he can say anything because of his pretty privilege I donβt know a woman alive who wouldnβt sleep with him 6β7, blonde hair, blue eyed norse God with silly rhymes Iβd be his working class Peruvian version of Sofia Vergara Get rid of my empowered Incan Goddess persona and become sweet and submissive just for him get wrapped up figuratively and literally in gravy magic
I hold onto my should haves for old times sake to inspire the poet out of me should have hugged him a few moments longer the other night so heβd get a hint of how I felt should have broken up with him in spring after that email should have cut ties with him in the summer the first time he kicked me out of his apartment should have divorced him the winter after I tried to die should have, should have, should have so many of them could have prevented some emotional disasters, earthquakes that broke my core but then again, should haves have inspired 1001 poems and stories in my tome of lust and love
Iβm lead to a higher version of myself after integration itβs uncomfortable and I blush red in this latest transformation annoyed and hate everything I write as most of it takes a romantic undertone I started to miss the woman-scorned and empowered who decimated her exes the one who came up with the clever phrase electronic pink slip but that woman is slipping away from me transforming into a woman who wears her heart on her sleeve with her poetry transforming into a woman whoβs grown bored of hating her exes and instead wants to be on friendly terms with them transforming into a woman who understands and accepts she not defined by her trauma or a diagnosis and instead should lean into the magic of love that lurks inside of her
Sometimes, I wish I could go back to being a princess go back to being a damsel in distress needing to be saved, maybe then I wouldnβt be so lonely but then I think of the sacrifices have to make to keep up that persona and every time itβs costs me my dignity and sanity every time Iβve ended up almost committed in the psych ward so for mine and my kids sake Iβve burned my dreams of becoming a princess again and keep on being the powerful and independent queen I am living life according to my terms, being selective who I give my lips and hips to and understanding that to become a princess again Would be a demotion to my identity
thereβs a song I listen to when I know Iβm truly fucked when I know I have feelings for someone when I get that sinking wave of romance in my gut that makes me want to vomit and swim in an ocean of anxiety and like the sentimental poet that I am I wonβt tell you what that song is but Iβll give you a hint itβs the cover of a 70βs love song by Will to the Power
my body keeps score even when I think I’m better even though Iβve found closure and made peace with most of my demons my body keeps score on certain dates and remembers unintentional trauma inflicted and the great impact it had on me great emotional earthquakes that shook and broke the core of my soul leading to breakdowns and breakthroughs understanding and accepting who and whatβs right for me and what isnβt
always second choice, a lifetime full of heather moments the universe makes a mockery out of me putting me in contests I never win never being smart enough, pretty enough, American enough will I ever be chosen?
ancestor, ancestor- which alcohol goes best with making shitty life decisions ancestors says, not the PBR, not the michelob ultra light, itβs too basic of an energy for the kind of epic shitty life decisions you tend to make donβt reach for the margarita wine either, too obvious, too much of a cliche and you already have plenty of them in your poetry Go for the Guiness six pack make your shitty life decisions with some English class since most of your terrible decisions tend to include some asshole whose ancestors are colonizer Englishmen
once upon a time I collected lovers like Pokemon cards desperate for attention, desperate for love desperate to cover myself up with another soul once upon a time I collected lovers like Pokemon cards I didnβt have an identity, I didnβt have any self worth I didnβt have any self love Once upon a time I collected lovers like Pokemon cards to find validation in my existence to use compliments to feed my ego to lose myself in someone else once upon a time I collected lovers like Pokemon cards I was undiagnosed with BPD I was incredibly insecure I was following the script prescribed to me once upon a time I collected lovers like Pokemon cards and that was a long time ago and now itβs been 3 years since Iβve been in a relationship almost 2 years in my journey of celibacy and 6 months since Iβve been declared officially single once upon a time I collected lovers like Pokemon cards and now I block anyone who tries to get near me and want to vomit when I interact with my crush
sultry July night at a pirate party fiery red Dionysian hair, body made by Gods caught his eye from a distance he wanted her, he craved her, he wanted to fuck her he approached her right away she saw through his toxic fuck boi vibe Said βno thanksβ and introduced him to me I was already 3 drinks in, mesmerized by his body Covered in tattoos from head to toe, his boyish smile felt an electric energy between us (or maybe that was the buzz from my third margarita) heβs the sexiest man Iβve ever seen, I WANT THIS BAD BOY! within a few minutes, we assessed each other and flirted he asked me for my phone number, giddy, I gave it to him and that was the beginning of the end of me and almost 6 years later, my friend still says, βSorry, I introduced you to himβ
entre la selva y la ciudad caigo en un purgatorio de identidad Caigo entre salvage y intellectual entre la selva y la ciudad caigo en dos mundos opuestos que alumbran la magia de mi dualidad
ramen 3 times a day in the dingy 2 bedroom duplex and it was an upgrade from the miniature apartment in mid city L.A the one where there was a bullet hole in my window so what if the stripper and the landlordβs son got in screaming matches so what if the marine next to us beat his wife weekly for her infidelity despite the poverty experienced, despite the trashy and toxic domestic energy that dingy duplex was freedom to me and my family it was hope and salvation from the nightmare of indentured servitude L.A had been
thousands of indigenous children never made, never born Fujimoriβs presumptuous superiority and cruel policies caused this inhumanity, this crime against the most marginalized the poorest robbing thousands of women of their right to procreate a shameful part of Peruβs history thousands of indigenous children mourned who were never planted, never had a chance to bloom perhaps their existence was a threat to those in power full of corruption, now weβre never know
mami dressed me up in ruffles and pastels whenever she could Iβd swirled and twirled in my dress until I got dizzy loved when everyone told me, βay que bonita te mirasβ and I awkwardly bowed, smiled, and hid sashayed to every single one of my relatives and did the same thing itβs one of the few times I remembered being vain as a child one of the few times I didnβt feel weird and like an outcast external validation learned at the tender age of 8