This was my response to prompt #22: Something all people should know
Stop shaming your shadow self
trying to constantly shut it down
telling yourself it’s not a part of you
it’s been there since you were a child
acknowledge it, walk with it
Let it be seen, let it be heard
even if that sometimes looks crazy or weird
Let that bitch or asshole out
Otherwise it will consume you
I wrote this in December of 2021 when I got on a new form of hormonal birth control. It’s an understatement to say that it amped up the intensity of my emotions.
I’ve bled for more than 40 days and 40 nights
but my doctor says I need to grin and bear it
My hormones are in constant flux
I want to die, I want to scream
Is God punishing me for my past sins?
My mood swings are uncontrollable
No matter what I do, I can’t find the calm
Anger, rage, sadness, and despair
are my emotional staples
And within a span of 3 weeks
I write poetry at 3am, crash my car,
and breakup with my friend
When will this madness end?
My doctor says give it 6 more weeks
but my mind and body are losing it
over this 2 inch form of torture
Will the next 6 weeks get calmer?
or will I go down in infamy?
This was my response to prompt #25:A thing your life has in excess
I lie to myself about my lack of love
The truth is that love is everywhere to be found
My mom who calls to check in on me
My tia who sends me Buenos Días videos
My coworkers who put up with my many moods
My kids who tell me “I got you ma” when I can’t
figure out the latest household gadget
My friends who listen to me without judgment
Love is everywhere I am and it’s time for me
to radically accept it
Here is the English Version of this poem:
Poetry: How I Wish
Si los deseos si cumplierian
Hubiese deseado que fueras diferente
Alguien de confianza, alguien leal
Alguien que tenía ojos solo para mi
En cambio eras otro payaso
con su corona de mentiras
que mandó espinas a mi corazón
y me destruyó
Easy E,Tupac, and Dr.Dre calmed me down
when I was lost amidst a nervous breakdown
I couldn’t remember who the fuck I was
or where I came from
then I blasted some Gangsta Rap in my ear
and remembered who the fuck I was
I’m a Queen from the land of the Incas
raised in West L.A and Paradise
I’m made to withstand earthquakes and hurricanes
even when they come disguised as humans
that’s when I turned my grief into anger and rage
and knew I wouldn’t be “just okay”
I would make this my greatest comeback in my life story
This was in response to prompt #28: The person you’re always happy to see
My son is my light during my darkest of days
He’s a burst of an infectious kind of of good energy
Maybe it’s because he got the best of me
he was loved even before he was thought of
and when he was born
he was more and everything I dreamed of
he was a much sought out rainbow
after the worst of my storms
I wrote this in December of 2021.
Christmas sounds like Mariah Carey and Wham
competing to blast their christmas songs from my radio
or a Christmas Story playing on the tv
Christmas looks likes the crooked christmas tree
almost tipping over with an excessive amount of ornaments
and way too many gifts under the tree
christmas taste like mashed potatoes with ham
and alcoholic eggnog to swallow
uncomfortable conversations about politics
christmas smells like candles burning with scents
called christmas tree farm
christmas feels like happiness with everything in my life
and the warmth and magic of my little family
This was my response to prompt #20: Favorite winter traditions
There’s excitement buzzing around the Christmas tree this year
New couples will come up with new corny traditions
Toddlers and dogs will try their luck at tearing down the tree
Parents will try to sneak presents and give credit to that jolly old man
So many memories of love and togetherness are waiting to be made
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2021.
La navidad se escucha con los parchis
cantando navidad, navidad
navidad se ve como el árbol lleno de muchos adornos
coleccionados hace más de 30 años
el nacimiento cusqueño con las estatuas
de la virgen, josé y el bebe jesús cristo
que tienen más de 33 años
navidad se saborea con un polla peruano sazonado
con especies únicas
con un chocolate y panettone siempre en la mesa
navidad se siente con la felicidad pasando tiempo
con tus seres más queridos
que te llenan con amor y calor familiar
la navidad se huele en el perfume imari de Mami
La navidad siempre será una de las tradiciones
más bonitas e amorosas en mi familia
This was my response to prompt #30: The time of day you prefer
Sunday mornings make me jump out of bed
ready to seize the fuck out of the day
First my overpriced coffee while I blast out
music in my ears and tune the world out
Write, write, write whatever crazy thing
has been lingering in my mind
then I drive to the only place
where I can get fresh bread
I stand in a line full of the local hipsters
for my gluttonous must have
rush back home where I write
and plot more blog content for next month
will there be another playlist?
more angry poetry about an ex
who screwed me over?
or am I changing the narrative
and finally being honest about my recovery
Sunday mornings are always an opportunity
for my creativity to come out in full force
without judgment, without apologies
I wrote this poem in 2019 when I found out my friend Brad had lied to me for a decade about something pretty important.
17 years of friendship ruined
Because of one lie
One lie turned into a decade
Of lying to ME–
His supposed close friend
ME
A girl he supposedly loved and cared for
ME
The one he claimed meant a lot to him
But he couldn’t come clean
With his truth
He couldn’t man up and be honest
Instead he lied and lied and lied
Until
The lie came out 10 years too late
I’m overreacting, he says
But friendship like I know friendship
Is not built on a foundation of
Lies, betrayal, and mistrust
Fuck off,
Glad you’re gone,
Good riddance,
Hope you remember the words of anger
I wrote to you
And you keep your promise
To never contact me again.
This was my response to prompt #24: Your Top Priority
I build the life of my dreams through discipline and hard work
while I appreciate everything I have at this moment
even the minor annoyances
and especially the moments of calm and silence
I’m no longer relegating myself to a side character
or a side chick or a passenger in my life
I’m writer, the master, the driver of the life I’m creating
This was my response to prompt #29: One thing to do
Stop making excuses and take control over your life
no one has power over you-
stop allowing the opinions of other influence you
It’s time to stop with the bullshit and the false stories
Stop living in fear, stop living for others
this is your fucking life
the time is now to start living it authentically
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=5186
Al carajo el cuento tóxico de amor que siempre repito
rehusó a que me falten el respecto
por otro hombre que me llena de mentiras amorosas
porque no que estar solo y me quiere en su cama
paro de ser una curita temporanea
para otro hombre confundido
que me expulsa de su vida cuando paró de ser fácil
Desde AHORA cualquier hombre que quiere estar conmigo
tendrá que demostrar ser digno de mi energía
I wrote this in December 2021.
Believing in myself feels like an act of rebellion
after years of self loathing and self destruction
I finally feel enough and complete
Is this some kind of dream?
Do I really love myself?
Do I really accept myself?
Do I really care about myself?
I do and I do and I do
I’m ready to live out my truth
I’m complicated and complex
and not terrible or a hot mess
I’ve been forever misjudged
and thought I was too much
The reality of my authenticity
Brings out a new transparency
I was never too much or not enough
or even the hardest to love
I might be a complicated puzzle to solve
But I’m always, always, worthy of love
Life on the BPD 