Escribà este poema en marzo de 2022.
Soy el escándalo de mi generación
marcho a mi ritmo propio desordenado
sin pensar qué es lo correcto o moral
soy una mujer cachonda y alegre
que le gusta una variedad de amantes
porque la vida es demasiado corta
para seguir siendo una niña buena
soy una mujer caótica siempre actuando
sin pensamientos a las consecuencias
soy una mujer que ahora se arriesga
a vivir su vida con ganas y autenticidad
What’s the one luxury you can’t live without?
Privilege and Luxury
Luxury looks like the chauffeur
who drives me and my sister
to ballet classes
and my brother to karate
Privilege tastes like eating garlic cloves
in bed with my bunny
who wears a knitted hat
made by my Mami
Luxury smells like el amuerzo
of rice and over easy eggs
the maid serves us
Privilege sounds like a bomb
going off near our house
one of its residents
loses his hearing because of it
Luxury feels like my mami understanding
terrorism is at her front door
and applying for U.S sponsorship
through a relative
Privilege is having parents
who crossed the border
for us and with us
out of love and for our safety
here’s the English version of this poem:
poetry: dreams and goals
nos encarcelamos en monotonÃa y rutina
Convirtiéndonos victimas de nuestras vidas sin sueños y metas
pensando que nuestros mejores años han pasado
hundiendonos en el falso cuento que la sociedad
nos viendo que nuevas aventuras son solo
nuestros dÃas de juventud
I wrote this poem in April of 2022.
I finally read a book I felt seen in
I finally read a book that didn’t make a Latina
a side character, a vixen or a maid
I finally read a book that addressed
the complexity of the intersectionality
of an American Latina’s identity
I finally read a book that changed my life
Here is the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/04/poetry-i-wish/
estoy cansada de tragarme las opiniones de otra personas
que piensan que ellos me conocen a mi mejor de que yo me conozco
Asentir de acuerdo que ellos saben lo que en mejor para mi
pero cuando me defiendo
me acusan de ser otra Latina ardiente y furiosa
entonces sigo tragándome su palabras hirientes e ignorantas
que me hacen sentir pequeña y como una estúpida
mientras me quemo adentro con una rabia grande e intensa
I wrote this in 2003 reflecting on the immigration of me and my family. The first six year we were in the United States was a nightmare. I’m not sure how much I will share of my immigration story because of all the trauma involved.
I was five at the time
when my parents lied
they said it was going to be great
our brand new fate
we were going away
so we could be safe
we weren’t exactly prepared for
the horrors we would endure
the hardships and struggles
the wonder of it all
why did they persuade us
in them we lost our trust
now we’ll never again believe
what they want us to see
I was standing on one side of a closed door and I heard a conversation that I will never forget. I remember being five years old and running such a high fever that my vision started to get blurry and I had a massive headache. I remember the loud whispering between my parents. My father wanted to take me to the hospital, my mother argued they couldn’t because it was too much money. It was something that my newly arrived immigrant family could not afford. I remember that was the first time I felt something extremely heavy within me. I didn’t know then what it was but it would be the first time of many times I would feel that guilt of being a burden to my parents. Eventually it would turn into a certain type of guilt that made me swallow words and feelings so I wouldn’t inconvenience anyone. I have carried this guilt within me throughout since I can remember.This is a quiet BPD trait. This trait would lead me to becoming a people pleaser later on in life. As I have gotten older, I’ve gotten more aware of this and have become more assertive in making my needs known and met. I’m still not where I want to be but at least I’m way better than I use to be.
Below are a couple of links about Quiet BPD:
https://themighty.com/2018/12/quiet-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd-signs-child/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-emotional-intensity/202107/what-is-quiet-bpd
Life on the BPD 