poesía: adios

here’s the English version of this poem:

Poetry: Uncaring

prefiero un adiós honesto y con dignidad
que la farsa que estamos viviendo
prefiero terminar este cuento de dolor
donde tú finges ser mi principe azul
y yo finjo ser la princesa que tu tienes que salvar
lo único que estamos haciendo es evitar lo inevitable
admitir que lo de nosotros no va a ningun lado
Admitir nuestra incompatibilidad
y convertir nuestro cuento de amor
en un cuento de amistad

poetry: this poem could be about any of my exes

I wrote this poem in December of 2022.

I’m the hottest and the craziest…lol

It wasn’t that I wouldn’t have done the work-
I loved you more than enough to change, to accommodate
to make compromises, to share my vulnerability with you
but you weren’t ready to match my efforts
and love only grows when two people are ready to evolve

poetry: running out of time

aqui esta la version de este poema en espanol:

Poesia: Cansada

you’re running out of time to give me a place in your life-
and I’m running out of patience and love to keep waiting
Were your promises lies to keep me by your side?
were your words falsehoods to keep your place as my savior,
my hero who loves to save me from myself?
a hero who’s really a coward- too scared to make a commitment
as my permanent lover

poetry: bet

I wrote this poem in December of 2022.

I never mind being called the “crazy ex”

I bet now months go by and he never thinks of me-
maybe he does when he sees a crazy bitch on his feed
he’ll remember me for a moment
and think “damn, I dodged a bullet”
and then he’ll scroll on to something else
that’s way more interesting

poesia: querida

here’s the english version of this poem:

poetry: Counterfeit

de amiga a mi peor enemiga-
Fuiste una lección de confianza destruida
una oveja blanca fingiendo ser mi amiga
cuando en realidad eras una culebra disfrazada
quizás fue tu envidia o inseguridades
que te hicieron traicionarme
Hablando pestes de mi con nuestra colegas
exagerando mis aventuras amorosos
para hacerte ver como una santa en comparación
¿Te dio satisfacción destruir mi reputación?
y 20 años después te desenmascare
y todos sabrán la verdad, mi querida Merissa
con este poema, llego tu Karma y mi venganza

poetry: you’re so sensitive

I wrote this poem in December of 2022.

poor kid-she deserved better

I grew up too quickly in some areas and remained a child in others –
it’s a truth that I hate to admit
it wasn’t my parents’ fault
they did the best with what they had –
an extra sensitive child with medical issues
it was too much for them to handle
when they were trying their best to keep their own heads above water
there was no extra time for the extra needs and demands I had
and while middle age holds space to have compassion for them
I still need to reparent my inner child
who comes out in the most inoportune of time
and has caused terrible havoc and harmed others
but it’s not her fault or mine
It happens sometimes, and now I’m taking the time
to nurture her so she can finally grow up

poetry: I’m a fucking delight

I wrote this poem in December of 2022.

I’m okay…just let me turn my pain into art

I try my best to take delight in my life and enjoy everything good
but fuck it, if I have to be honest with myself-
sometimes the depression gets the best of me
and I drink and write sad and pathetic things
about how I want to cut my wrists and watch the blood leave my body
maybe I’m just embracing the cliche of being a tortured artist
or my darkness needs a place to fucking go-
at least I’m now acknowledging it instead of suppressing it-
and I almost spiral into a cycle of self loathing
but instead say “fuck it- this is who I fucking am sometimes”-
An emo girl caught up in her trauma and hormones-
Wait-how did this poem turn into–
Oh yeah-the prompt delight
well whatever this is its the best drunk and depressed me has to give
to my creativity tonight

Sharing my story

Me at open mic last month

What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?

I’ve taken off my mask and stop repressing my true self-
And while it’s terrifying at times, I show the world my authenticity
and vulnerability
I share the parts of my story that are terrible, happy, sad, lovely, crazy, beautiful, and tragic
so others don’t feel alone and find solidarity
in my chaotic and bicultural story of love, rage, defeat, hate, and resilience
And bring to light my rich and vivid experience of the duality of being a rooted and rootless,
Peruvian and American, a hateful and kind woman living her life fearlessly and shamelessly

4/24/23