I believe in God
because despite of all of my tragedies
despite all of my sadness and despair
despite all of the times I almost gave up
God found me with their faith, with their warmth
God filled me with a new confidence and
with love for myself
and with a sense of purpose I never had before
I wrote this poem in June of 2022.
The volcano that lived inside of me
is ready to erupt and about to ruin everything
my explosive anger cannot be reigned in
this intensity is a consequence of my BPD
and it will cause my lover to flee
the lava of me will make him wary
and once again, I’m left
in the desolate land of lonely
wishing away the volcano inside of me
How do you waste the most time every day?
Here is the English version of this poem:
Poetry: Our Beautiful Past
viendote de nuevo me hizo temblar
y me odie por que pense que ya te habia superado
pero el recuerdo vago de tus labios y tu retorno
enciende una quimica magica
que no se puede ignorar
I wrote this poem in June of 2022.
Feeling the fatigue of life makes me want lay down
in an endless sleep-
Some people call it suicidal ideation
I call it relief from grief-
But that’s when I use all of my coping skills
write sad poetry, or write a gratitude list
or just allow myself to feel everything
I’m trying to escape from
and constantly remind myself feelings like this
are always temporary
and tomorrow could bring new and exciting things to see
Here’s the English version of this poem:
Poetry: Wrong
me arrepiento, me arrepiento, me arrepiento
de la aventura que tuvimos anoche
fue un error, fue un error, fue un error
pero algo me dice que fue destino
descubrir de nuevo un amor alguna vez perdido
Here is the English Version of this poem:
Poetry: A World Full of Regrets
el conoce a su hijo por la primera vez
y encuentra un mundo lleno de arrepentimientos
se arrepiente por perderse sus primeros años
se arrepiente por no haber sido la valiente suficiente
para pelear por tenerlo en su vida
y el quiere ser mejor, quiere ser un padre para el
quiere mostrarle el amor que siente por el
Pero con los años perdidos el se siente que tiene
una deuda emocional que él no puede pagar
Here is the English Version of this poem:
Poetry: Reclaiming Myself
cuando me abandonaste la primera vez
quería acabar con mi vida,pensaba que no valía nada
y casi me tire del puente pero un susurro de fe me detuvo
y ahora vienes con disculpas y buenas intenciones
querias pagar las deudas de tu conciencia
pero querido, ya es demasiado tarde
esta vez no me vas a convencer
porque ahora soy un mujer valiente y astuta
que nunca más creerá en tu palabras bonitas y falsas
que ya no es un cordera apta para que tu las mates
I wrote this poem in June of 2022.
Do I sabotage every love dream
because I’m insane and have BPD?
Or is it the men I pick who easily give up on me
when they can’t save me
Maybe I’ll put this love thing on hold for a while
to enjoy my newfound tranquility-
to focus on my emotional stability
because every time I try to love someone
I end up fucking things up
And it’s not fair to me or them
to make them love an emotional and reckless trainwreck
who never knows when she’s gonna break
Consorting with this newfound empowerment is overwhelming and lonely at times
I finally understand that never again do I have to depend on a man for anything-
and I breathe a huge sigh of relief
I no longer use them to determine my worth based on whether any of them
pay attention to me
I no longer use them for validation and no longer make myself small
for their ego
I now determined my own self worth and this is the moment I’ve been waiting for
since the age of 15
What notable things happened today?
I wrote this poem in June of 2022.
Could you spare me some validation and affection,
so I can feel like a real person?
I thrive on the love and attention of lovers
I don’t know how to feel whole or enough by myself
And admitting it is so embarrassing
But wait, don’t go…
Fuck it! I’m done with this life of dishonesty
here comes my brutal truth-sorry if it bothers you
but I’m done reigning it in for the comfort of others
I’m clingy and melodramatic with emotional warts and all
and even though my truth scares off everybody
At least now I’m free to embrace and love the real me
Here’s the English version of this poem:
Poetry: Early Excitement
me pierdo de nuevo en besos y caricias
y encuentro la fe y esperanza
en este nuevo cuento de amor
que ojalá sea el ultimo que me toca vivir
Spring, I hope you bring creativity and love
I hope you bring a brand new season of a healthy and calm me
I hope you bring to the forefront my beauty within
I hope you bring a happiness unknown to me
I hope you bring a new sense of serenity
I wrote this poem in June of 2022.
I warn potential lovers about me
about how crazy I can be
about how I fall in love easily
but they never seem to listen
and fill me up with adoration
and don’t proceed with caution
Instead I’m placed on a pedestal
Where they professed their love
That’s when I feel the pressure
of being everything they want
So they think I’m really the one
and their love will last long
but eventually I break down
in my emotions I start to drown
They’ll say, I thought you were healed
You’re so damn crazy
They see me as an atrocity
And once again I’m tragically crushed
By another temporary and fickle love
Who can’t handle me at my worst
Life on the BPD 