Aqui esta la version en espanol de este poema:
Poesía: Parar de Amarte
One day the memory of you will fade away
and my heart will be grateful for that-
because I can’t move on to a new love story
until I stop dreaming of you
until I stop writing about you
It wouldn’t be fair to me or to him
to attempt to write a new love story
when remnants of the old one
still show up in my poetry
Aqui esta la version en Espanol:
Poesia: Quisiera Ser
let’s forget our past love stories
and focus on the one we’re living
the one we’re still writing
let’s agree that anyone before you,
anyone before me
were just practice for the honest and magical
love we’re experiencing
let’s focus on our present
and start planning our future
that’s waiting to be lived
that’s waiting to be written
Aqui esta version en Espanol:
Poesía: Bellos Sentimientos
you burned down my impenetrable wall
with your kisses, with your caresses
with your honesty, with your authenticity
and while I’m terrified that one day you’ll leave
I’m reminded every day you’re not temporary fantasy
by never feeding me bullshit promises
by never avoiding conflict
by never treating me like a princess
And by always inspiring me
and evolving along with me
Here’s the English version of this poem:
Poetry: Pathetic Games
la culpa es mía por confiar en ti,
la culpa es mía por casi acostarme contigo
entonces no debería sorprenderme que ahora
juegas con mis sentimientos
evadiendome un dia y llamandome al dia siguiente
y estoy harta y agotada de ser una víctima
de tu toxicidad
es mejor acabar con lo nuestro
y que empieces a olvidarme
porque es obvio que un niño como tú
nunca estará preparado para una reina como yo
In the beginning, it was just me and you –
and it was hard making sense of being a mom
the heavy weight of caring for another human
felt like it was going to crush me at times
and I tried my best with my lack of knowledge
with my lack of judgment
so your lullabies were the goo goo dolls and sugar ray
and your bedtime stories were stephen king and cosmo
the pediatrician did tell me to read to you-
at 17, I thought he meant anything
at 17, I was far from June Cleaver
and I felt so inept at times
and while other moms read parenting books
on how to become mommy dearest
I focused on school books to graduate from high school
so we’d have a fighting chance
so while you never had a typical mom
you still lucked out with a mom
who’ll always fill you up with love and strength
a mom who’ll always have your back
Here’s the English Version of this poem:
Poetry: No Clue
Fui una estúpida al pensar que tu serias algo diferente
alguien que se quedaría
pero repetí el mismo error
enamorarme de otro hombre confundido
enamorarme de potencial y cerrar los ojos a la realidad
esto me pasa por seguir creyendo en cuentos de hadas
donde el príncipe salva a la princesa
donde el príncipe se queda para siempre
y no se va cuando le da la gana
Here’s the English Version of this poem:
Poetry: On My Mind
me encierro en sueños y fantasías del pasado
porque mi presente está lleno de amargura y odio
sin saber cómo convertir la tragedia de mi vida
en una historia de victoria
por eso prefiero encerrarme en la nostalgia
de mi pasado romántica cuando todavía tenía esperanza
I wrote this poem in September of 2022.
I call to the waning moon for inspiration, for motivation
Some days it’s hard to keep going, to keep trying
I call to the waning moon to turn into Mama Killa
and bring me comfort and growth
Here’s the version in English:
Poetry: Letter to My Former Lover
Ahora veo que tu tenias razón en acabar nuestro cuento de amor
Ahora veo que tu adiós fue una bendición
y no es que porque te odio o porque te tengo rencor
no, al contrario te deseo lo mejor
te deseo que el universo te bendiga con felicidad y paz
entiendo ahora que lo de nosotros no podía continuar
por que tu nunca fuistes y nunca serías el hombre
que me ayudaría evolucionar
o que apreciara mi creatividad
o que pudiera luchar a mi lado cuando la realidad de la vida
se vuelve un huracán difícil de navegar
me hiciste un favor al irte para espacio para alguien
con la fortaleza y valor que tu nunca tuviste
Here’s the English Version of this poem:
Poetry: Lost Cause
Sinchi Warmi es mujer poderosa en quechua
Siempre soy una perdedora en el amor
y esto me agobiaba, me hacía sentir menos
pero después de investigar las razones
de mis rupturas amorosas
Descubrí que la culpa no era mía, ni de mis exes
ni del destino-
lo que pasa es una mujer poderosa y fuerte como yo
se va a demorar y demorar para encontrar a alguien
que me sepa apreciar y amar como la reina que soy
stuck between two divas-I was never meant to stand out
my older sister shouted cries of continued injustice
my younger sister just cried over any little thing
my parents tried their best to give us individual attention
but sometimes I got left behind between the shuffle
of my sisters’ hysterics
and while I hold no ill will towards my sisters or my parents
I wonder what my life would have been life
if I had been the first or last born
Here’s the English version of this poem:
Poetry: Not Just Lust
hay que tomarnos tiempo para conocernos
antes de brincar en otra tragedia de amor
hay que ver que encajamos de verdad
antes de profesar “te amos” y “te quieros”
y no apresurarnos en empezar algo
que algún día nos destruirá
here’s the English version of this poem:
Poetry: Hard
basta de tanto esperar ha alguien que me sepa apreciar
mami me dice que es porque no me dejo respetar
porque me dejo llevar por la pasión del momento sin pensar
y a lo mejor mami tiene la razón
debería de dejar de escuchar
a los deseos temporáneos de mi corazón
y empezarme a valorar
As far as what my future holds for me, I’ve been doing a lot of long term goal planning and manifestations the past few years and that’s been working for me. Here’s a recent blog post I wrote about it:
goal setting
The past 2 years was me trying to find out who I was and what I wanted out of life. I had this very vague idea, almost like a sketch but now I have a clear picture of what that is exactly. Getting out of survival mode was crucial for this development and I’m excited about the future. One thing I can tell you is that there will definitely be more storytelling. In fact, for the month of September, I’m telling my story chronologically with some of the moments in my life that most impacted me. This came about organically as I was planning blog content for that month and I said, “fuck it, let’s do this” and “let’s see what happens”. I think that so much of my healing happened because of my storytelling. It was important for me to retell my story because that’s how I took ownership of it. It helped turn me from a victim to heroine in my story and this has been monumental to my healing process. Of course, sometimes that looks crazy and messy but it only proves what a resilient and powerful Queen I am to still be standing despite the chaos and trauma I’ve been through. Here’s a poem I wrote in April about it:
Sharing my story
I’ve taken off my mask and stop repressing my true self-
And while it’s terrifying at time, I show the world my authenticity
and vulnerability
I share the parts of my story that are terrible, happy, sad, lovely, crazy, beautiful, and tragic
so others don’t feel alone and find solidarity
in my chaotic and bicultural story of love, rage, defeat, hate, and resilience
And bring to light my rich and vivid experience of the duality of being a rooted and rootless,
Peruvian and American, a hateful and kind woman living her life fearlessly and shamelessly
I restarted this blog a couple of summers ago as a way to cope with my mental breakdown and at the time I had only 17 followers and now I have more than 300 followers who have been incredibly supportive and encouraging throughout this self discovery journey. Thank you to all of you who have given me this safe space on the internet to share my story through blogging and poetry. This has been incredibly instrumental in helping me in my recovery from BPD . It’s given me a sense of love through community that I didn’t know could exist and I’m incredibly grateful and humbled by it. Anyways,if you’ve made it to the end of this blog post, you’re the best. I’m not sure what year 3 after my BPD diagnosis but I hope I continue to evolve and live a life with purpose for the betterment of myself and my kids.
Life on the BPD 