Here is the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/20/inner-wealth/
siempre valía mucho más de lo que pensaba
pero no sabía valorarme, no sabía amarme
estaba desesperada por el amor de mis amantes
y les deje que me trataran como una muñeca de trapo
Pensaba que no era suficiente
conformandome con lo peor
No entendía que lo que necesitaba
era un amor propio para sentirme completa y amada
I wrote this in January of 2022. I was angry.
Fighting for my cause
I question everything I learned
I take time to pause
my childhood lies burn
and make feel lost
Fighting for my family
I get so fucking angry
Why are people so shitty?
insulting my ancestry-
projecting their insecurities onto me-
Wait, are they jealous of me?
Fighting for my life
I pause of a while
thinking about all of my strife
and the past I need to reconcile
to move forward with my life
but this fight is worthwhile
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/16/poetry-confession/
Que hago perdiéndome en la fantasía de ti
acaso es nuestra química que me ciega?
o puede ser que tu en realidad eres mi alma gemela?
qué importa que estes con otro
abre tus ojos y veras
que tu y yo debemos ser
descarta de la otra
para que podamos empezar a vivir nuestro
cuento de amor
I wrote this in January of 2022.
I’m at another one of life’s crossroads
trying not to make a turn for the worst
don’t stop but don’t go too fast
I want my momentum to last
I slow down and observe
and carefully ride life’s curves
and this time I really listen
and reach out to close friends
I’m not okay but I will be okay
soon I’ll find my way
I’m still grasping for a stable sense of self
and learning how to love and accept myself
I wrote this in January of 2022.
my real diagnosis should be “failure at love”
childhood trauma gave me abandonment issues
teenage trauma cemented it and added identity issues
combined with chronic emptiness
I couldn’t stand the constant void within
so I chased love trying to fill it
constantly sought out validation from men
to stop feeling ugly and alone
I’ve used them and they’ve used me
as band aids for our mutual loneliness
and when I start to feel sure of their love
it suddenly disappears
and all of my issues came back with force
with suicidal ideation entwined
And still I dusted myself off
and tried my luck with love over and over again
thinking each time it will be different
except it never is
they always tire of me and decide to leave
and once again my insanity hits and I break
Intrusive thoughts spiral in my head in an endless loop
“’i’m a failure to love,i’m a failure at love,
i’m a failure with love,i’m never enough,
i’m worthless, death must be better than this”
this was my tragic love story for 26 years
but on year 26, I said “fuck this tragic love story”
and I got the courage to change it
I’m not a failure to love, I’m not a failure at love
or I’m not a failure with love
I’m enough by myself, I can be alone by myself
and I turn into a success story of love
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/19/poetry-mr-new-guy/
nunca me has conocido pero estás intrigado
por mi forma de ser
dices que soy sexy y estupenda
y te llevas bien conmigo
puede ser porque te dejo dominar
cada conversacion
y se como acariciar tu ego
Riéndome de tus bromas estúpidas
y soy muy agradable
A lo mejor estoy siendo cínica
a lo mejor tu eres diferente
y debería darte una oportunidad
y tú no serás otro hombre
que me tratara como un pasatiempo
I wrote this in January of 2022.
everyone wants to be seen and heard
it doesn’t matter who you are
some of us show it through passive aggressive posts
on social media hoping they trigger a response
some of us show it with our fist by punching
holes in walls to announce our “masculinity”
some of us are quiet and whisper
“Don’t forget, I’m here too”
some of us are loud AF and shout
“I own this fucking space”
everyone wants to be seen and heard
it’s part of the human condition
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/01/poetry-january-12002/
otro año nuevo lleno con potencial y fe
otro año nuevo lleno posibilidades desconocidas
que me esperara este año?
una pareja nueva, un trabajo nuevo o más tragedias?
ojala que este año esté lleno con más felicidad que tristeza
y no es otro año desperdiciado en frustraciones estancados
no más con el paso del tiempo
sabre si este año será el año donde por fin
tendré el contentamiento que siempre busque
I wrote this in January of 2022.
You must sit in silence
to breathe, to feel, to understand, to listen
everything else is just a distraction
from really feeling
Silence reminds us of the humanity
that lies within us and how
we’ll never have all of the answers
Silence reminds us that
our heart still beats
and we are Splendid creations of God
Silence reminds us that
the beauty is in enjoying
this present moment
while learning from the past
and looking forward to the future
Here is the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/18/poetry-without-a-goodbye/
cada cuarto está lleno con la nostalgia de ti
la sala donde miramos películas de Almodóvar
la cocina donde me hacías el cafe
pensé que siempre estarías aquí
peleando conmigo, criando nuestro hijos
nunca pensé que el universo tendría otros planes
y que el cielo necesitaría otro ángel
I wrote this in January of 2022.
My emotions cloud and distort my reality
anger brings out passive aggressive social media post
sadness tells me I’m worthless
joy makes everything seem magical
numbness makes me want to end it all
hyper-sexuality makes me want to fuck almost everyone
My emotions cloud and distort my reality
I get paranoid, mad, sad, happy, and horny all in one day
My escapes used to be fucking and drinking
But I got older and wiser
And now I run and I write
My emotions cloud and distort my reality
And I learned to regulate and control them
I observe, I listen without judgment
and I honor my emotions
My emotions cloud and distort my reality
but now only for a short time
And I’m in control again
I’m no longer a mess of destruction and chaos
Here is the English Version of this poem:
Where are you?
¿Dónde te estás escondiendo?
mi amigo, mi persona especial
¿Cuando llegarás??
Mi alma gemela, mi amante
¿Cuando podre llenar este espacio
en mi corazón con tu amor?
Here is the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/02/long-wait/
¿Qué tengo que aprender antes de que sea mi turno?
estoy agotada tratando de encontrar a ese
esa alma gemela, aquel con quien siempre soñé
ese hombre que me extienda su mano
cuando empiezo a ahogarme
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/01/poetry-my-love-murderer/
verte de nuevo enfrente de mi
quería hacer una escena y gritarte
todas tus verdades
hacerte sentir mi dolor
pero mi sentido común me interrumpió
Cualquier cosa que hiciera o diría
en ese momento de ira no importaría
no cambiaria lo que pasó
o el daño que me hiciste
sería mejor alejarme de ti
y no darte una onza mas de mi energía
This was my response to prompt #26 : How has your life changed in the past year
2022 blessed me with more joy and growth than I could have dreamed of
I changed my narrative from a woman full of anger and resentment
to a woman full of contentment and an appreciation for everything
Unexpected and pleasant surprises filled up my year
swimming for the first time to Taylor Swift
music concerts that brought on catharsis
a spontaneous trip to my homeland where I found a stable sense of identity
and my accidental bangs in that beauty salon in Lima
I also learned to place my solitude as a priority for my recovery journey
It was the year when I stopped chasing love and unabashedly started
chasing my dreams, conquering my fears, and learning to love
the woman in the mirror
It’s been one of the best fucking years of my life
when I finally learned the meaning of gratitude and healthy love
Life on the BPD 