I wrote this poem in April of 2022.
I love to play the game of love recklessly
gambling with my sanity, gambling with my worth
gambling with my self-esteem
losing every single time
But I love love
So I’ll repeat this insanity until self-love is enough
I wrote this poem in April of 2023.
the freedom and independence in my son
brings me a sense of pride with so much happiness
I see his fiery spirit shine from within
and his light is so bright-
I know I’ve done something right
he’s not afraid to take risks, he’s not afraid of failure
He’s not afraid to be himself
and I breathe a sense of relief
he will not bear the sense of forced obligations
or burden of expectations I had-
instead he’ll make himself and his happiness
a priority above all else
while still caring for humanity
it’s the beginning of breaking a generational curse
of obedient and silent martyrdom
that’s been inherited for generations
aqui esta la version en Espanol:
poesía: inesperado
thought I was done with this part of my life
accepted solitude was now my new life
but you had to smile at me
butterflies appear and I want to vomit
my heart races everytime you’re near
And ugh, I fucking hate you for this
so embarrassing at my age to crush on someone so hard
and to write poems about a new unrequited love
And I tried to ignore and quell this feeling
but you have the audacity to appear in my dreams
maybe it’s your fire energy, maybe it’s your poetry
I’m not sure exactly what it is
but fuck you for bringing out the romantic in me
I wrote this poem in april of 2023.
a pretty existence is presented on social media
for the world to see
how we’re all living our best lives
seldom do we share our struggles
because we’re all too scared of being vulnerable
because we’re scared of being perceived as weak
for showing who we really are
escribí este poema en en 2006.
algo inesperado pasó hoy
fue tu mirada que me dejo sin aire
fue tu energía cerca a la mía que resucitó mi corazón
fue una esperanza nueva de amor que volvió
que ahora me quita el sueño y la razón
I wrote this poem in April of 2023.
we all fuck up from time to time and have to remind ourselves
we are not our worst mistakes, our terrible breakups, or our emotional relapses
to be human is to make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes will feel catastrophic
and that’s when your inner critic with the help of shame and guilt will step in
trying to make you feel like a piece of shit, worthless and useless when it comes to everything
acknowledge it, honor it if you have to but don’t get stuck in it
because this is not the entirety of you
this is just a small fraction of your being-
don’t get caught up in the worst of yourself-
remind yourself of your strength and the gifts that you bring into this world
I wrote this poem in April of 2023.
my friends dragged me to the tide pool
even though I don’t know how to swim
they put a life vest and tire around me
they don’t want me to miss out on the fun
it was one of the first times
I felt the splendor of a community of love
here’s the english version of this poem:
poetry: your replacement
por mucho tiempo te odie por no ser un padre para el
pero después de tantos años veo que es mejor asi
porque tu reemplazo fue mucho mejor
le enseno a afeitarse, a manejar, y como ser un hombre
lleno de compasión e integridad
tu reemplazo todavía lo cuida
aunque el es un hombre hecho y derecho
tu reemplazo fue un buen padre
aunque el no lleva su sangre
I wrote this poem in April of 2023.
Always has never been a friend of mine
because of the many lies I associate with it
I’ll always be here for you-
I’ll always love you
I’ll always be your friend
so now I never believe people who say always
Instead, I look at them with cynicism
And tell them, “that’s nice but I don’t believe you”
this poem is inspired by a poem I wrote in 2006 about my first baby daddy.
He turned out fine without you in his life
I understand now that it was for the best
that you weren’t a part of his story
I no longer hold resentment for you
your replacement taught him
all of the important things
how to shave, how to drive
compassion and kindness
your replacement still checks up on him
even though he’s a grown
your replacement was never called Dad
but your replacement is the only father
he’s ever known
I wrote this poem in april of 2023.
as I hug the tree, I feel the gentleness
of this most magnificent masterpiece of oak
it’s a reminder of God’s love
for my wretched soul
here’s the English version of this poem:
Poetry: License
agobiada y frustrada desde una temprana edad
con la responsabilidad de mi maternidad
nunca tuve tiempo para apreciar la bendición que eran mis hijos
Nunca pude entender que mis hijos son el mejor regalos
que me pudo dar el universo
pero después de cumplir 40
y recibí un diagnóstico que cambiaría mi vida
Por fin pude sentir una gratitud verdadera por mis tres reyes
Por fin pude apreciar la felicidad que ellos me brindan
Por fin pude convertir mi historia de madre frustrada
a madre feliz y orgullosa
Life on the BPD 