poetry: run away

I wrote this poem in December of 2024.

run away from your demons, run away from your trauma
by running away to the philippines and abandoning your 4 children
and playing happy families with the girl who’s only 2 years older
than your oldest son
run away and try to live out your own version of happiness
pretend your American nightmare was a nightmare
lived and already forgotten about
except your children’s faces and all of your misdeeds
will come to haunt you in your dreams the minute
you find sleep
it won’t matter how many trips, how many child brides you have,
how much you tell yourself “I’m great, I’m fine”
all of that guilt sits in your gut ready to burst
ready to explode and another bout of pleading forgiveness
will appear out of nowhere as you near 50
and after that happens
Karma will come around
you’ll sow what you harvest and reaped

poetry: it ends with me

I wrote this poem in October of 2023.

me at night of spite in October of 2023

I come from a line of women who were never afforded
the privilege of telling their stories and speaking out their truths
they simply accommodated and according to the expectations
from their parents and husbands
they had no choice but to shut up, obey, breed, and stay
like docile animals whose spirits are beaten out of them
and with each poem, each blog post, each social media post
I feel a part of them heal because I will be the last in my lineage
to have followed suit and the first one to break out of the toxic narrative
where women should only be seen and not heard
where women should be limited by their gender
where women are only good for one thing
I’m the red herring, the hair out of place,
la malcriada-
who’ll scream as much and as loud as I have to
to tell mine and their stories
even as my family cringes
and accuses me of being dramatic and crazy
because to not do so would be a disservice to them,
to me, and to future generations