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poetry: right for me

I wrote this poem in October of 2024.

I’m the best of both worlds-sweet and sour

in 2021, I ventured from the moon and landed on the ace of pentacles
never expecting to experience a revolution of self love
never expecting to one day feel like I was enough
but when I found myself down and alone
with no one to lift me up
I had to find my inner strength, my queen resilience
to slowly lift myself up and walk and eventually run
towards the light my ancestors turned on for me
it became a marathon of healing with ugly twists
where I stumbled at times
but eventually I found a rhythm in my routine
that was conducive to my healing journey
and I learned to dance with life
life no longer happened to me as I sat quietly
and in my misery
this time I danced with life stomping my feet
loudly and dramatically
no longer caring what others thoughts of me
from that moment on
I became the heroine and my own muse
in my life movie
owning everything that happened to me
Understanding the power and magic
I always held within
had been and will always be too much for others
but it will always be right for me

Posted on by pattytacuri

cherry chapstick

Daily writing prompt
When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
View all responses

With cherry chapstick, I felt like a woman
I felt like a sexy vixen from the telenovelas
even though I was only 9-
and while everyone around me still treated me
like a little girl-
after applying my cherry chapstick
something awakened inside of me
Was it the beginning of puberty?

10/2/22

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: I’m Ready

I wrote this poem in October of 2024.

the day I found heaven

i found heaven on friday after 6 months of waiting and anticipating
my heart felt like it was going to burst with happiness
I found hope on tuesday night in his arms
I remembered what it was like to desired and wanted
and I didn’t realize how much I missed heaven and hope
until I found them again the first week of october
now I don’t want to let go of both
now I’m filled to the brim of my soul
with excitement for what comes next,
for what impossibilities I’ll make into possibilities
into realities in the next stage of my life
I will no longer live life vicariously
and stand on the sidelines
I’ll step out, take risks, fall and stumble many times
I’m ready

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: white pendejadas

I wrote this poem in October of 2021.

encouragement
keep going

Trauma after trauma
I have withstood
Standing up right away and pretending
everything was fine
There was no time
for tears or processing
of feelings
That was a luxury for
the white upper class
Therapy-pssst
No time or money for
that either –
It’s gringo concept
Self care – that’s only
for the rich
No, you’re a latina Woman
our people rely on grit
and resilience
There is no time for white pendejadas
No, you’re a latina woman –
you only need the strength
from your ancestors
to survive this life

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: finding myself in Autumn

I wrote this poem in October of 2021.

hope in my eyes
me in Autumn of 2021

The rain falls steadily in Autumn
and I remember the 9 days in the summer
When the tears wouldn’t quit raining from my eyes
The eternal emotional pain wouldn’t stop
the lonely nights I couldn’t sleep
the infinite anger and sadness that I felt
the emptiness that wouldn’t
go away
the food I couldn’t eat.
And yet I still woke up
every day with a determination to live
live for my kids
live for my friends
live for myself
even at my worst,
even at my most vulnerable
Somehow, I managed
managed to find strength
managed to find inspiration
and somehow managed to
find my way back to myself
Summer was the season
I died when I was
rejected by the one who
claimed to love me
Autumn is the season I was reborn
and I fell back in love
with myself, forgot him
and fell into the magic
that is me

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: appetite

I wrote this poem in in October of 2024.

this song is everything

I keep saying I’ve changed and that I’m different
but I still have an appetitive for self destruction
it’s the only excuse I can come up for letting you
near me and finding myself in a spiral of self implosion
is there something in me left to heal for me
to keep allowing you to make a fool out of me

Posted on by pattytacuri · 6 Comments

poetry: the stranger

I wrote this poem in October of 2021.

crazy eyes
me and crazy eyes

I don’t recognize the
Stranger in the mirror-
the me whose face
has more chiseled features
with a stronger jawline
and haunted eyes
There is no idealism
or fantasies of love
in her eyes
Instead, she stares back
at me with a look
of strength and determination-
like she’s saying –
“You’re your own savior “
and
“There’s no such thing as
Prince Charming”
-“The princess has been left
behind and you’re now a Queen”

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: our journey

I wrote this poem in October of 2024.

feeling like Dorothy

we went from devils to fools within a span of a couple of years
it’s a journey that almost broke us
one that needed to be taken apart
you needed to find out who you were without alcohol
I needed to find out who I was without a lover
and when we met again
I was deathly afraid to let you back in
and kept my guard up
making sure we didn’t fall back into the toxicity
we used to bask in
and various times I thought that meant
blocking you, ghosting you, taking what you said personally
but really it was me being careful with my ego and energy
not wanting to risk another emotional relapse
and the last time I let you go
I really thought we were done
but on a september night, you texted again
And while I tried to keep it platonic
I couldn’t help myself and found myself
in your arms once again
trying desperately to keep it casual,
to say no strings attached at all,
you can leave when you want to
but how can I do this when I keep
thinking about you
and suddenly I find myself a fool
in our journey

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: Google photos

I wrote this poem in October of 2022.

never forget

Fuck you google photos for reminding me of my past trauma and happiness
I want to move the fuck on-live in my present-plan for my future
and you’re here reminding me of someone I long to forget-
“Memories together” more like “trauma bonding together” or
“fabulously failing at this relationship together”
How many years must past before you stop reminding me
of my love fiascos

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: Dr.Vance

I wrote this poem in October of 2024.

ai generated 3 of swords

rest in peace and in power Dr.Vance
you were one of the best things about UGA
you were one of the reasons I got up in the morning
excited to go to class and learn
I never felt like an other or an outsider
as you taught us about Peppys and Johnson’s
many misadventures
it was one of the few classes at UGA where
I was fully engaged
it was one of the reasons why getting a degree
at UGA meant something
but alas, you needed your wings to be free
and fly away from your sickness
I hope you know how much you inspired
your students
I hope that at the end, you understood
how your creativity was a light in this world

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: lie

I wrote this poem in October of 2022.

I tell myself I’m not capable of love-
but that’s another lie
the truth is I’m very capable of love
But I’m afraid of it, I’m terrified of showing my vulnerability
only to once again be proven wrong, to once again go crazy
Only to once again endure the abandonment of another lover
So I lie to myself and say I’m not capable of love

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: 3 years ago

I wrote this poem in October of 2024.

determined and driven

3 years ago I took the wheel for the first time by myself
and there was no going to the dependent woman I once was
3 years ago I said fuck it, if I crash and die, it will be fine
after all I’ve been suicidal since I could remember
3 years ago I took the keys and landed in the driver’s seat
And from that day on, I understood the power I held within
and how never again I’ll give that power to others

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: how are you?

I wrote this poem in October of 2020.

hell yeah

He’ll ask me,
“How are you?
And I wanted to say–
“Miserable. Bad. sad. I hate you.
I wished for your death a thousand times.
I miss you. I love you.”
Instead, I said, “I’m okay”
And in the silence between our texts
I wondered
“Why? Why did he come back?
Why did I let him back in ?
Why do I love him?”