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Poetry: The Modern Southern Woman

I wrote this in 2016.

me in 2016 when I wrote this poem

Faulkner wrote about her ancestors
She stood like a pillar of strength between her mother and daughter
She stood strong as both of them held her arms that were their life jackets
as they drowned in endless sorrows
Tears silently fell from her face as her father laid in his closed home
And the reverend went on about him being in a better place
And her strength did not falter,
She let her loved ones hold on tight while she tried to blink away tears ,
She swallowed her pain and absorbed the pain from those around her
She wasn’t just strong for her mother and daughter,
but she was a goddess of strength among the mere mortals
around her that wept

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Poesia: Inocencia Perdida

Escribí este poema en 2006 cuando pensaba en mi juventud y como mi sensualidad siempre fue algo polémico y tabú.

Mi inocencia se perdió

 Cuando sentí esa rara sensación

No era las mariposas

  De las que todos hablaban

Si no–

El calor especial 

Entre mis piernas

Ese calor que yo 

Sentía al ver mi segundo novio

con apenas 16 anos

Mi sensualidad

Se me escapaba 

 de mis manos virtudes

Que diablos importa la inocencia, 

  Cuando el calor de los dos nos llevaba

   a un placer ilimitado!

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Poem: They Said

I wrote this about my oldest son after a very proud mom moment. I thought about everything he went through and processed it through this poem.

me and my oldest son around the time I wrote this poem

I didn’t think this day

Would come so soon

I wasn’t prepared for the

Emotions I would feel

“You were doomed to 

Be another  “statistic” 

They said 

And autism on top of that!

Good luck

Becoming a productive 

Member of society 

They said 

“No way, will you succeed 

brown autistic boy,

Son of a teenage mom”

They said

Yet here you are –

Proving the naysayers wrong

Here is where you belong 

Not yet graduated from 

High school but starting 

Your first college classes

Tonight

Here is where you belong 

Despite the obstacles,

The haters, society

Trying to fuck you over

Here is where you belong

-on the start of a journey to success

And here I am 

Beaming with pride

And love for you

My beautiful brown boy

Defying everything and 

Everyone that ever 

Stood in your way.

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Poesia: Primer Amor

Escribí este poema en el 2016 cuando una ola de nostalgia me visito y me puse a pensar en mi primer amor.

La inocencia del primer amor
Se queda como un tatuaje en tu mente
Nunca podrás olvidar cómo se sintió
Ese primer beso nervioso
O como buscaban rincones escondidos
Para mostrarse amor
Nunca se olvida la gran emoción
Que llevas dia por dia al verlo
Y nunca, nunca
olvidarás el primer amor
Que falleció con su repente desamor

Con solo 16 años pensaba que sabía lo que era el amor
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Poetry: Countries

I wrote this poem in 2016 when I was reflecting on how different my children were. At the time, my middle son was going through a difficult time and it was hard to deal with.

my 3 sons in July of 2021

Living with my three children

Is like living in three different countries

My oldest would be Singapore

With strict rules and laws, 

He hates flaws in himself 

And others and is unforgiving

It’s challenging to live in 

Singapore

My middle child would be a war torn ridden country 

Like Syria

That’s currently filled with constant chaos,

He is trying to find himself in a place 

He feels unwanted and lost

It is an unpredictable struggle

To reside in Syria

My youngest child would 

Be an established and friendly country like Spain

He is vibrant, laid back yet energetic 

Occasionally you hear about political protests 

That reminds me of his occasional tantrums when

His life feels unjust

It is almost a predictable and easy existence to 

Live in Spain 

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Poesia: Mi Deseo

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/29/poetry-i-wish-i-could/

Deseo olvidar todo lo que vivimos
el amor que hicimos, las risas que compartimos
Deseo hacerte ver el daño que me hiciste
Deseo hacer sentir mi agonía intensa y aguda
Deseo herirte y lentamente destruirte
Deseo que esto no me importara más
pero la vida no es justa

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Poesia: A Lo Mejor

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/08/poetry-maybe/

he caído en un abismo de tristeza
descubriendo que tu eras otro infeliz
que me usastes para tu placer carnal
fui ciega al pensar que me querías de verdad
fui una inútil enamorandome de ti
es mejor que ya pare
jugando este juego de amor

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Poetry: A Song to My Lover

I wrote this in 2015 inspired by a situation I was going through.

me around the time I wrote this poem

A Song to My Lover

Songs are written about people like us
Good songs and bad songs,
r&b songs, pop songs,
and of course country songs
Songs that try to capture
the complexity of infidelity
Most of them try to capture the guilt
and the grief
Some of them capture the romantic notion
Of secret meetings, stolen kisses
And the excitement
But there doesn’t seem to be
A particular song for us…
Could a song really capture something
so profound and beautiful ?
Something tainted by the reality
of our situation
Being with my husband is a commitment
I made
It’s an everyday task, not for the faint of heart
Being with you is easy
It’s refreshing not having to try so hard to make
sweet reality work
It’s amazing that you know what to do
to make me feel wanted
And my poor husband still hasn’t got a clue
It’s refreshing that when you are with me,
You see a person, a lover
and not just a wife and mother
These are things neve appear in songs
because our truth is an alternate universe
of the complexities of finding contentment
from someone else at the wrong time

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Poesia: Porque?

For the English version of this poem, click link below:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/15/poetry-why-did-you/

Porque me demore tanto tiempo
en descubrir que tu eras
otra cancion estupida
Porque tuvistes que ser una basura
y dejarme con un sabor amargo en mi boca
Porque me creí en tu actuación de hombre bueno
Porque causastes una herida tan severa en mi corazón
Estoy harta de este infierno de tristeza
Porque te apareciste en mi vida
solo para arruinarmela

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Poetry: Shadows

I wrote this poem sometime around 2014 or 2015. I was feeling nostalgic about a former flame I had been obsessed with. This tends to happen a lot with me. Letting go of my past is hard at times.

me in 2015 around the time I wrote this poem

Shadows of my past

Envelop my future

Everywhere I go

Time has passed 

I am older

Harsh experiences 

Have made my cynical

And embrace 

My mediocrity

But still 

Shadows of the past

Envelop my future

Everywhere i go

I’m happy that you found 

Your idyllic happiness 

With someone else 

And living the life

You always wanted 

But shadows of our past

Envelop my future

Everywhere I go 

I love my children

I love my spouse

But for one more moment

Of us

I would leave them

And everything else behind

Shadows of our past

Envelops my future

Everywhere I go 

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Poesia: Mandado del Infierno

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/09/poetry-hell-sent/

Debi seguido mi intuición
cuando sentí que me mentías
Cuando me decías que estabas trabajando
En realidad, estabas follando
Debí irme de tu vida
la primera vez que me mentiste
pero quería creer en tu cuento de hadas
ahora siento un alivio profundo desde que terminamos
porque tu fuistes mandado del infierno

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Poetry: Silence

I wrote this 2013 about my husband.

silence kills

Silence, awkward silence is what was left after everything they needed to say was said

 It was the same fight over and over again.

Old wounds were brought to the surface and reopened. 

She blamed him for derailing her ambitions

 and he blamed her for derailing the productive and selfish life he once led. 

They both couldn’t see that they were both at fault

 for not continuing to push each other to flourish

 but instead they fell into a complacent spell 

And a pattern of a comfortable 

and the fruitless routine of suburban life.

 And the years went on and they had nothing to show for it 

except debt and wrinkles they both inflicted upon themselves. 

And the years went on and all that was left 

was regret for her for the things that she didn’t get to experien

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Poesia: Otro Mas

For the English Version of this poem, click link below:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/19/poetry-i-thought/

Fuistes otro amor falso
otro lleno de perfidio
pretendiendo tener buenas intenciones
me causaste una desconfianza profunda

Espinas de odio crecieron en mi
aprendiendo que era otra falda más
fue una verdad difícil de tragar
Ahora gritaré todo mi miseria y rencor

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Poetry: Her Last, His First

I wrote this poem in 2006 about my Mother In Law and my second son. We lived with her for a year and she was enamored by him.

Almost frozen in her familiarity
Trapped by her body’s slow betrayal
Boredom and solitude embrace her tightly
Her unheard cries drown her
Forgotten, forgotten she was
Her world had come to an almost silent
Pause
Until
She saw him
With beady eyes as blue as hers
And skin rumpled as lover’s sheets
He was a heinous sight
But to her
He was splendid to her dying eyes
He became her last burst of joy,
Her last adoration
And her last breath of life
She was ending with his fresh scent of purity
And he was starting with her aged scent of experience