I wrote a version of this poem in 2005. It was about my frustration with the relationship I was in at the time.
Drown in passion
I’m hanging on to my last thread of sanity trying to accommodate to our new reality I know monotony happens even in the best relationships but this feels like the death of our love Where did your yearning for me go? You used to worship me and call me Godly now I can barely get you to look at me and when I say anything, you call me crazy so I’m going to swallow my words and pretend I’m okay with this charade of love
no fuck you and your pedantic machismo- oh and PWM =privileged white male
I light a candle, put on music, and pay tribute to all that I will never be- it’s not like I’m denying myself possibilities or opportunities I’m just acknowledging certain realities I’ll never have the proper words, the necessary pretentious words of the upper class pedigree to be published in one of those prestigious journals or win a pulitzer prize I’ll never be seen as an equal in American because I’ll always be a foreigner and while this brings me a certain kind of grief I also celebrate how different I am I’ll never filter my words or fake eloquence or elegance to make myself digestible to those with multiple degrees Nah, I’m a mosaic masterpiece, with my bad grammar, my simple vocabulary and my powerful and emotionally charged phrases I’m not and never will be for those with sensitive ears or palettes and I’ll always take pride in that
esa segunda raya rosada fue el Karma llegando cobrando su deuda porque yo reze que mis enemigos de enfermen con COVID y ahora moribunda en mi cama con una fiebre alta le prometo al universo que será más cauta en mis palabras y no dejaré que mi ira me controle
An attraction that’s kind of close to me and would love to visit is the Scott & Zelda Fitzgerald Museum and I’d love to stay at the Zelda Airnb suite. It is rather pricey at $165 a night and I’d like to go there for a week and write and go to the museum among other attractions in Montgomery that Zelda and F.Scott went to and were inspired by. I’m hoping that I could also write the entire week. I’d drink champagne for lunch and read while taking long and luxurious baths every day. Maybe by that time, my blood pressure will be completely under control and I can eat my chili cheese fritos,tacos and partake in the southern comfort food that Montgomery has to offer. The reason I’d like to go there is because for a while I was obsessed with F.Scott Fitzgerald and his wife Zelda. I’ve read most of his books and short stories. My favorite book of his is “This Side of Paradise” which ended up inspiring a few of my poems I wrote in 2019 as well as a couple of short stories. I think that maybe I’ve read “The Great Gatsby” three times. I hope to make this little dream of mine come true within the next two years.
so I actually wrote this poem in December of 2022 after I got sick with COVID. This poem was actually inspired by the 2005 poem, “Here we again”- I was editing it to post it on instagram and something about it screamed turn into a poem about your ailment and this is what I ended with. God, my mind was extra crazy with COVID brain. lol.
Another unexpected surprise confirmed with the second pink line Is this Karma coming for me? for wishing this on my enemies this puts a pause on my life for a few days and I lay in bed in a fever haze soon I lose my sense of smell and taste I’m humbled and make a promise to the universe I’ll be more careful with my words and stop giving into my rancor
Cry in front of me and show me your vulnerable side I won’t run away or shame you for sharing your pain I understand what it’s like to be left alone when you start to drown in your emotions and you reach for someone and that person turns you away I will never be that callous when I say you can be safe with me, I really mean it
we were another lesson in love lost and mourned I tried everything to make it work even where it was past our expiration date I never wanted our children to be products of a broken home but even my best efforts could not fight how different we were or our long term story of incompatibility it wasn’t your fault or mine we were just both too stubborn to see what was in front of us a friendship that should’ve stayed platonic but you fell in deep for me and I was tired wanted to settle and we made it work until one day I realized it wasn’t enough
so I was named for my mom’s sister Patty. My aunt Patty was also the rebel and the baby in the family. My mom named me after her because I had another aunt who wanted me to have her name and my mom hated being pressured about it. So she was pregnant and feeling petty and named me after my aunt Patty. Growing up I was intimidated by her because she was the beauty bombshell and I was this awkward and shy kid growing up. Maybe she’s who I channeled when I pose in my pictures, lol. Anyways, like me she’s also divorced and has three boys of her own. We also both go by Patty rather than our formal name cause Idk Patricia feels like it belongs to some old stuffy Irish nun. Anyways, unlike me, my Aunt Patty is a fabulous cook while I can hardly make rice. Her ceviche will make you cry not only because it’s spicy but because it’s super delicious. As far as the etymology of the name which is such a boring thing to investigate, here’s a link to it:https://www.etymonline.com/word/Patricia
my aunt Patty in the late 80s vs middle age me in 2023
that time I cut my bangs cause I was anxious about seeing my crush…lol…thank God for my beanie
My heart betrayed me last night it was on the same page that I need to put any hope of love on hold Until I’m free of my marital ties- Until I’m no longer suffering of any residual trauma from my last failed romantic relationship but in one night, my heart betrayed my mind And it felt euphoria and everything that comes with meeting the potential of love And while my mind tries to reign in my feelings My heart says “sorry, we’re already in too deep”
cuando me preguntan acerca de mi primer amor siempre pensaré en el aquel muchacho alto con los ojos marrones profundos fue el primero que me trato con respecto y como una princesa Nuestro cuento de amor fue casi como una película de disney fue algo mágico y bello pero algo tan bonito no puede sobrevivir en este mundo cruel lleno de realidades que se tienen que enfrentar aunque nos amábamos con una pasión hecho de fuego no fue suficiente y nuestra llama de amor se apago y nos fuimos por caminos diferentes el hizo su vida y yo la mía pero aunque han pasado más de 25 años cuando me pregunten que fue mi primer amor siempre pensaré en el
When I think of a good leader, I think of the good bosses I’ve been lucky to have. In my opinion, a good leader treats their workers with respect, is compassionate while also holding their subordinates accountable for their errors. A good leader also challenges and encourages their subordinates to evolve and improve. An example of a good leader is my gen-z boss at Kroger who’s always been kind and respectful to me and who has gone out of his way to accommodate to my scheduling needs when my life got crazy. He also gave and my other coworker a $100 gift card for Christmas. At 23, he’s more mature and way better than some of the bosses I’ve had who were way older. It makes me want to always work hard at Kroger. An example of shitty leader is Joe Biden. IMO, my genz boss would make a far better president than Joe Biden.
my drunk face at bad bunny dance party in January 2023
a drunk driver hits an ambulance- and there is outcry, an uproar over the craziness of it all we all judge and hate the drunk driver without compassion without looking in the mirror, without acknowledging how most of us have made alcohol a staple, a must need for celebration- a must have for everyone no matter what social class you’re in
cuando las lágrimas quieren salir busco mi cuaderno y empiezo a escribir dejo que mi pequeña bestia de creatividad llena la pagina con todo lo que sofoco y suprimo llena la pagina con el desmadre y las pendejadas que ocupan espacio en mi mente y escribo, escribo, escribo hasta que encuentro claridad hasta qué puedo respirar
I wrote these three poems in November of 2022 when I was still married. One thing I wanted to mention about the first poem is that even though my ex no longer serves me breakfast, he’s still super reliable. For example, my car decided to kiss another car this morning (car accident) and he was the first one I called to help as I was overwhelmed. Granted, we still live in the same house but he didn’t have to come and still came. I’m glad we are still able to be friends despite the fact that we’re divorced. I think that when it comes to love, familial and friendship love is the best kind of love there is out there for me.
my car was trying to kiss another car…
Bloganuary writing prompt
Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?
Life on the BPD 