I wrote this in 2006 inspired by my husband’s parents.
Many of us speculate
Why and how these two met
She was always literature’s mate
he was very well unread
But still these two started
A very fruitful fairytale
One without castles
Or a tall, tall bed
But one that would blossom
Into a lovely romance
that would bring me
my special somebody
For the English version of this poem, click on the link:
Escribà este poema en 1997 . Estuve inspirada por una ira fuerte que tuve contra una de mis exes.
Eres una canalla
y eso me entristece
Presionas a las mujeres
con tonterÃas
para que se acuesten contigo
A ti no te importa
como ellas se sienten después
De ser usadas para tu placer primal
Nunca pensaste que una de ellas
se vengarÃa de ti
Ahora pasas tu vida en tu cama
Porque eres un maldito desgraciado
Que irónico es todo esto
porque tenÃas que agregar otra a tu lista
de mujeres usadas
I wrote this inspired by the first time I met Andrew. I think I kept on thinking about him and getting nostalgic because I was so carefree and happy when I was with him.
Not a boy but not yet a man
He took my sweaty hand
Dancing was his aim
Andrew was his name
And with his clown feet
He showed me moves so weak
And an excuse I was about to invent
But then the moment went
And that was our when
the slow music started to lure
strong emotions started to brew
Innocent love soon ensued
I was his world, he was mine
We were the most perfect rhyme
But then reality hit
A truth we couldn’t beat
And even though I’ve moved on
It’s Andrew, I’ll always yearn for
I wrote this in 2006 thinking back on my time with Lucas.
A shadow of our friendship
is all there is left
After life gets in the way
of wanting something more
And when I see you around
A wave, a nod
An acknowledgement we once knew
Each other
Our conversations are now long gone
But we’re forever etched in each
other’s minds and dreams
Here is the English version of this poem: https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/12/poetry-the-fool/
Escribà este poema en 1997 cuando estuve en una situación un desagradable.
Pensaste que serÃa divertido
usarme como otra aventura cachonda
Pensaste que nunca más me volverÃas a ver de nuevo
Pensaste que no estabas hiriendo a nadie
Pensaste que nadie se enterarÃa
de nuestro episodio corto
Pensaste que todo estarÃa bien
Después de cruzar aquella lÃnea
Entre amistad y algo mas
Pero nunca espere
el dolor que sufrirÃa
dejarme llevar por tus caricias
y tus abrazos llenos de calor
Que serias otra equivocación
Dejarme ser convencida
por tu creación de lujuria
Escribe este poema en 2005 pensando en un canalla de mi pasado. En realidad no me acuerdo quien inspiro este poema.
Falso, falso, falso
Fuiste un cobarde
Al aprovecharte
De mi timidez
Falso, falso, falso
Que voy hacer
Con este vació
Con el cual usted me dejo
Falso, falso, falso
Mentiras negras
Fue con lo que salió
Porque me mintió
Tonta, tonta, tonta
Es la canción
Que canto yo
Escribà este poema en 2006 cuando sentÃa una soledad grave en mi relación con mi esposo.
Estoy frustrada
Vivir asÃ
Sin deseo o pasión
Para nosotros dos
Lo único que nos toca
Es salir de aquÃ
De este mar duradero de soledad
En donde nos estamos hundiendo
Y nadar aparte hacia la orilla
de felicidad
donde pertenecemos
I wrote this in 2006 when me and my husband were in this monotonous routine of kids, work, and school. I felt lonely in our relationship and it was hard for me to express it to him.
It’s frustrating
Living like this
Without desire or passion
The only thing that’s left for us
Is to leave from here
This everlasting ocean of loneliness
In which we are drowning
And separately swim to the shore
of happiness
Where we both belong
I wrote this poem in late 2005 thinking back on how I felt about my second pregnancy when I found out. It wasn’t an ideal situation at all because I was still in college and my relationship with my husband was on the rocks.
This can’t be
happening to me!
but rarely does it ever lie,
that second pink line
Just when I was on right track
Again I am burdened for lying on my back
What will I do?
Who will I turn to?
How do I tell them?
Once again I am their biggest disappointment
To just sit here and cry
is just a waste of precious time
I have no choice
I have to get away from this awful noise
This will become my personal hell
Because of another persuasive male
I wrote this about my husband in 2006 when I thought he was being distant.
You didn’t think that I wouldn’t notice
That you have stopped caring for me
That when I reach to touch you
There is no response
How could something that started so beautiful
And intense end up so bland and empty
We’re together
But worlds apart
You no longer share
Your worries, your dreams
Everything that we once were
Has been shredded to pieces
But both of us deny it
You won’t tell me what’s wrong
Our silences are starting to be dreadfully long
Why can’t you just tell me
The whats, whys, and whens
Of falling out of love with me
And get our breakup over with.
I wrote this poem in 2004 when I was depressed because I felt my husband pulling away from me.
I think sometimes
It is better to die
Than to live this big lie
We like to call life
I think sometimes
It is better to escape
Then face
Such an unfair fate
I think sometimes
It is better to have the earth eat you up
Than to have to hurt so much
Over treacherous love
I wrote this poem in 2004 when I was pregnant with my second child and mad at my boyfriend (future husband) for his lack of affection and attention to me. I was obviously very upset when I wrote this poem and instead of talking to him I wrote and bottled up my anger.
You refuse to see
All the hurt you’re causing me
With your indifferent ways
It’s a miracle you haven’t yet gone astray
You refuse to see
Our son is paying the fee
He may still be in my belly
But the tears you cause me
Also affect him
You refuse to see
That one day soon you’ll lose me
If you don’t stop
Being so fucking cold.
I wrote this poem in 2004 about my husband, then boyfriend. I guess I was mad about his lack of affection. As you can see, this is a pattern for me. I bottle my emotions up until one day I explode.
If you don’t want any of this
You should just leave
I can’t take anymore
Of your uncaring words
I don’t want to keep you from
Having your fun
So just go away
You only hurt me if you stay
Go back to the way you used to be
Alone, happy, and free
And take your precious independence
You prefer it to our relationship nonsense
So stop acting like you care
To us, it wouldn’t be fair
Adieu, adios, and goodbye
To our enormous love lie
I wrote this in 2004 about my husband who I thought was being distant at the time. As you can guess, I don’t deal with rejection well at all and this is one example of many of how my mind deals with it.
Your frigid ways turn me into nothing
I don’t ask for much
but to you I ask for the world
I try so hard to make something
Out of the nothing
That has become us…
But all of it is meaningless to you
From the ages of 18 to 23, I worked for a government agency as an interpreter. I was well-liked by many of my coworkers and my first supervisor was appreciative of me. I was very good at my job and even cross-trained in many other areas that didn’t “pertain to my job”. However, at that job, I was also bullied and discriminated against for being Latina. I was also slut-shamed by my second supervisor and coworkers the latter 2 years I was there. I don’t want to say I deserved being slut-shamed but I’ll just say that I trusted the wrong coworkers with my private life and they went on to gossip about me to everyone. It was also a very stressful environment because of the work I did and clients I had to interact with. My depression and anxiety went haywire. In 2003, I decided to enroll in my local community college and major in English. In 2004, I was trying to go to school full time, work full time, and deal with my child’s new autism diagnosis. I was breaking down mentally and something had to give so I quit this job. I was fucking done. And this poem was inspired by that moment. I thought I had processed this trauma until it came back up in therapy in the summer of 2021. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had suffered a deep racial trauma that impacted me and still triggered reactions in me. I was angry. There is actually way more to this story and one day I’ll share it when I’m ready.
This was the hardest thing I did
but it had to be done
I couldn’t stand the gossip
or the two faces of everyone
the way they pretended to be my friend
but the minute I turned my back to them
they talked like I was the biggest wench
so much envy and hate
I HAVE TO ESCAPE
FROM THIS MISERABLE FATE!
so today I resigned
I didn’t tell them why
all I know is that for the first time
in a really long time
I feel something like happy
so long to the only place I have known
for an almost five year term
for once I breathe a sigh of relief
I finally had the courage to leave
so long to the hypocrisy of this place
to let myself stay here for another day
would only be a fucking waste
