Poetry: Small

I wrote this in 2007 when I transferred to a 4 year University. It was a rough experience.

me with my friends in 2007

I feel small in this enormous and elitist world
it doesn’t seem like I will ever fit
It only seems like a perfect fit
for my younger, blonder, whiter,
and younger counterparts
Older, hispanic, and poor is not acceptable here.
Should I even try ?
When I’m destined for failure on this institution’s steps
Failure on the steps is what I feel here-
a place where my browner, poorer self
feels like an outcast, an undesirable- by the eyes of prejudice

PoesΓ­a: Un Amor Liberal

Here is the English version of this poem:

Poetry: A Liberal Kind of Love

Besitos en la mejilla y
tomΓ‘ndonos de las manos
son cosas del pasado

Cuerpos calientes cubiertos de sudor cojiendo
con una nota de adiΓ³s en la maΓ±ana
es ahora nuestro modo de ser

Respecto, sinceridad, y confianza
son palabras olvidadas

Decepcion, desilucion, y egoΓ­smo
Ahora son nuestra palabras sagradas

Poetry:Traitor

AquΓ­ esta la versiΓ³n en EspaΓ±ol:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/08/08/poesia-desgraciado-2/


Perhaps I’m crazy,

Perhaps I’m dramatic 

But I must say

You’re a traitor

for what you did to me

Causing me so much  heartbreak

and misery

Pretending to β€œlove me”

Behind your β€œnice guy” disguise

was really an asshole

who lured me with sweet lies

into a web of treachery

and infidelity

PoesΓ­a: Injusto

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/26/poetry-unfair/

Me siento
molesta, enojada, frustrada
cuando pienso en ti

Estoy
deprimida, miserable, desilusionada
desde que me abandonaste

Mientras tu estas
Feliz, reluciente, brillante
eres un idiota miserable

Es injusto
que el destino me lleve a alguien
que me darΓ­a un dolor tan profundo

Poetry: Waiting

This another poem inspired about the great breakup of 2001. I probably wrote this when it first happened. My sense of reality is shook up after a break up and it feels like a never ending nightmare that I’ll never wake up from after it happens. This doesn’t happen with every break up…just the ones that really affect me.

Waiting 

So I wait for the phone to ring
To hear you say
this loneliness has all been a horrible dream
So I wait for you to show up at my door
To tell me you can’t stand being away from me no more
So I wait for your love letter in my mailbox
To begin getting back together

Flash Fiction: Once Again

I wrote this in 2004 and revised it recently. It’s not based on anything from real life.

hard truth

They’re driving back from the theater. All evening he’s been quiet and she wonders what is going on. She reaches for his hand but he won’t give it to her. She tries to look into his eyes and he looks away.She can feel him cold and distant. She no longer recognizes what is supposed to be β€œthem”. With tears in her eyes, she says, β€œTell me what’s wrong.”

β€œNothing.” he says as he’s still evading her eyes.

β€œDo you still love me?” she asks with a quivering voice. 

β€œI’m sorry.I’m in love with someone else. It’s nothing you did. These things happen, I hope–

β€œSTOP!” she yells. She’s barely holding it together at this point. 

β€œI’m really sorry, I just want to-”

β€œSTOP! I’m done with this. Stop the car.” she screams at him. 

β€œYou’re being crazy, at least let me-”

β€œNO. I want nothing from you! Stop the car NOW!”

β€œYou need to calm — he stops mid sentence as he sees her taking off her seat belt and unlocking the door. He stops the car. He says, β€œI just want–” 

β€œFuck what you want” she says as she gets out of the car.

β€œBut I-”

β€œThere is nothing left to say”. She tells him. She walks away while she cries and laughs.She whispers to herself  β€œfuck.once again”.  

Poetry: Risen

I wrote this in 2006.

some cravings are never satisfied

Rising from a deep sleep
That had become our marital bed
Passion woke up
In a sudden caress
Of your rough hands
On my soft bare back
Your eyes shone on me again
With that long lost stare
Desire
Our long lost friend
Is back
To reclaim us
From our endlessly deep and dreamless sleep