Poetry: Bruh, I did warn you

I wrote this poem in November of 2023.

fr fr

my exes are scared of me for good reason
too many times I’ve used their words,
even their emails as ammunition
in expressing myself in poetry
sometimes, it was for revenge
Many times, it was me just trying to heal
but I did warn most of them
–I’m a writer–and I’m crazy
they probably thought
β€œOh how cute, a girl who writes a few verses”
they never understood how my wrath
showed up in my writing
until they leave and finally understand
they should have heeded my warning

poetry: I need you now

I wrote this poem in November of 2022.

“it’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now”- Lady A

I hope that when you hear that song, you think of that moment
when you sat across from me in that restaurant
and you saw my inner conflict residing inside of me
And you gave me permission to leave
and then you touched my hand as that song played
our spark was ignited, and it was too late
I knew I wouldn’t be able to leave
I needed to continue our chaotic whatevership

poetry: my favorite memory

I wrote this poem in November of 2022.

“still I think of all the bloodshed somehow bittersweet”- Conan Gray

My favorite memory of us will be of us falling in your bathtub
and the laughter and love that ensued after-
it was almost a tragedy that ended as comedy
and it was one of our last memories
before we both decided that it was better to block each other
from each other’s universe
and while I still think of you from time to time-
it’s no longer with resentment or anger I once had
it’s with only fondness in my heart of the mess
we were together

poetry: death to the season of fuckbois

I wrote this poem in November of 2019.

“psychopathic, don’t be so dramatic, we had magic, but you made it tragic”- Conan Gray

He comes with false promises of respect
and easy and uncomplicated lust
He promises never to hurt you
but it’s all a game to get for him to get laid
He just wants to use you for a hit and run
Once he’s done with you
He’ll discard you like trash
He’ll never see you as a person
He’ll only see you was a receptacle for his cum
He’ll only see you as an object of lust
and at times he’ll even claim to love you
when he sees he’s losing the toxic spell he’s placed on you
but once he’s got you in his bed
He’ll forget about you the next day
So it’s best to stop his emotionally poisonous game
that leaves you always feeling worthless in the end
and delete and block his number
and forget about the fuckboy once and for all

poetry: it ends with me

I wrote this poem in October of 2023.

me at night of spite in October of 2023

I come from a line of women who were never afforded
the privilege of telling their stories and speaking out their truths
they simply accommodated and according to the expectations
from their parents and husbands
they had no choice but to shut up, obey, breed, and stay
like docile animals whose spirits are beaten out of them
and with each poem, each blog post, each social media post
I feel a part of them heal because I will be the last in my lineage
to have followed suit and the first one to break out of the toxic narrative
where women should only be seen and not heard
where women should be limited by their gender
where women are only good for one thing
I’m the red herring, the hair out of place,
la malcriada-
who’ll scream as much and as loud as I have to
to tell mine and their stories
even as my family cringes
and accuses me of being dramatic and crazy
because to not do so would be a disservice to them,
to me, and to future generations

poetry: casual

I wrote this poem in October of 2023.

bud light energy inspired this poem

if we start this again
Boundaries need to be put in place
respect me and we can make this work
let’s keep it casual and leave our feelings
out of it
I’m not looking for anything serious
every time I’ve tried long term love
I’ve crashed and burned
so let’s give this a go
with purely sexual energy
there is no space, energy or time
for anything else
let’s keep things easy and light
devour me, fuck me like a whore
take charge in the bedroom
but not anywhere else
I finally belong to myself
and I’m not changing that
anytime soon

poetry: too much time

I wrote this poem in October of 2023.

I choose to change the narrative

I wasted too much time in comparing myself to other women
and blaming them when my exes chose them
and allowed my jealousy and rage to speak for me
Never understanding how they were all just innocent bystanders
in my complicated and chaotic love stories
I’m sorry, I didn’t know any better
and I wasn’t mature enough to take accountability
and it was easier to use y’all as scapegoats
when I lost war after  war of love-
It was easier to say you won
because I wasn’t educated and white like you
In reality, I should’ve used my ammunition
only towards my exes
It was never y’alls fight to be a part of
even if some of them used y’all as an excuse
for their departure
I’m so sorry, anna, david’s ex-wife,
my ex metamours,
maybe my message will come to you in a dream
or you’ll see this poem in my blog one day
and be able to forgive me

poesΓ­a: cuento de pendeja

escribΓ­ este poema en octubre del 2023.

La Bichota tiene razΓ³n

ya paro con mi cuento de pendeja que se deja menospreciar
que se achica para la comodidad de otros
desde ahora soy una loca, una reina
que es selectiva de quien merece su amor y energΓ­a
que cambia su historia de vΓ­ctima a heroΓ­na
que nunca mΓ‘s le va a rogar a alguien que la valore,
que la quiere
mis abuelas y mi madre no pasaron tantas tragedias
en su vida para que yo me rinda
a la merced de otro hombre confundido
que me trata como una segunda opciΓ³n
que me llama cuando le antoje

poetry: complete

I wrote this poem in September of 2022.

about to make a life changing trip

I longed and longed and longed to feel whole
until I planted my feet on the soil I was born on
until I breathed the air my parents and ancestors inhaled
until I tasted flavors from almost a lifetime ago
I longed and longed and longed to feel whole
until I returned to my homeland
and it was the piece of the puzzle found
I needed to finally complete me

poetry: beautiful

I wrote this poem in September of 2022.

a unique kind of beautiful

and the roses never wilted,
they just transformed into flowers
never seen before
for a while it looked like they were dying
as they slowly turned gray and then black
but then they bloomed into something different,
a unique kind of beautiful

poetry: chicha

I wrote this poem in September of 2023.

la abuela Mercedes

today I woke up overwhelmed, exhausted and in a fit of rage
feeling underappreciated in all of my efforts
to move my family forward
not remembering the last time I had a full day of rest
wondering how to continue this existence
of 60 something work weeks,
and of course the guilt over not spending enough time
with my kids-
I was downtrodden with grief and mad at the world
until my abuela’s story made its way to a conversation
with my coworker and a small light of hope dawned on me
if my illiterate and indigenous abuela Mercedes,
alone in the world could make generational wealth
in the early 1900s
despite the racism, the obstacles, and many tragedies faced
I, too. will not only survive but will also thrive
and continue to shine my light
it’s in my bloodline, my ancestry to evolve,
push myself forward despite obstacles, mental illness,
or life’s tragedies-IT’S UP TO ME!
as a Peruvian woman living in America in the 21st century
to make the best of what’s been given to me
which sometimes feels like the sourest of maize
and turn them in the sweetest and tastiest Chicha