Ivy

9/30/2023

Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

the ceilings of America are laced with poison ivy
every time I act out of the norm or forget to code switch
people tell me I’m too dramatic -ouch-
accused of being toxic and crazy-damn
and a rash of doubt takes over my mind
I’ll never fit it, no one will ever love or accept me
and I turn down who I am
but even that doesn’t work
it makes things worse
and I explode and project-
fuck you, you’re blocked
then I discover therapy -slowly I heal
accept the pieces of myself that will never fit in
exhibit myself in my most authentic form
and slowly the poison ivy becomes an ivy of love and growth
and I understand that to be happy
I need let go of normalcy
and embrace my unconventional and eccentric self

poetry: purgatory

I wrote this poem in September of 2023.

ai image of purgatory

in purgatory, I live
waiting for the finality of my longest chapter of love
to end
In purgatory, residual anger and resentment
Invades me-
and I turn into an emotional time bomb
Waiting to explode
In purgatory, I wait for my sentencing,
praying the judge sees things my way
and honors what is best for broken family

poetry: stain

I wrote this poem in June of 2022.

I’ll leave an emotional stain on your life that will be hard to get rid of
You’ll curse the day I was born
You’ll regret the day you ever meet me
because I demand respect, because I’ll never be your safe place
because I’ll say “no” to being relegated to the role of mistress
and you’ll accuse me of being crazy and narcissist
just because I wanted to be treated with dignity
just because I want to be seen as more than another girl to pass the time with

poetry: road to somewhere

I wrote this poem in June of 2022.

I learned my worth that summer

Got two hours of sleep last night
But I still woke up with excitement in my bones
Excited about a future without you
Excited that you’re really gone from my life
Because while I loved you and had many good times
You were never going to change, and neither was I
We were on the road to nowhere
And now that we’re forever apart
We’re on the road to somewhere
Somewhere that gives us space to grow
Somewhere without the pain and drama we caused each other
Somewhere that brings us the peace and love we need
to be authentic

poetry:dizzy

I wrote this poem in June of 2020.

most of the time, it was like that

He reached the depths of her soul
With his hands and his lips
She couldn’t get enough
of this new feeling
of this newfound intimacy

Then
He threw her to the depths
of misery and devastation
when he disposed of her
at his convenience

She never wanted
this hell of darkness
within her that seemed
Neverending

He was the best-
and
He was the worst –
At loving her
He inspired love
He inspired hate
and no matter what
She couldn’t get away
from him

poetry: tentacles

I wrote this poem in June of 2020.

for real

He knows how to reach me
in a way no one else can
his tentacles are embedded in me
and it’s hard to escape
I’ve tried and have succeeded
and felt a sense of freedom-
But then
His tentacles reach out
and grab me
it’s useless trying to free myself-
He’s got a spell over
My mind, my body and my soul
He rules it with lips and his hands
And his body–
And his tentacles are encrusted deep within me–
Will I ever be truly free?

poetry: not easy

I wrote this poem in May of 2023.

feeling like a Goddess in my favorite bikini

this didn’t come easily but I finally love myself to the moon and back
it was a hard process after so many years of self loathing
and drowning in my insecurities
I was my own worst enemy constantly focusing and scrutinizing
Every single one of my imperfections
Ugh, I’m too dumb or too fat or too old
Never did I see myself as a masterpiece of God’s making until this year
and now I’ve grown to love and accept every version of myself
because despite of all of my mistakes and flaws
I’m still worthy of all the love in the world

poetry: message

I wrote this poem in april of 2023.

me looking out at the sunset in Lima

a red bird appeared to me in a dream
it carried the spirit of an ancestor I had never known
he told me to not get too comfortable in my current life
while it’s been a good life and I keep thriving
and making my dreams come true
I have even more room for improvement
my purpose is bigger than I’ve ever dreamed of
and through my storytelling
I will not just heal myself but help others
find their own path in their hero’s journey

poetry: lies we tell ourselves

I wrote this poem in March of 2023.

the sexual tension between me and ghosting everyone is insane

we lie to ourselves continuously about our needs
to save face, to avoid conquering our fears
to not feel insecure
we’ll tell ourselves we are better off alone and independent
when in reality as humans
we are meant to be social
we are meant to share ourselves with others
but it’s cooler to say, “I’m good with my solitude,
I’m my own best friend”
because deep down inside we don’t want to get hurt again

From Overwhelmed to In Control:Techniques for Managing Everyday Stress

From Overwhelmed to In Control:
Techniques for Managing Everyday Stress by Julia Mitchell

Photo by Freepik

In today’s fast-paced world, stress has become an unwelcome companion for many of us, often creeping into our lives when we least expect it. Whether it stems from our professional responsibilities, personal relationships, or the myriad of challenges that daily life presents, understanding and managing stress is crucial for maintaining our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. This guide from Life on the BPD aims to shed light on the common stressors that pervade our lives, offering insights on how to identify them and practical strategies for handling these pressures effectively. 

Understand Your Stress

Carving out time for reflection is crucial for identifying the root causes of your stress. By setting aside moments each day or week to acknowledge instances when you felt overwhelmed, you can gain insights into what triggers your stress responses. This understanding is foundational, as it guides you toward effective stress management strategies. Reflecting on your experiences not only sheds light on the sources of your stress but also helps you recognize patterns and triggers, making it easier to address them moving forward.

Embrace Mindfulness

Mindfulness serves as a stabilizing force amidst the tumultuous waves of stress. Practices such as deep breathing exercises and meditation offer refuge by anchoring you in the present moment. This focus on the here and now acts as a buffer against the chaos of stress, providing a sense of calm and clarity. By integrating mindfulness into your daily routine, you can develop a resilient mindset that is better equipped to handle stress, ensuring that you remain centered and balanced even in challenging times.

Establish Boundaries for Stress Reduction

Setting clear boundaries is essential in safeguarding your mental health. By defining limits in work, relationships, and personal commitments, you can prevent stress from encroaching on your well-being. This practice helps in managing expectations and commitments, ensuring that your time and energy are spent on what truly matters. Establishing boundaries empowers you to navigate life with more ease and less stress, promoting a healthier and more balanced lifestyle.

Lean Into Physical Activity

Physical activity is a potent tool in the fight against stress. Engaging in exercises, whether it’s a brisk walk, yoga, or a session at the gym, can significantly relieve tension. The physical exertion releases endorphins, improving your mood and reducing stress. Regular physical activity not only benefits your physical health but also acts as a therapeutic release for emotional and psychological stress, contributing to overall well-being.

Explore Alternative Stress Relief Methods

Diverse approaches to stress management can offer fresh perspectives and solutions. Techniques such as yoga, acupuncture, and guided imagery provide unique pathways to relaxation and mental clarity. 

  • Yoga: Practicing yoga combines physical postures, breathing exercises, and meditation to reduce stress and enhance overall well-being. Yoga helps release tension in the body, while the meditative aspects can improve mental clarity and reduce anxiety.
  • Acupuncture: This ancient Chinese medicine technique involves inserting thin needles into specific points on the body to balance energy flow. It can help reduce stress by promoting relaxation, decreasing the body’s production of stress hormones, and improving sleep quality.
  • THCa (Tetrahydrocannabinolic Acid): THCa, a non-psychoactive precursor to THC found in available forms of THCa in raw cannabis, has been shown to have anti-inflammatory and neuroprotective effects. Its potential to reduce stress comes from its ability to modulate the body’s endocannabinoid system, which plays a key role in regulating mood and stress responses.
  • Ashwagandha: This herb, used in Ayurvedic medicine for centuries, is known for its adaptogenic properties, helping the body manage stress more effectively. Ashwagandha can lower cortisol levels, enhance brain function, and improve sleep patterns, making it a powerful tool for combating stress and anxiety.

Exploring these alternatives can uncover new methods to alleviate stress, catering to individual preferences and needs. By being open to different therapies, you can find the most effective and enjoyable ways to maintain your mental well-being, enhancing your ability to cope with stress.

The Importance of Social Support

Sharing your struggles with stress can be incredibly therapeutic. Opening up to trusted individuals creates a support network that can offer comfort and advice. This act of vulnerability can illuminate both the sources of your stress and potential solutions, making the burden easier to bear. The support of friends, family, or professionals not only provides emotional relief but also strengthens your resilience, making you better equipped to manage stress.

As we journey through the complexities of life, embracing a holistic approach to managing stress can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced existence. By identifying the sources of our stress and exploring both traditional and alternative methods for addressing them, we empower ourselves to navigate life’s ups and downs with grace and resilience. Remember, managing stress is not about eliminating challenges from our lives but about enhancing our ability to cope with them. With patience, practice, and persistence, we can transform our relationship with stress, turning our experiences into opportunities for growth and self-discovery. 

Join the journey at Life on the BPD, where trauma is turned into triumph. Dive deep into stories that resonate, learn from shared experiences, and become part of a community that embraces growth and healing. 

day four of patty: mortal

I wrote this poem in April of 2023.

it’s okay to make mistakes-it’s part of being human

I almost drowned in a whirlpool of shame today because I made a mistake
because I’m an imperfect human
but I breathe in deeply self compassion and grace
and accept this is a small blunder in my life
and it shouldn’t take up too much space in my mind
And I needed to be a friend to myself
Understand I won’t always be flawless-
Afterall I’m only mortal