Posted on by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

Poetry: Last Day of 40

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

me on the last day of 40

Last day of 40 and it feels like the longest year of my life
My 4th decade started with the miracle of what I thought was true love
But nope-it was another story of disillusionment and loss
growth and progress became the theme in my 40th year
I beat a 15 year driving phobia and made art from heartbreak and trauma
and I’m no longer scared to live my truth out loud
with my family, friends, and my online community
I also learned I was enough and complete by myself
and never needed someone to validate my existence
And as year 40 closes,I’m amazed by my creativity and resilience
and how time and time again I turn my trauma and grief
into the ultimate comeback story
For year 41,I hope to continue to thrive with calm and tranquility
and enjoy the magic I found within

Posted on by pattytacuri

Poesía: Rabia

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/04/poetry-i-wish/

estoy cansada de tragarme las opiniones de otra personas
que piensan que ellos me conocen a mi mejor de que yo me conozco
Asentir de acuerdo que ellos saben lo que en mejor para mi
pero cuando me defiendo
me acusan de ser otra Latina ardiente y furiosa
entonces sigo tragándome su palabras hirientes e ignorantas
que me hacen sentir pequeña y como una estúpida
mientras me quemo adentro con una rabia grande e intensa

Posted on by pattytacuri · 6 Comments

Poetry: A Knock on My Door

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

this kid makes my dark days worth living

When darkness comes in and my sadness sets in
it covers me and I can’t see the point of it all
And then I hear a knock and it’s my son
And I remember, today he’s my life’s purpose
I need to get up and face another dreadful day
My child needs food and shelter
I can’t let my depression win
I’m a mother first
My darkness will have to be martyred
Remembering over and over again
on days like today my child’s presence
makes my bad days worth living

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

Poetry: Existing

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

Existing was this never ending sorrow
Existing was a “what the point of it all” status
Existing was a horrible and exhausting nightmare
I couldn’t want to wake up from
But now..
Existing is welcoming the excitement of the morning sun
Existing is looking forward to my next chapter
Existing is a hopeful and lovely dream
I’m currently living in

Posted on by pattytacuri · 4 Comments

Poetry: Scenes of Dissociation

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

share your story

I fantasize about death after my boyfriend’s rejection
I’m so out of touch with reality, a car stops inches away from me
the driver honks at me and cusses me out
I am 15

I want to throw myself of the bridge on the way
to confirm I’m my parent’s worst failure
but a kick inside me saves me
I am 17

I want my baby to stop crying, my head is starting to spin
with psychosis and I hold him a little too tight
until my husband takes him from away me
I am 30

I’m crying while spewing nonsense
while my lover looks at me in horror and disgust
I know it’s over
I am 40

Posted on by pattytacuri

Poesía: Valiente y Fuerte

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/06/poetry-miserable-memories/

regrese al mundo que me causo trauma en mi infancia
bastante a cambiado, bastante sigue igual
recuerdos de dolor, miseria, y pobreza regresaron
a mi mente
la niña miedosa y ansiosa que era me visita
pero esta vez , la llevó de la mano
y le digo, ahora eres una mujer valiente y fuerte
y las personas que te hicieron daño
nunca más lo harán, las personas que te traumaron
ahora son parte de tu pasado

Posted on by pattytacuri

Poesía: Mi Futuro Contigo

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/25/poetry-looking-forward/

sentandome en nuestra felicidad de recién casados,
le doy las gracias a Dios por tanta felicidad
vendrá muchos recuerdos que haremos de nuestra vida compartida
criando a nuestros hijos desde bebitos a adolescentes angustiados
discusiones triviales, responsabilidades, y facturas de la casa
y un día le contaremos a nuestros nietos nuestro cuento de amor
nos pelearemos de quien inició nuestra relación (fui yo)
hoy dia, soy la mujer más feliz en el mundo
en convirtiéndome en tu esposa

Posted on by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

Poetry: Temporary Cure

I wrote this on Valentine’s Day of 2022.

me on Valentine’s Day of 2022

I fucked many recklessly without a purpose
some part of me was looking for love
it was a temporary cure when I wanted to avoid emptiness
it was a temporary cure for my painful loneliness
so I used the the magic of my body
to feel like somebody, like I was worthy
But one day I got tired of how it wasn’t enough
and found my worth and self love
I mean, sure it was fun but I’m done, done and done
I forgive the person I once was who mistook lust for love
I didn’t know any better and settled for prince charmings
when I really needed a king to match my love energy
A king who accepts all of me and not just her body
A king who wants to evolve and grow with me

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

Poesia: Hielo

Here is the English version of the poem that inspired this one:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/21/poetry-thanks-to-you/

el hielo de tu despedida me destruyo
eras otra leccion que aprendi, otro hombre que me quemo
Y después de 4 años quieres pedir disculpas
disminuyendo todo lo que pasó
como si fuera un accidente menor
como si no me arruinaste la vida
como si no me trataste como basura
Querido, es demasiado tarde para tus remordimientos
dile a tu conciencia que se calle
solita, me encargue del desmadre que dejaste
Y nosotros hemos sobrevivido sin it
Entonces, vete, vete, vete
Nunca más regreses aquí

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

Poetry: Sleep Evades Me

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

me around the time I wrote this poem

I wish for sleep to take me away to a dreamless land
but I’ll take unpleasant dreams about ghosts from my past
just so my body can get a full night’s rest
But sleep evades me,it runs away from me
like a lover who lures me with a taste of love
only to abandon me on a whim
and I try and try and try to shut down my mind
but tonight an emotional triggers hit me and trauma visits me
My body and mind remembers the adrenaline rush
of emotional and physical wounds and it scares sleep off
I wonder what to do next and get angry at my traitorous body
but I remember-trauma is complex and while most of it has been processed
There are still remnants that come out to be seen, to be addressed
And I end up here with the nightmare of insomnia that won’t let me rest
And while it’s scary I remember it’s also temporary
eventually my body has to give in and I’ll fall asleep

Posted on by pattytacuri

Poetry: Borrowed Time

How does death change your perspective?

word press prompt of the day
Masking be like
Acting until I make it

lately I feel like I’m on borrowed time-

lately I feel like I’m not doing enough 

and  lately this fucks me up

so I over work, over exercise,

and over post

to make myself worthy of my existence

I want to make sure I’m leaving 

some kind of imprint, some kind of legacy 

behind that I’m remembered by

but it’s really me trying to please 

the inner critic in me

who comes out when I’m most vulnerable

in my grief

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

Poetry: Duality

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

feral and without a filter

I’m constantly shunned from men who profess their love
when I show up feral and without a filter
They’ll call me their princess until I show them my wild
They always love me beautiful and submissive
and they leave when I get assertive and subversive
They feel deceived when they fall for a polite princess
And somehow end up with an amazon Queen
Maybe it’s the Incan in me who can’t reign it in
They say, “you’re too much, you’re too crazy”
Is there a man out there who can handle my duality?