I fell into the trap of “acceptance” not understanding I was slowly losing parts of myself for the sake of fitting in, for the sake of other people who loved to judge me accept that you’re too fat to wear that bikini accept that you’re too old to chase your dreams accept that you’re too hard to love it took me too long to figure out the acceptance of others was costing me my sanity and my self worth and I said, “fuck your opinions on who I should be” from now on, I’ll wear whatever I want, I’ll chase my dreams, and I’ll always be worthy of love”
Lately i reach out to God and the stars to comfort me and reassure me Lately i embrace the universe and the sun for faith and warmth Lately I look in the mirror for the definition of strength and resilience Lately I write my love story filled with the wonders and horrors of love
sentandome en nuestra felicidad de recién casados, le doy las gracias a Dios por tanta felicidad vendrá muchos recuerdos que haremos de nuestra vida compartida criando a nuestros hijos desde bebitos a adolescentes angustiados discusiones triviales, responsabilidades, y facturas de la casa y un día le contaremos a nuestros nietos nuestro cuento de amor nos pelearemos de quien inició nuestra relación (fui yo) hoy dia, soy la mujer más feliz en el mundo en convirtiéndome en tu esposa
Why did you break our romantic ties? What did she have to make you leave me suddenly? Why do I keep repeating the same stupid story, of finding myself the woman used and scorned? I’m fucking exhausted with rage always making the same mistake over and over again giving all of my myself to another confused man who leaves me when I’m no longer easy
Gracias por hacerme saber que estaba con una desgraciado infeliz Gracias por quitar la venda de mis ojos que yo tenía pensando que él era solo mio Gracias por decirme que mi amorcito me llenaba de mentiras Y por ultimo gracias por quitarmelo de encima el nunca mereció alguien tan buena como yo
I wrote this poem in late 2005 thinking back on how I felt about my second pregnancy when I found out. It wasn’t an ideal situation at all because I was still in college and my relationship with my husband was on the rocks.
always
This can’t be happening to me! but rarely does it ever lie, that second pink line Just when I was on right track Again I am burdened for lying on my back What will I do? Who will I turn to? How do I tell them? Once again I am their biggest disappointment To just sit here and cry is just a waste of precious time I have no choice I have to get away from this awful noise This will become my personal hell Because of another persuasive male
From the ages of 18 to 23, I worked for a government agency as an interpreter. I was well-liked by many of my coworkers and my first supervisor was appreciative of me. I was very good at my job and even cross-trained in many other areas that didn’t “pertain to my job”. However, at that job, I was also bullied and discriminated against for being Latina. I was also slut-shamed by my second supervisor and coworkers the latter 2 years I was there. I don’t want to say I deserved being slut-shamed but I’ll just say that I trusted the wrong coworkers with my private life and they went on to gossip about me to everyone. It was also a very stressful environment because of the work I did and clients I had to interact with. My depression and anxiety went haywire. In 2003, I decided to enroll in my local community college and major in English. In 2004, I was trying to go to school full time, work full time, and deal with my child’s new autism diagnosis. I was breaking down mentally and something had to give so I quit this job. I was fucking done. And this poem was inspired by that moment. I thought I had processed this trauma until it came back up in therapy in the summer of 2021. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had suffered a deep racial trauma that impacted me and still triggered reactions in me. I was angry. There is actually way more to this story and one day I’ll share it when I’m ready.
So much anxiety and depression hidden behind that smile 😭
Life on the BPD 