I wrote this poem in January of 2020. Maybe I was mad at the patriarchy or just feeling weighed down by the expectations that society has on women. I know that for me, it has been a huge burden at times to constantly keep up an appearance that I am put together balanced woman even if I am falling apart.
me in January of 2020
The strength we have to carry as women is obscene Endless expectations weigh on us generation after generation We are buried in the burdens that society has placed on us since before we were born Be pretty but don’t show your body Be smart but we don’t want your opinion Be motherly and nurturing but still a working and productive member of society It is a never ending nightmare to try to reach the ridiculous standards placed upon our beauty, wealth, and motherhood Some of us seem to do it with grace Some of us are barely hanging on by a thread Quite a few of us would rather die than continue with the facade and the myth of a balanced woman.
are we going in time with our lack of rights with prejudices more overt- this is suppose to be a first world country and yet no one is safe sending my child to school i pray he’ll come back in one piece going to work I hope a mentally ill or disgruntled employee doesn’t walk in with revenge in his mind and a gun in his hand and i’m even afraid of sex birth control isn’t fool proof and I’d be forced to carry an oops are we going to back in time or is this the new America?
apathetic voter
full of apathy-i no longer have the faith and hope in government I once had i’m starting to think that renouncing my homeland was a waste to become an American thinking my vote counted for something, that it meant something aside from the ease of traveling my situation is still the same a working class reality where I’m still struggling a high functioning mental case doing her best to survive in a country that thrives on capitalism
polls
must I go to the polls and vote? everyone tells me I must to maintain my rights and for my future but lately I feel apathetic about it all- feeling I’ve never made a difference feeling like it’s so much bullshit but since I’ve heard Nazi sympathizers are in this race and I’m an other I”m forced to go to the stupid polls for mine and my loved ones survival
these poems are from 2022 and I’m more disillusioned than ever with the government. I’ve always leaned towards being a liberal/democrat and while I’ll still go out there and vote for whatever is deemed the “lesser evil”, I absolutely hate that we don’t have a third option that’s way more humane. And for anyone who thinks, “well, you should go back to your country”, at this point, I am working on having that as an option in the near future. Going back to Peru last year and this year has given me a new perspective about everything my parents gave up to immigrate to this country and it’s overwhelming because it was a lot. While I understand their reasons and while Peru does not have the most stable government either, the quality of life there seems better in a lot of ways. Who knows what will happen next year with the elections but I’m making sure my kids have their passports and I keep my connections with family and friends in Peru.
It’s been 4 years since I took an oath to become an American citizen. I took an oath specifically to Trump which makes me nauseous typing BUT I also took an oath because of Trump. Before making the decision to become an American citizen, I had never really cared about politics but that was until Trump got elected. If you were a POC or immigrant or both, you felt the shift in the racial tension in the U.S right before the election but especially after the election. Racists overtly made their ignorant beliefs known that immigrants were not welcomed in this country. DACA was in the process of being repealed. DACAmented kids who should have been protected were being deported and there was a rise in deportation for undocumented immigrants as well or well the media made it seem like that. I felt that as an immigrant with LPR (legal permanent resident) status, I could possibly be next. In February of 2016, I sent my paperwork to USCIS to solidify my relationship with America. One could say that for better or worse, I finally decided to make a commitment to this country. Here is my blog post about the process:
What has changed in the past 4 years since becoming an American and what does being American mean to me now?
Well, I’ve voted in 2 elections since I’ve become an American including the national election in 2020 (yay, no more Trump). In October of this year, I applied for my passport and have received it. Now, I can take a trip out of the country without any worries or concerns. While it is an immense privilege to be an American citizen since I now have a whole new world of opportunities opened up and I can travel anywhere; I feel that I haven’t really changed on the inside. I still see myself and identify as an immigrant but now I also call myself an American. But to be honest, my idea of being an American has changed. I used to think I needed a piece of paper to say “Oh, I’m American” but for better or worse, America is and has been ingrained in me since that hot September day in 1986 when I set my foot on American soil at the age of 5.
I was an American when every morning at school I would say the Pledge of Allegiance in my broken and terrible English at the age of 6 and 7.
me in 1987
I was an American when I went back to Peru at age 9 to get my resident alien status solidified with my family.
me at age 9 in Peru during my trip with my family to get our LPR status
I was an American when I met my childhood best friends in Hawaii at age 11.
me with one of my childhood best friends from Hawaii
I was an American when I had my babies at ages 17, 24, and 30.
me with my three kids right after their births
I was American when I started working for the government at the age of 18.
me at the age of 18 in 1999 working for the government
I was an American when I got my college degree in 2009 from the University of Georgia .
me in 2009 with my parents at my graduation from college
I was an American in 2016 and early 2017 when I attended protests and marches for immigrant and women’s rights.
me in January of 2017 at the Women’s March in Washington D.C
And I was an American when people told me, “my english is good for being a Mexican” or I’ve been discriminated against or oppressed in this country by the people that don’t want “my kind” here.
I used to believe that I didn’t belong here because of the racism, prejudice, and ignorance I’ve encountered but that’s no longer the case. This year, I finally let go of those beliefs because I’ve embraced that I am America and America is me. My life may have been harder in many aspects because I wasn’t the average “American born” citizen but I will tell you that I wouldn’t trade my experience as an American to be average. I I feel that working harder than the “average American” for my success has made me appreciate my success so much more and for that I am thankful. My parents had no idea of the many hardships they would endure making the decision to immigrate to this country but I am glad they made that journey. It’s taken me 35 years to get here but today I can honestly say that I’m proud to be an American.
me in November of 2021 telling my crazy story about being an essential worker
Overturning my right to choose feels like a slap to my face it is my american dream of liberty turned into a nightmare of reproductive imprisonment because of my 3 unplanned pregnancies, because of my 4 IUDs birth control pills and a patch because I am a woman scared for my niece, for my future granddaughters scared for the generations of women who come after me and I sit here at a complete loss for words and understanding at a loss for how this could happen a fundamental right ripped from right before our eyes while we were distracted with the modernity of society a fundamental right ripped from us that will take us back to the 1950’s
I wrote this in September of 2019 after I read somewhere about some politician making fun of AOC for doing the “Latina Thing”. It annoyed the fuck out of me.
So I wrote this poem in 2000 when ex my boyfriend Mike said something super racist about immigrants knowing I was an immigrant myself. Talk about cognitive dissonance. Lol. He also had a super nice red sports car….and yes he was making up for something. Haha. Looking back, the dating pool in the hick town I was living in was super limited. I honestly can’t say that this had to anything to do with me over reacting because of BPD…this dude was just an ignorant asshole.
My new boyfriend What you said really hurt I never thought you were a racist jerk I don’t know if I can get past your words Staying with you would only make it worst With time I could become like you And to tell you the truth That scares me to death So now I wish we never met And that I didn’t have to tell you this I hope I won’t be missed I wish you a good life I hope one day you become wise
Life on the BPD 