poetry: purpose

I wrote this poem in January of 2024.

that cabinet also brings purpose to my life- it holds almost all of my stories

Open mics, family, karaoke nights, dance parties,
Tarot readings, poems written on sticky notes,
Epiphany after epiphany about how I have always been worthy,
Long conversation about life in coffee shops,
Trips to my dad’s hometown, sharing silly verses with friends
making dumb videos, coffee cups that say main character energy
dancing in car while I drive, taking picture of the moon
and everything else that brings me joy,
and every single experienced Ive lived,
every single person I’ve loved
is what my life’s purpose is about
It’s joy,hate, love, anger, empathy, envy
it all brings purpose to my wretched everyday
existence

poesΓ­a: al otro lado

here’s the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=11733

nos dejo de la noche a la manana
volo al otro lado
para encontrarse con su amado
dejΓ‘ndonos con un duelo inmenso
no hay lΓ‘grimas o palabras
para ablandar nuestro dolor
y ahora nos volvemos
en montaΓ±as de remordimientos
hasta que aceptamos
que el paso el tiempo serΓ‘ nuestro
mejor amigo para sanar
de su gran ausencia

poetry: the other side

this poem is an updated version from the 2006 poem, “she flew”

ai generated image of funeral

she’s gone to the other side
leaving us in a state of mourning
no tears, no words soften the emotional blow
can’t take back how we took her for granted
and now anger, regret, and remorse
becomes who we are
until we accept the passage of time
is our biggest ally in healing from her absence

poetry: shadows

I wrote this poem in January of 2024.

true story

Shadows of past sorrows came to visit me tonight
they were triggered by that Taylor swift song on vinyl
I poured myself some Hennessy to cope
made a toast to what could have beens
as tears fall on my paper trying to understand
the journey is sometimes shitty and full of nails
I had to step to get here
on the other side of madness and chaotic living
Living life intentionally and no longer just for the moment

poetry: bridging the gaps

I wrote this poem in January of 2024.

manifesting that one day my book will be here

In bridging the gaps of my story that have remained unresolved
every story, every poem leads to pieces of healing and closure
I’ve been desperately search for since I can remember
Whatever my child self , my teenage self couldn’t voice back then
My middle age self brings to the surface
and while at times it’s difficult and terrifying
it’s needed in the process of healing and evolving

poesΓ­a: amor a la primera vista

here’s the English version of this poem:

congelada en su familiaridad
atrapada en la traiciΓ³n lenta de su cuerpo
aburrimiento y soledad le abrazaban
como un amante
se ahoga en su sollozos y olvidada
por casi todos sus seres queridos
su mundo estancado en silencio
hasta que lo vio
con ojos chinitos y azules como ella
y piel arrugada como las sabanas
de amantes
era una visiΓ³n horrorosa
pero para sus ojos cansados de ella
era una explosion de alegrΓ­a
su ΓΊltima adoraciΓ³n
su ΓΊltimo suspiro de vida
ella acababa con su aroma de pureza
el comenzaba con el olor viejo de experiencia

poesΓ­a: luz

EscribΓ­ este poema en enero de 2024.

quizΓ‘s algΓΊn dΓ­a

trato de bajar la luz en mis ojos cuando estoy contigo
y no muestro todo lo que siento por ti
no te quiero asustar, no quiero que te vayas de mi vida
Entonces juego mi rol de ser tu amiga
fingiendo inocencia y intenciones puras
cuando conversamos de todo y nada de la vida

poesΓ­a: utopia

here’s the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=11706

llΓ©vame a recorrido de tu utopΓ­a
del cual tu siempre hablas
el sitio donde no hay trastornos
Mentales
donde todos nos quedamos dormidos
sin la necesidad de tranquilizantes
el cual a todos se le tratan con respeto
y son celebrados por ser diferentes
y no son marginados
o insultados

poetry: utopia

this poem is inspired by the 2006, “let’s go to your store”

utopia according to AI

take me on a tour of your utopia
the one you always talk about
the one where mental illness doesn’t exist
and we all go to sleep without the need
of meds and sleepytime tea
the one where everyone is respected
and being different is celebrated
and not used as fodder for insults or war

poetry: are you?

I wrote this poem in January of 2024.

are you ?

you donate to endless non profits, sit on boards of organizations
that want to bridge communities together,
you volunteer at the soup kitchen or as a mentor
for underprivileged at risk kids
you share your stories of trauma
and you do all of this telling yourself
I want to help others
I want to be a healing light
this cesspool of a world desperately needs
and despite dozens of explanations
I’ll ask you
are you doing it to help others
or are you doing it to fuel your ego?
are you doing out of the purest of intentions
to make a difference
or to make yourself feel better
about your mediocre first world privilege existence?

poesΓ­a: mΓ‘rmol

here’s the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=11693

no hay diferencia entre ella y mΓ‘rmol
sus manos y pies quedan quietos
y ella hace los gestos apropiados
aunque nada tiene sentido
en este momento
lleva un volcΓ‘n de ira guardado
dentro de ella
mientras hablaban sobre tonterΓ­as
y ella lleva una sonrisa falsa
en su cara

poetry: spam bot

I wrote this poem in January of 2024.

feeling like a spam bot

Reddit wants to make sure I’m real and not a spam bot
and even I ask myself this today
as I feel completely numb
as I feel like my emotions are turned off
And I’m a new kind of mellow
the kind of mellow that’s a zombie
functioning and existing with a stoic demeanor
feeling completely detached from who I truly am
over medicated and toned down
to barely subtle static and white noise
Is this what it’s like to be normal?

poetry: distress

this poem was inspired by the 2006 poem, “the horsefly stood on her shrug”.

blankness spills across her pretty face
no distinction between her and the marble
her hands and feet are still
watches herself say the right words
and make the appropriate gestures
nothing makes sense in this moment
rage burns inside of her
she smiles and nods politely
as they talk about the weather

poetry: downpour

I wrote this poem in January of 2024.

I’m insane, what can I say

the downpour from this morning made me uber emotional
driving through a flood, trying to not lose control of my car
and with God by my side and Olivia Rodrigo on the radio I made it to work
the downpour didn’t stop
and my coworker mentioned it was an upside world when the morning
looks like evening
and the dreadful weather triggered the on switch to my depression
and out pours the thoughts about grief and death
the downpour of my emotions started and nothing could stop it

poesΓ­a: lacie

here’s the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=11683

las salas de chat de aol sirven su propΓ³sito
para la atenciΓ³n que le falta en su hogar
lentamente lacie se vuelve una adicta a validaciΓ³n
con su combinaciΓ³n de pobre autoestima
y locura
ella nunca se ha sentido suficiente
usa su belleza y cuerpo para sentirse completa
nadie la para y la cuida
y ella tiene un de citas con extraΓ±os
en sus asientos traseros
con solo 16, ella se siente poderosa
disfruta del placer y atenciΓ³n temporaneo
despuΓ©s de la escuela y los fines de semana
sus amigas cubren por
nunca piensa en las consecuencias
siempre dejΓ‘ndose llevar por el momento