Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: chaos 2019

I wrote this poem in november of 2022.

me in 2019

the chaos within won’t let me sleep, won’t let me be-
I worry and worry and worry
about my kids, my bills, my productivity
and I fall into the purgatory of what could have beens
and of my many lost dreams
and disappointment and depression covers me
There was so much I wanted to be
I am the opposite of the American Dream
a woman dependent on her husband
a woman stuck in the depths of her insecurities
and anxiety
who longs to escape from this self imposed
stagnant mediocre reality

Posted on by pattytacuri

poesía: mi nueva felicidad

escribí este poema en 2004 cuando estaba confundida.

Estoy con alguien
que me trata bien
Pero te extraño, te extraño, te extraño
Tú cara, tú voz, tú olor
me persiguen cuando duermo
Y me levanto sintiéndome infiel
Soñando contigo otra vez
¿Cuando parara esta estupidez
que toma espacio en mi mente?
Ni es justo para mí o para el-
que no consigo olvidarte
Dicen que el tiempo cura las heridas
pero mi corazón no acepta la realidad
Que tú eres otro capítulo cerrado en mi vida
y debería concentrarme en mi nueva felicidad

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: it’s cool, it’s okay

Aqui esta la version en espanol:

poesía: gracias a ti

cupid gets it wrong once again-
bringing out a drawn out rejection for a month-
This time he tells me,
“You’re cool enough to make out with
but not good enough for my mom”
I almost throw my phone across the room
instead I say “it’s cool.it’s okay”
and take a pen to my rage on paper

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: saint tracey

I wrote this poem in November of 2022.

me with my oldest in 1998

saint tracey assured me my life wasn’t over
she showed me love and compassion
when everyone else shunned me
she accepted me for who I was
and encouraged me to follow the path of success
she saw the hidden potential in me
when other teachers saw laziness
she was a prayer from God
sent to me to remind me
my mistakes don’t define me
and that I was still worthy of the love
and goodness in the world

Posted on by pattytacuri

poesía: fingiré

here is the english version of this poem:

Poetry: Our Spot

tus palabras me queman hasta que soy nada
fui otra aventura más, otro tiempo divertido
para alguien buscando huir de su monotonía
no hay nada más que decir o hacer
fingiré estar feliz qué decidiste regresar con ella
mientras me hundo en un ciclo de autodestrucción y remordimientos

Posted on by pattytacuri

poesía: no se como

here’s the english version of this poem:

Poetry: Dear Son

Quiero lo mejor para ti-porque te lo mereces,
porque tu no pediste ser parte de este mundo
pero la sigo regando con mis decisiones impulsivas
con mis estupideces
y no se como voy a salir de esta última atrocidad cometida
que afectará el futuro de los dos

Posted on by pattytacuri

poesía: mentira tóxica

here’s the english version of this poem:

Poetry: False Fairy Tale

todos creen en nuestra obra de teatro
tienen la impresión que vivimos un cuento de hadas
si solo supieran como me insultas detrás de las puertas cerradas
o como mi almohada se moja con mis lagrimas por tu desprecio
estarían con sus bocas abiertas por la mentira tóxica
que vivimos cada dia

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poetry: Vow

I wrote this poem in October of 2022.

I’m a bonafide Born Again Virgin

the nuns at Holy Spirit would be proud of me
if they saw me with my self imposed celibacy,
with the solitary confinement I’ve placed myself in
They’d mistake my vow of chastity
as me trying to get closer to the holy trinity
when it’s really me being dramatic
about my BPD recovery

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: forever and always

I wrote this poem in October of 2022.

vows are meant to be broken

I no longer believe in always and forever
because everyone I’ve loved has always left
Or I’ve stopped loving them
always and forever is a fairytale programmed into me
when I was a young girl
It made me believe in the impossible dreams of true love and soul mates
the only thing love has ever brought me has been anger, sorrow, and self destruction
so my dreams of always and forever have burned to ashes
I bury in my poetry

Posted on by pattytacuri

poesía: monstruo

here’s the english version of this poem:

Poetry: Sadness

el monstruo de la oscuridad me persigue y me caza
no hay salida y me encuentro en una jaula
con la voz de mi crítica interna
que me repite “no vales la pena, no vales la PENA,
NO VALES LA PENA”
Y trato de razonar con la voz
pero no me escucha y me siento esclavizada
por ella sin saber lo que me espera

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

poetry: a letter to Eliza

I wrote this poem in October of 2022.

I’m worth much more than my beauty

Eliza, eliza, eliza
what have you done?
Entering a beauty content you have no business entering
While you’re beautiful ,confident and powerful-
Beauty contests aren’t for you when european beauty standards
rule society
it’s not that you’re less than them
It’s just that your type of beauty is only meant to be fetishized
to be fantasized about
your beauty is a temporary place for men
your beauty can’t keep a man, only excite men
So while I’ll share the link
and every now and then remind people to vote for you
Remember your worth is not wrapped up in your beauty
Because you’re more than your good looks
You’re everything
Kind, loyal, intelligent, witty, sexy, everything a man can dream of
A woman a man can really love and be loyal to
You just haven’t met him yet
Trust is the process-trust in God’s divine timing

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

poetry: a new love story

I wrote this poem in October 2022.

Maybe I need a new love story-even if it’s temporary
so I can find relief and some peace from this loneliness
That’s making me into an insane mess
Maybe losing myself in someone else
Will stop making me feel less-
or perhaps what’s really happening
It’s me allowing my depression talk me into finding a solution-
for my neverending frustration with healing and growth
and always having to look within for what I need
But perhaps if I had somebody maybe for once, I could just be