man sets himself on fire for gaza woman murdered just for existing babies starved to death for being born Palestinian young adult dies at dorm of the local university collective grief rattles our communities don’t know what to make of so much loss happening within a matter of days all we can do is hold on to each other as senseless madness and violence takes place all we can do is tell our stories build our sanctuaries within each other remind ourselves of our warmth, our humanity when the world is heavy with cruelty and toxicity
el cielo se cayó sobre mí aquella noche cuando me destruiste con una llamada y por muchas semanas llore echada sobre el piso hasta quedarme dormida por muchas semanas deseaba desaparecer en un abismo del olvido y 10 años despues todavia pienso en aquella mañana fatal donde perdí la poca inocencia que todavía tenía
before I knew who I was I used to be oh so charming to men always agreeing with them, mirroring their interests, stroking their egos and other things and giving them easy access to me I never used much discernment in this my standard were 3000 leagues under the sea So I allowed any mediocre joe who showed me the least bit of attention into my universe and I allowed this to happen for 26 years making myself fodder for these mediocre and insecure joes who left the minute I show then a bit of the fire I held within and everytime they left, I was destroyed and like a tarot’s fool I keep repeating this nonsense until a few years ago, I had enough when the last of the joes said I was too much for him and it was the final straw that broke my romantic girl spirit for a while I was touch and go with my sanity but I rose and rose like the Peruvian diosa I had always been and in horror I realized laying in bed with mediocrity only damaged me, it was time to change this narrative and slowly I recovered from the latest love tragedy and starting writing my own love story one where alone I’m enough and the protagonist and never again have to tone down who I am or hide the fire and magic that resides in me
the sky fell on me on that tuesday morning when you ended me with a 5 minute phone call for weeks I cried on the carpet until I fell asleep for weeks I wanted to fade away into an abyss of nothingness and even though it’s been almost decade I still think about that Tuesday morning the morning I lost the small piece of innocence I had left
ni siquiera ha sido un año y hay un mar entre los dos el deseo y la pasión que alguna vez compartimos se fue y caímos en un olvido de obligaciones y rutina
I still watch our video, we were so cute together (sends pic of us naked in bed) your pussy is fire I’ll wait for you until you change your mind I guess loving you is a crime these are the things said to me by the men I send to block island exes and lovers who continuously disrespected me and never could listen to my no or respect my boundaries when we tried to be friends one of them I had to threaten to expose with the story Of how I broke his dick the rest made me feel a deep sense of guilt and covered me with toxic shame for letting them near me and I yell at that sick version of myself asking her “What the fuck girl, what was wrong with you” she responds, “I was mentally ill and impulsive,lol” and I try to find forgiveness for all of us trying to not victimize or villainize but the fire of anger rises up and I hate them and me for ever exchanging energies with them the only lesson learn in this is be careful, be wary of the nice guys the guys who talk a big game about respect and still make you an object of their obsession they’re the ones most likely to break you apart
on sundays I give myself permission to live inside my head where I build a world I can freely imagine and play in where only a select few I let in on sundays, I jump timelines from the 90s to last year to my present writing about past experiences that still linger in my mind on sundays I give myself permission to be a complete hermit with only my playlist, my pen, and my paper to keep me company
Copy and paste, copy and paste, copy and paste Partners, unhealthy love patterns, delusions of love it happens over and over again And I try my best to change this narrative and sometimes it seems to work but most of the time it was me denying what’s in front of me A man who treats me like his inferior Allowing him to step on my boundaries trying to keep myself small enough so he doesn’t leave and I’ve lost count of how many times this has happened to me And I’m fucking tired of it So I put a pause on love for a while Until I can figure out how to produce healthy love energy And ensure I don’t settle again for anyone who treats me less than the majestic and magical queen that I am
Asustada, frustrada, y estancada me ahogo en un mar de desolación y thanatos susurra en mi oído, “ven conmigo y todo tu dolor se esfumara” y la tentación de seguirlo es grande estoy harta de vivir en un mundo tan terrible, tan malvado, tan lleno de inhumanidad
a wolf in sheep’s clothing got to me he pretended to be my friend with endless compliments and fake empathy Until one day I found out who he really was a liar ,a psychopath and I called him out and blocked him from my universe when he said he didn’t do no wrong when he said, he just liked his “privacy” and offered no apologies after a decade long lie which added to my trust issues but at least it opened my eyes enough to kick him out of my life and while I still make poetry out of him (he gave me too much material to ignore) I’m grateful he’s out of my life life is too short for entitled Brads, Chads,and Kens who think that just because of their privilege they can get away with ANYTHING
muchos tomaron muchas apuestas de cuánto tiempo durarán con una generación de edades entre ellos y las gran diferencias de culturas todos dudaban en su cuento de amor pero, ellos funcionaron por más de una década y criaron a tres hombres por casi dos décadas y aunque un dia su incompatibilidad les alcanzó y ellos tuvieron que poner un fin a su cuento de amor lo reconstruyeron con las base de amor que ellos alguna vez compartieron y en el mejor interés de sus hijos y evolucionaron a cuento saludable de amistad donde todo su resentimiento y ira fue enterado y no hay animosidad entre ellos sobre el pasado donde ellos se apoyan y por fin son los padres que sus hijos se merecen
bomb of rage detonated and set off the angry woman takes over I watch as she villainizes, demonizes She can’t be stopped She burns bridges and laughs about it I hate her, I wish she didn’t exist she’s my shadow, my anger who’s built to protect me to grant me power when I feel powerless she’s a part of me who can’t be suppressed or ignored I learn to love her, give her attention she craves and in due time introspection and therapy happens and she’s finally integrated into me and she becomes my super power Me and her we’re a force of nature not to be fucked with
many took bets on how long they’d last between the age gap, the difference in cultures they didn’t stand a chance yet, they kind of made it work for more than a decade yet, they still raised three fine young men for almost 20 years and while their incompatibility caught up to them and they had to end their love story they rebuilt it on the foundation of the love they once shared and in the best interest of their children and evolved into a healthy story of friendship where any resentment and anger has been buried and there are no hard feelings over past grievances where they support one another and are finally the parents their children always deserved
era otra noche aburrida en el trabajo estaba atrapada en la isla diez entre alma naciendo productos y mis pensamientos intrusivos una canción de los 90s suena de la altavoz y cuando voy a cantar escucho pasos detrás de mí me volteo y él está allí mi cliente favorito, 5’10, cabello negro y crespo labios carnosos y rojos, y un cuerpo hecho por un dios griego estaba mirando las ollas y sartenes me volteó al revés para que el no me vea y mientras amanecía los tupperware le echaba miradas furtivas esperaba que él no se daría cuenta de mi porque estaba hecha toda un desmadre para coquetear y mi corazoncito muerto resucitó y empezó a volar mi imaginación con fantasías de nuestro primer beso y justo alli el se me acercó y pensé, “hay dios mio” claro que me pregunto por una olla que no teniamos le dije que “no” y me disculpe el me contesto “no paso nada” con su voz quebrada y rapido se fue y me pregunte, “estoy alucinando pero se me hace que el también esta atraido a mi”
love ties me up and binds with a rope of shame slowly I fade away until I’m nothing I don’t recognize who I am Friends tell me I’ve changed I tell them they’re crazy messages appear in dreams I’m living a fake life who am i? who am i? who am i?
Life on the BPD 