself
but lately, I’m having a hard time moving on
to the next level of my life
everything feels so comfortable
everything feels so peaceful
I’m scared to make any waves and return to chaos
even if I know it’s necessary to get to YOU
the future version of me who embraces change
with courage and bravery
Only this version of can dream of
I wrote this poem in June of 2022.
Once again I’m thrown off the pedestal for standing up for myself
for wanting respect
I’m accused of being a stranger and crazy
My response is :
I did warn you, I did tell you
I have no space in my life for you, I was never looking for romance
I never asked for your love, and now i’m the villain
and you’re another victim
a victim who love bombed me over and over again
a victim who harassed me with unsolicited dick videos and pics
who never asked for my consent and forced himself into my world
Sorry for not being the girl of your dreams
but I’m also sorry for any ounce of my energy I was pressured to invest in you
maybe now you’ll leave me alone
and maybe even one day, you’ll learn to ask for consent
and perhaps even learn to treat women with respect
Life on the BPD 