Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: just one day

I wrote this poem in June of 2023.

me against my inner critic

today I’m being too hard on myself
always thinking about how I’m not doing enough
about how I’m not hustling enough
how there are still days when my anxiety
gets the best of me
I’ve tried my hardest to quell my inner critic
but it still visits me when I don’t have enough sleep
or when my inner winter is about to hit
and it points out all of my insecurities
and I try to hack my brain into being confident again
but all I can do is feel disgust and shame
as a new cycle of insanity hits
And if it’s bad enough I cry
or it kicks me in the gut and makes me sick
and my body says enough is enough
that’s when I finally listen to it-
rest, recharge, understand this is just one day
and not my whole life

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry:dizzy

I wrote this poem in June of 2020.

most of the time, it was like that

He reached the depths of her soul
With his hands and his lips
She couldn’t get enough
of this new feeling
of this newfound intimacy

Then
He threw her to the depths
of misery and devastation
when he disposed of her
at his convenience

She never wanted
this hell of darkness
within her that seemed
Neverending

He was the best-
and
He was the worst –
At loving her
He inspired love
He inspired hate
and no matter what
She couldn’t get away
from him

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: tentacles

I wrote this poem in June of 2020.

for real

He knows how to reach me
in a way no one else can
his tentacles are embedded in me
and it’s hard to escape
I’ve tried and have succeeded
and felt a sense of freedom-
But then
His tentacles reach out
and grab me
it’s useless trying to free myself-
He’s got a spell over
My mind, my body and my soul
He rules it with lips and his hands
And his body–
And his tentacles are encrusted deep within me–
Will I ever be truly free?

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

poetry: Children pay attention

I wrote this poem in June of 2023.

me and my boys-one of the major reasons I’m determined to be the strongest and most empowered woman in their lives

Our children pay attention to the stories we tell ourselves
I noticed when my son’s heart broke for the first time
and it awakened a deep catharsis within me
I would no longer hold onto my victim story
the one where I tell myself,
“I’m worthless, I’m not good enough, I’m unlovable”
Instead I’ll walk with confidence and all of the self love
I can muster up for myself
maybe just maybe if I can model this type of healthy behavior
the cycle of generational self loathing and self destruction
will finally be broken
And my children has a chance of living a life
filled with more joy and contentment
than mental illness

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: war

I wrote this poem in June of 2020.

it took awhile for me to get the message

She wants to get away
but her heart won’t let her

She wants to stop loving him
but everything in her
refuses to do so

She doesn’t want to miss him
but her body aches for him

He inspires a war within herself
and just when she thinks she’s won
the war and they are done-finite-over
He comes back to her with a 2 word text
and she lets him back in

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: killing the romantic

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

I cry a lot but I’m productive, it’s an art-Taylor Swift

I finally killed the romantic in me
and I feel free and so happy
because me and love are a toxic and explosive combo
that makes me a terrible, crazy and delusional soul
because love always brings out the worst in
and right now, I need peace, I need calm
I need to find stability within
and I’ll never have that as long as I try to hold on to
the romantic in me
Goodbye to love
You never made me feel like I was enough

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: not easy

I wrote this poem in May of 2023.

feeling like a Goddess in my favorite bikini

this didn’t come easily but I finally love myself to the moon and back
it was a hard process after so many years of self loathing
and drowning in my insecurities
I was my own worst enemy constantly focusing and scrutinizing
Every single one of my imperfections
Ugh, I’m too dumb or too fat or too old
Never did I see myself as a masterpiece of God’s making until this year
and now I’ve grown to love and accept every version of myself
because despite of all of my mistakes and flaws
I’m still worthy of all the love in the world

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: emotional stability

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

my superpower

These are the ingredients for emotional stability:
Stay away from love at all costs
Get enough sleep
Write, write, write
Exercise 3 times a week
Stay away from love at all costs
Meditate and practice mindfulness
Read, read, read
Spend time with my kids
Call my parents
Stay away from love at all costs
Masturbate
Listen to music to match my mood
Go to therapy
Cut down on alcohol
Stay away from love at all costs

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: brave bitch

I wrote this poem in May of 2023.

brave bitches take selfies in their bikinis

after everything was done and dusted,
all that was left were the memories of the woman I had been-
I used to hate her, absolutely loathe her
viewing her as weak and worthless
for allowing the painful words of others
to rob her of her confidence and power
but now I see how brave she was
trying to fight her demons in her mind
Day in and day out, no matter what
always getting up to function
she gathered her strength from somewhere
to become the version of me I am today

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: sweet and sour

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

I’m a woman of many talents

The sweetness of life has me on a euphoric high
where everything and everyone is wonderful
where nothing or noone can bring me down
And I feel like a goddess, a bad bitch, a Queen
I live for moments like this where happiness is my best friend
But then the sourness of life happens
and I’m brought down to a hell of depression and despair
Where I hate everything and everyone
Where everything weighs me down
and I’m losing my mind
And I feel worthless, crazy and like a selfish bitch

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: the old patty died a while ago

I wrote this poem in May of 2023.

“I wanna live life from a new perspective” -Panic! At the Disco

old trauma wounds swim up to the surface
Triggered by a thoughtless comment
a dismissive action
and I speak up this time instead of holding it in
But I’m ignored
as if my hurt feelings mean nothing
But this time, instead of letting it go
and going with the flow
I reciprocate the same dismissive energy
because the version of me
Who’d allow herself to be run over
just to be accepted no longer exists

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: aura

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

the color of my aura

My aura is a bright orange red
it means I’m passionate, it means I get angry easily
it means I have the most intense energy
and while I joke how my soul is black
my aura tells a different story
It tells a story of a woman who loves hard
who’s an emotional mess at times
Who fosters a unique strength and resilience to go on
Who’s a fucking Goddess

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: hold me

I wrote this poem in May of 2023.

“found the puzzle piece and feel completed”-Joji

hold me until I forget about how this story usually ends
With me having a meltdown and crying
and you leaving cause you can’t handle it
Hold me until I find enough courage to trust you
to be vulnerable and soft with you
Hold me until you make me believe in love again

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: hopeless

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

unapologetic mutha fucka

I want to scream, I want to cry
I want to throw myself off the precipice of some cliff
but faith whispers to me
“You will not always feel like this”
and slowly I begin to piece myself back together
and It’s hard at first because I don’t know where to start
Because so much in me is shattered and scattered
But somehow I know that faith is by my side
and hope will quickly follow
and I won’t always feel so lonely, so hopeless

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: fire of anxiety

I wrote this poem in May of 2023.

“One day I’ll be falling without caution”- Conan Gray

in front of our fireplace we remember who we once were
the unhealed and unhealthy versions of ourselves who met
And threw caution to the wind and fell in love
Built our own sanctuary of intimacy
only to give in to our insecurity and fears
and sabotage it all years later and tear it all down
and while we’ve said
It needs to be left in the past
it’s not who we are anymore
We both live with the hidden fear
One or both of us will break again
And brings a war of words
back to our newly constructed universe of love