cupid gets it wrong once again- bringing out a drawn out rejection for a month- This time he tells me, “You’re cool enough to make out with but not good enough for my mom” I almost throw my phone across the room instead I say “it’s cool.it’s okay” and take a pen to my rage on paper
este poema lo escribí en el 2004 acerca de John. estaba bien amarga.
Alguna vez pensé que tú podrías ser el hombre para mi Pero eso se dio a perder El día que tú me dijiste Que no soy y nunca sería Alguien especial para ti Y llore y llore y llore ¿Por qué no me quisiste? ¿Por qué no me diste una oportunidad? Para que puedas probar mi amor incondicional pero ya no hay marcha atrás Algún día te arrepentirás Porque aunque tu desprecio Me causó una gran desilusión y no sabía qué hacer con tanto dolor Tú hiciste lo mejor para mi Porque gracias a ti aprendí a sobrevivir
my aunt treated us like we were inferior and subhuman constantly pointing out our flaws with subtle sarcasm putting pressure on my mom to choose her over us insulting my father or sister what about us made her project her insecurities Was it my dad’s intelligence or my sister’s beauty? or maybe she really hated my mom for having everything she didn’t have a loving and doting husband and all healthy children What made us a target for my aunt’s abuse?
The scared and anxious little girl and the insecure and clingy woman tug at me- I try to avoid them and lock them up in a box, but it never happens that way They refuse to go away when a trigger of trauma visits me And once again, I am lost in the alter ego I made up to protect myself the one who shows up in confidence and screams through her poetry but if I want to reach integration I need to allow the little girl and the insecure woman space to reside within me and honor them with powerful words of praise because they, too, were part of my strength and resilience through the many traumas It may feel painful at times-but for me to get to become a whole person and reach emotional maturity – I need to walk hand in hand with the ones who made me the powerful and confident woman I currently am
no se quien soy-esa es mi verdad todos tienen sus opiniones acerca de quién soy o quien debo ser Madres, hija, trabajadora, estudiante, hermana y novia son los papeles asignaron a mi- pero me siento una impostora, una fracasada en todos esos roles y sin saber quien soy debajo de las capas de estas identidades forzadas sobre mi persona- quien soy, quien soy, quien soy
Running away from my feelings, running away from my thoughts I will my legs to keep going as they start to groan and threaten to turn to mush the autumn sun shines on me and this should lift my spirits but the gloom stay within as I run, run, run Running away from my feelings, running away from my thoughts I still hate everything-especially myself Thinking of all my wrongs and how I’m doomed to a life of solitary confinement Will I ever fix what’s wrong with me? and then I see it-a deer a few yards away from me 3 second glances are exchanged it runs across the road away from me- and something shifts in me hope is awakened with a reminder of nature’s splendor it puts everything in perspective I am but a speck in the universe a creation of GOD It’s a waste to focus on past regrets and could’ve beens I need to seize the moment of what is and what could be- and I run on to the next chapter of my life
Perdida en frustracion y desesperacion, no se que voy a hacer- Por fin, estaba tomando pasos para un futuro mejor pero de nuevo me encuentro con otro obstáculo por mi culpa porque qué diablos no mire bien antes de salir en la calle y en un santo amén perdi mi independencia
“This is your time” the moon goddess whispers to me in a dream she puts her hand on my shoulder and a jolt of magic spread throughout my body I stumble and almost fall- but catch myself in time to stand up-and feel my power rise within I am invincible, I am empowered, I am ready to fulfill my potential and claim my success
Quiero lo mejor para ti-porque te lo mereces, porque tu no pediste ser parte de este mundo pero la sigo regando con mis decisiones impulsivas con mis estupideces y no se como voy a salir de esta última atrocidad cometida que afectará el futuro de los dos