Alfonsina Storni found me on a cold november night and it was what my spirit needed to be resuscitated into feeling something Alfonsina Storni found me on a cold november night and I couldn’t wait to show mami she dedicated Hombre Pequeñito to Papi and we laugh at his expense for a minute Alfonsina Storni found me on a cold november night and I watched her 1957 bio pic with mami we stood in awe at how progressive it was for its time but at the same time understood how much progress still needed to be made for woman kind
You were one of my false starts this year it wasn’t your fault though I tend to get stars in my eyes over any man who gives me attention, And is equally emotionally unavailable
It’s a lethal combination for me And even if I know better, I always fall for it except this time I fell harder than usual because you’re also a man who calls me out on my bullshit
ceo assassin come find me, I bet you’re a crazy communist who can match my bpd and bipolar energy you leave me breathless with an insatiable sexual hunger to make magic between my sheets ceo assassin come find me, let’s run away together from this capitalistic bullshit society and form our own version of utopia one where universal healthcare is a real thing, one where no one has to work 60 hour weeks to make ends meet, one where we are working to live and not living to work ceo assassin come find me, I don’t care that you’re on the most wanted list, I don’t care that they call you a murderous psychopath all I can see in front of me is divine masculinity and bravery who’s fucking tired of the trickle down economics false narrative this consumerist society conditions us to believe and i, more than other people understand you perfectly I can’t recall how many times I, too have found myself in a murderous rage wanting to turn to violence to make my working class anger heard and seen to send a message to the haves and the heathers, karens, chads, and brads of the world fuck you and your vacations, your teslas, and your brand name clothing while the rest of us have to settle for crumbs of the American Dream ceo assassin come find me, between your anger and mine combined, it could be the match that ignites an entire revolution not just against those who deny our insurance claims but also going against the 1 percent who deny us the freedom to just exist without worrying about how to make it in this consumeristic society and parasitic world without going crazy
your boundaries are clear as spring water I heard them between the gaps of silence in our texts you don’t want to encourage any attention from me or send mixed messages so instead, you don’t answer or initiate any conversations and I don’t blame you for this- After all, I am batshit crazy, I wouldn’t date me either so I will no longer bother you I’ll leave you alone respect the professional boundaries and walls you have erected Take this as another sign from the universe I’m still too damaged for another chance at love
not sure when a new muse will appear I just gave up on my most recent one I can take a hint he’s not interested he’s scared because I’m too crazy and will fuck up his life and maybe he’s right maybe I’m not healed enough, not intelligent enough maybe for him I’m just not enough and this doesn’t make me angry I’m in the acceptance phase I’ll no longer bother him I’ll just let him be I’ll just wait for a new muse to appear out of nowhere from my dreams into my real life my manifestation game is strong though sometimes my aim is off
I still smile at my phone every time I get a text from you and ugh-crush season is here again- even as I constantly say, nope, it’s over we’re better off as friends, I’ll never be enough for him So I avoid you but you appear in my dreams Sometimes we’re a thing, other times you appear in the background and I can’t even make it a week without texting you-and haha- Surprise, surprise I still like you and ew- a crush in my middle age it’s so fucking embarrassing
estaba fregada apenas me sonreíste y aunque trate de mantener mi distancia por mi historia desastrosa de amor esa sonrisa mato la cínica en mi y tenia que conocerte
Sometimes I miss our rollercoaster of toxicity even when you came back to me sober you still managed to emotionally dysregulate me and destroy me and while I’ve tried to find a replacement for you no one holds a candle to you no one brings me the level of excitement you once did everyone feels meh and blah compared to you, everyone is mediocre
Like shipwrecks in a cavern, somehow we came together putting bandaids of lust to sooth and cover our loneliness causing chaos and rejecting each other only to always come back to each other and it was entertaining for a while until we both realized it was a waste of time and energy and fled to different caverns
a moment of serendipity happened when we ran into each other Christmas shopping You struck up a conversation and helped me with my bags and I told you about my plans for higher education and you said you wanted to help me and got my phone number we didn’t know at the time, one day we’d form a family get married and divorced within a span of twenty years isn’t life, so, so crazy? How ten minutes of conversation ended up leading to the beginning of one of my most important stories?
I called you my mr.wrong for a long time and hated myself for loving you- I knew we weren’t heading anywhere- you were the complete opposite of me but connection and chemistry kept me returning to you Even though I knew one day we’d end and one day came when we both got sick of our constant toxicity and shut down our whatevership And while I know it was for the best and we never wanted the same things- last night I dreamed of you coming to my house and sneaking into my bed And I wonder if part of my subconscious still misses you
magneto y locomía sale de la tele mi tío me llamaba su condesita y mi tía me llamaba linda y me río porque últimamente me siento como una extraña en mi cuerpo y mami y sus hermanas me dicen que me estoy volviendo una señorita pero lo único que veo es un monstruo fea y gorda en el espejo y quisiera ser delgadita y fina como mis primas pero por lo menos mi tío y mi tía no me miran así me miran como un tesoro bello y valioso
I met him outside on a hot July night he was everything I was not looking for but it was a devastatingly short fall and then I was lost in him and everything I wanted him to be It wasn’t fair to him or I expectations that were sky high with him I wanted everything but he wasn’t ready to be my love king Perhaps he was just a preview for a future love dream come true
8 years ago, I didn’t want to be here and took 15 sleeping pills one for every miserable year I found myself stuck in a story that filled me with misery 8 years ago, I didn’t want to be here and tried to disappear by any means necessary my demons and inner critic were getting to me and I couldn’t find my way out of the abyss I had fallen in and thought it be easier to cease to exist 8 years I didn’t want to be here and felt so weak I didn’t think I could make it but 8 years later, I’m still here and even though it’s kind of a shitty day with so many things looming over me and my hormones and emotions are getting the better of me making me borderline psychotic I am still glad I EXIST I’m grateful I’ve lived to see mine and my son’s many milestones I’m grateful for the person I am now who always triumphs over each catastrophe and tragedy and everything experienced between the extreme highs and lows of life I’m filled with love and compassion and with a hidden excitement for what’s to come I’m filled with awe and wonder for the miracle that is me
Life on the BPD 