What’s a song lyric that has stuck with you forever?
“Cut people like tags on my clothing”
🥹🙄😒😘🥳
Of course it’s a Conan Gray lyric 🙄 😒
exercise
The main thing I’ve done to improve my sleep is try to go to the gym consistently. I do this especially when I’m depressed, super stressed out or just feeling super angry. It helps to relax me and it tires me out. Sometimes, when it’s not so hot, I do try to go for a 30 min walk/jog. It’s also helpful for mental clarity. There’s also something about the right song hitting when you’re on the treadmill or stairmaster that’s rather powerful and invigorating. I always leave the gym in a much better mood.
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In this fcking heat
Hit 5,000 steps today and drop your achievement here — we’re cheering you on!
Seriously, is WordPress trying to kill me? 😪🥵 I’m already mad when I have to go outside to my car. I think I’m too sane, too old and tired to attempt such a thing. Instead, let me get on here and post some weird shit.
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Failure
What’s the best way to deal with negative thoughts?
On the days when I feel like a complete failure cause I got like 3 or 4 rejection emails for my poems and my bank account is almost in the negative. I do a couple of things.
- Go for a walk or the gym to exercise the frustration out.
Or I write a list of new goals and manifestations.
I also remind myself that bad days are inevitable and temporary. Try to remind myself how much progress I’ve had the past 10 years and I’ve been through worst times and made it through the other side. Also, at the very least, I will have gotten inspiration for a new poem so, technically I still win. I also remind myself that rejection and failure are part of the process and have also been my greatest lessons.
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Paula by Isabel Allende *spoiler alert*
If you could change the ending of any book, which one would it be?
I’ve recently finished rereading Paula by Isabel Allende. It’s a memoir that Isabel Allende wrote while her daughter was in a coma. Allende wrote about the extra ordinary life she’s lived. Like that woman went through a lot of hardships, from being raised by a single mom in 1940s Chile to moving around a lot because of her step-dad’s job to being exiled in the 70s and she had to seek out refuge in Venezuela. She wrote this book with hope that her daughter would wake up from her coma to read it. Sadly, that didn’t happen because her daughter died at the end. So, I wish I could change that part and that some kind of miracle would have come through for Paula and she would have woken up from her coma.
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You
What’s a book, movie, or TV show that you wish you could experience again for the first time?
I really wish I could experience watching the show “You” all over again. For a while, I was super obsessed with it and even wrote an essay about relating to the main character “Joe” which I even posted on my blog. I unpublished it because later on, I found it way too personal and a bit cringe but it was still a great essay. 😞 But of, this was before I finished therapy. Oh, and also wrote poems inspired by “Joe”. Now, those are somewhere on my blog. Now, I’m too sane to relate in even the mildest of ways to Joe. Sad times. 😞 Actually, I think at this point, it’s just impossible for me to crush on or like anyone. 🤔
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20
What is something you wish you could tell your 20-year-old self?
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Honestly
If you had an unlimited budget for 24 hours, what would you do?
Pay off all of my debt, pay mine and my parents rent 12 months in advance and pay my son’s car note. Also go through any go fund me friends and acquaintances and donate what they need. Also, sign up for a couple of writing workshops and pay fees for that. And buy lots of pretty dresses, journals and books. 🥳🥳🥀
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Conan Gray!
What is the best concert you have been to?
The best concert was Conan Gray!!!!
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Excitement
Write about your first computer.
Excitement over our new computer
I can’t wait to get into those yahoo and aol chatrooms
I’ll bet I’ll meet someone and maybe even fall in love
maybe I’ll have better luck find a man online
than I have in real life
maybe the man I find will stay and become
my soulmate
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three poems about my political views
new America
are we going in time with our lack of rights
with prejudices more overt-
this is suppose to be a first world country
and yet no one is safe
sending my child to school
i pray he’ll come back in one piece
going to work
I hope a mentally ill or disgruntled employee
doesn’t walk in with revenge in his mind
and a gun in his hand
and i’m even afraid of sex
birth control isn’t fool proof
and I’d be forced to carry an oops
are we going to back in time
or is this the new America?
apathetic voter
full of apathy-i no longer have the faith and hope in government I once had
i’m starting to think that renouncing my homeland was a waste to become an American
thinking my vote counted for something, that it meant something
aside from the ease of traveling
my situation is still the same
a working class reality where I’m still struggling
a high functioning mental case doing her best to survive
in a country that thrives on capitalism
polls
must I go to the polls and vote?
everyone tells me I must
to maintain my rights and for my future
but lately I feel apathetic about it all-
feeling I’ve never made a difference
feeling like it’s so much bullshit
but since I’ve heard Nazi sympathizers are in this race
and I’m an other
I”m forced to go to the stupid polls
for mine and my loved ones survival
these poems are from 2022 and I’m more disillusioned than ever with the government. I’ve always leaned towards being a liberal/democrat and while I’ll still go out there and vote for whatever is deemed the “lesser evil”, I absolutely hate that we don’t have a third option that’s way more humane. And for anyone who thinks, “well, you should go back to your country”, at this point, I am working on having that as an option in the near future. Going back to Peru last year and this year has given me a new perspective about everything my parents gave up to immigrate to this country and it’s overwhelming because it was a lot. While I understand their reasons and while Peru does not have the most stable government either, the quality of life there seems better in a lot of ways. Who knows what will happen next year with the elections but I’m making sure my kids have their passports and I keep my connections with family and friends in Peru.
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Inner child
What does it mean to be a kid at heart?
lean into your inner child, let your spirit once again
be filled with awe and wonder
forget society’s rules that tells you to act your age
to control yourself,
who determines these stupid conventions and norms
anyways
sing out loud at the table, dance in your office
tell a stranger you’re glad they exist,
run in a field of flowers and giggle
lean into your inner child, let your spirit once again
be filled with awe and wonder
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cherry chapstick
Daily writing prompt
When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
With cherry chapstick, I felt like a woman
I felt like a sexy vixen from the telenovelas
even though I was only 9-
and while everyone around me still treated me
like a little girl-
after applying my cherry chapstick
something awakened inside of me
Was it the beginning of puberty?
10/2/22
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3 wishes
You have three magic genie wishes, what are you asking for?
- 50 k to pay bills and go on a trip.
- For the government shut down to stop so people can get their food stamps and the federal employees can get paid.
- Motivation to finish writing my book.
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Ivy
Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.
the ceilings of America are laced with poison ivy
every time I act out of the norm or forget to code switch
people tell me I’m too dramatic -ouch-
accused of being toxic and crazy-damn
and a rash of doubt takes over my mind
I’ll never fit it, no one will ever love or accept me
and I turn down who I am
but even that doesn’t work
it makes things worse
and I explode and project-
fuck you, you’re blocked
then I discover therapy -slowly I heal
accept the pieces of myself that will never fit in
exhibit myself in my most authentic form
and slowly the poison ivy becomes an ivy of love and growth
and I understand that to be happy
I need let go of normalcy
and embrace my unconventional and eccentric self
Life on the BPD 