my oldest son moved out in same week my youngest started high school people keep asking me how I am and honestly I donβt know yet all I know is there a major hole that keeps getting bigger and bigger and I call it partial empty nest syndrome
The moon follows me on my drive home after open mic I try to take this as a good omen because lately I hold on to the darkness within let it fill me up until I ease into insanity gotta grasp at anything that looks like light otherwise my descent into madness never stops
heartbreak brings up raging hello kitty energy…hahaha
My love data tells me I shouldnβt try again because every time I crash and burn and cause trauma and drama because every time it ends, I get hateful and want revenge and While I do appreciate the poetry that comes after every broken relationship I donβt think I can withstand the heartbreak and devastation the next time it ends
When I think of the moon, I always think of your silhouette against it maybe it has to do with the many nights spent fighting in your back patio maybe it has to do with nostalgia catching up to me in the heat of august in the midst of many transitions
love makes me feel trapped trapped in a cage of desire and emotions I want to escape from but still delude myself into thinking it will be different this time, except it never is so Iβm giving up for a while- Giving myself time to prepare for my next victim
this was the best AI generated Art could do…idk,,lol
I met you on a cold January night at the IHOP across your apartment complex As I was eating up my loneliness with scrambled eggs and coffee I hoped you couldnβt see remnants of tears that had fallen before you came and you sat across from me and as we awkwardly made conversation I wondered if you would be the one to breathe new life into my almost dead existence I wondered if your kiss would help me reignite a fire of desire, would remind me Iβm more than a wife and mother But most of all I wondered if maybe, just maybe someone would finally love me
home is where poetry is where Iβm inspired Where I live life on my own terms without concern or worry about whether or not Iβm not enough or too much
People watching days are over, this Song era is now my reality no more longing or yearning over what could have been or what I once upon a time wanted it to be instead I focus on the genuine and loving connection in front of me the one whoβs not afraid of the creative beast who resides in me and makes me feel heard and seen even if sometimes that seems cringe or weird Especially after I admitted I had watched him while he slept this time he allows me to him without flinching when I tell him heβs the new muse of my poetry and heβs brave enough to share his feelings without shame and reminds me of all the things he likes about me the one who feels like my sanctuary to lay my love and poetry in
donβt judge others for the life you havenβt lived- not everyone has had the same privileges or self awareness as you some of us hardly had time to process one trauma before facing the next one and unhealthy coping mechanisms were placed itβs how a lot of us learned to live our lives with our emotional gloves and armor always ready
the rocking chair tells a story about the white working class for the past 60 years from grandfather to father to sons from the greatest generation to the boomer generation to the boomer generation and skipped all the way to the zoomer and alpha generation (side note: the boomer knocked up a pretty little millennial thing in his late 40βs)
the rocking chair has seen the first man on the moon to the alpha losing his shit when tik tok went dark for several hours
the rocking chair tells a story of the white working class from breaking the generation curse of illiteracy to educational achievements from factory days to caseworker days to bolton hall days
the rocking chair holds the dreams, the hopes, the struggles of 4 generations of the white working class
Iho Place was my teenage dream that ended up in a nightmare thatβs where my Papi bought our first computer and how I wound up in an AOL chatroom for singles it would seal a fate I had not intended flirting with and meeting strange men would lead me to some dire consequences I got into my first toxic relationship who ghosted me after he went to rehab for his drug problem and I dissociated after the pain of abandonment I was desperate for love and validation and I met a man the man who I would make a baby with Iho Place saw the first 9 months of my son and the start of my relationship with depression looking back-maybe it was also the start of my BPD I remember walking with headphones and losing time it was hard to be at home with my parentβs silence and disap
Kam Highway would see many changes in our family three teenagers in one house, our parents were saints at first we lived in abject poverty trying to find change in the secondhand couch for ramen or popcorn chicken or anything to put food in our tummies this apartment saw the awkwardness of my adolescence saw my brother almost fall into the wrong crowd saw my sister fall in and out of love until she finally landed her first husband next door and we had a pizzeria next door and also the interesting neighbors like the marine next door who beat his unfaithful wife or Tipper the stripper who was in a toxic relationship with the landlordβs son their song was Kiss and Say Goodbye by the Manhattans and the fun thanksgivings with all of the neighbors
my childhood was not easy and at times full of chaos good to inspire my creativity, one where I never needed much imagination since real life served up a lot of telenovela energy from toxic family dynamics to immigrant trauma to the ghetto melrose place in hawaii my childhood felt like a constant barrage of episodes where the adults couldnβt keep it together
beautiful women possess a certain kind of power itβs the power to bring men to their knees with just one kiss or make them fall in love with the prowess of their sexuality theyβre lionesses and make men their prey
Eventually I had to come up for air from my bubble and live in the real world where bills are piling up, people continue to crash out on my social media feed, and I face a constant existential dread constantly wondering if I am doing enough