Poetry: Restless and Unsettled

Aqui esta la version en Espanol:


I am restless and unsettled
realizing you never loved me
I was just another girl to you
nothing special, nothing meaningful
just someone temporary to pass the time with
I’m growing tired of this repetitive story
Another love that expires when I ask
for something more
Another story that starts off with so much promise
only to end up as another tragedy

Poetry: Like Every Other Fool

I wrote this 20 years ago on November 1st right before the great breakup of 2001. I wish I could say that I get over breakups quicker now but that would be a lie. After fights or breakups with partners, I seem to always go back to the girl I was in my teens and 20s. My brain is wired that way and I’ve accepted it. It’s something called age regression that shows up in people with Borderline Personality Disorder. Fear of abandonment is so severe that some of us will feel like we are literally dying after a breakup. Some of us will stop eating, some of us will sleep for days, some of will self harm or have suicidal ideation. With each breakup, I’ve noticed I’ve acquired healthier coping mechanisms. Nowadays, I’ve learned to listen more to what I need in order to heal than what doing what I used to do to escape the pain of heartbreak. My method now is cut off all contact with the ex, exercise, write a LOT and do loads of self care. I’m careful not to fall into any quick escapes from my feelings like going on tinder and trying to find someone new. Do I think I will ever get better at accepting a breakup like a normal person? I don’t know but I hope so. While I’m thankful for all of the inspiration and growth that comes from every breakup ;it’s also very overwhelming, exhausting and draining at times.


You showed up unexpectedly in my life
Like a pleasant surprise
Calling and seeing me every day
Making me dinner
and leaving me roses on my dashboard
I thought “finally, the one has come”
Suddenly all of those nice things
started becoming scarce
The dinners, the roses, seeing me
became non-existent
Even talking to you on the phone
has become too much of a bother of you
I’m no fool, I know exactly
where this doomed thing is headed
Pretty soon you’ll give me some lame excuse
As to why “we” can no longer be
And my heart will shatter
into pieces yet again
There will be nothing left to say
I’ll just realize once again
You’re just like every other fool

Poetry: Sea of Misery

I wrote this in 2001 about my ex Paul after he broke up with me via email after a couple of months dating. This is the last of the poems about Paul. Here is my blog post about my story with him:


Well, well, well
Here I am
Drowning in a sea of misery
Because of your selfish and miserable self

Thank you for all
the hell you have put me through

Glad I was used
As meaningless tool
To realize how much
Another meant to you

Nightmare of deceit, betrayal, and lies
was what was behind all of those dreamlike kisses,
Beautiful words and caresses

Poem: That Special Key

Para la version en Espanol:


This was one of the first poems I wrote in 1996 so I was 15. I didn’t realize then that I would always use writing as a way to process my many, many feelings after breakups. I also want to mention that this breakup of 1996 is the one that I mention in my other blog post :

A New Diagnosis: BPD

another related poem is this one:

Poetry: Another Mate

I sometimes wonder what went wrong
Was it you not telling me “I love you” just that one time
Or was it me and my wanting to have you all the time
Sometimes I get pissed
Wondering why I did that or this
Or maybe I couldn’t understand
If only you gave a damn
And even though it’s been a long time
And even though we’ve gone our separate ways
My love for you still hasn’t fade away
It still grows with each passing day
And even though it can never go back to how it use to be
You’ll always hold that special key

Poetry: I Still Love You

I wrote this in 1999 about ex. I’m not sure which ex this was about to be honest. Lol. I guess I was just feeling both nostalgic and super salty at the time.

me in 1999 around the time I wrote this poem…lol

I still love you
I don’t know why
I guess you were one of the few
I was proud to call my special guy
Or maybe you were the first one I was with
To give me that special gift
By loving me the way you did
You never made me feel like a little kid
But then she came
And to you I became
A thing of the past
That came and went by fast
But still I wish
You wouldn’t have met that bitch
Because I know
You wouldn’t have let me go

Poetry: Another Girl

I wrote this in 2001 after experiencing a really bad break up. Break ups tend not just break my heart but also make question my self worth. It’s really hard for me to get over someone especially if I get super attached to that person. In this case, I had been with the dude for like 2 months and I guess thought that maybe he was “the one”. Well that wasn’t the case when I found out he had been cheating on me the entire time. At least it inspired dozens and dozens of poems. Lol.

You make me feel like shit

and it’s breaking me bit by bit

I don’t know what to do 

Knowing you love someone new

I feel so helpless

I’ve become such a big mess

and now seeing you and her

I see now that I was just another girl