Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: small town

I wrote this poem in June of 2023.

me with my emotionally supportive squad who helped me fill out my divorce paperwork- Shoutout to Meg, who took tacos for payment as she filled out most of it and gave me advice…

you’re my small town I’ve outgrown but am afraid to leave
no one seems to understand this
they’re concerned you’re holding me back
they’re concerned staying with you stiffens my dreams
and while I know they want what’s best for me
and I agree with most of what they say
How do I explain to them, it’s more complicated
than I’ve made it out to be
while you are hard to live with
life without you feels almost empty
and while it’s the right thing to do to end our marriage
so we can move forward as a family
it’s still hard to imagine a beginning without you

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: ego

I wrote this poem in June of 2023.

truth

you love me anxious,insecure, and a hot mess
and love to add fuel to my insecurities and fears
to keep me with you, to control me
and I try and try to break out of this toxic codependency
tied up in a box of good intentions
with your excuse that you know what’s best for me
when it’s holding me back from realizing my potential
from becoming the most powerful version of myself
it makes me wonder
did you ever really love me
or did you choose me on purpose to build up your ego?

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: victory

I wrote this poem in June of 2023.

me and my boobs against the world

everything annoys me today
playing nice with my OCD coworkers
my kids wanting to spend time with me
when all I want to do is sleep
and let’s not forget
my friend bringing up my karmic relationship
Ugh-will this day ever end
so I hold on to the small victories
like how my boobs look great in my dress
how the curvature of my cleavage is masterpiece
worthy of poetry
and maybe it’s just vanity, but damn
on a hot day full of stupidity
it’s the one victory I’m giving to myself today

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: just one day

I wrote this poem in June of 2023.

me against my inner critic

today I’m being too hard on myself
always thinking about how I’m not doing enough
about how I’m not hustling enough
how there are still days when my anxiety
gets the best of me
I’ve tried my hardest to quell my inner critic
but it still visits me when I don’t have enough sleep
or when my inner winter is about to hit
and it points out all of my insecurities
and I try to hack my brain into being confident again
but all I can do is feel disgust and shame
as a new cycle of insanity hits
And if it’s bad enough I cry
or it kicks me in the gut and makes me sick
and my body says enough is enough
that’s when I finally listen to it-
rest, recharge, understand this is just one day
and not my whole life

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: killing the romantic

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

I cry a lot but I’m productive, it’s an art-Taylor Swift

I finally killed the romantic in me
and I feel free and so happy
because me and love are a toxic and explosive combo
that makes me a terrible, crazy and delusional soul
because love always brings out the worst in
and right now, I need peace, I need calm
I need to find stability within
and I’ll never have that as long as I try to hold on to
the romantic in me
Goodbye to love
You never made me feel like I was enough

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: emotional stability

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

my superpower

These are the ingredients for emotional stability:
Stay away from love at all costs
Get enough sleep
Write, write, write
Exercise 3 times a week
Stay away from love at all costs
Meditate and practice mindfulness
Read, read, read
Spend time with my kids
Call my parents
Stay away from love at all costs
Masturbate
Listen to music to match my mood
Go to therapy
Cut down on alcohol
Stay away from love at all costs

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: brave bitch

I wrote this poem in May of 2023.

brave bitches take selfies in their bikinis

after everything was done and dusted,
all that was left were the memories of the woman I had been-
I used to hate her, absolutely loathe her
viewing her as weak and worthless
for allowing the painful words of others
to rob her of her confidence and power
but now I see how brave she was
trying to fight her demons in her mind
Day in and day out, no matter what
always getting up to function
she gathered her strength from somewhere
to become the version of me I am today

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: the old patty died a while ago

I wrote this poem in May of 2023.

“I wanna live life from a new perspective” -Panic! At the Disco

old trauma wounds swim up to the surface
Triggered by a thoughtless comment
a dismissive action
and I speak up this time instead of holding it in
But I’m ignored
as if my hurt feelings mean nothing
But this time, instead of letting it go
and going with the flow
I reciprocate the same dismissive energy
because the version of me
Who’d allow herself to be run over
just to be accepted no longer exists

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: aura

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

the color of my aura

My aura is a bright orange red
it means I’m passionate, it means I get angry easily
it means I have the most intense energy
and while I joke how my soul is black
my aura tells a different story
It tells a story of a woman who loves hard
who’s an emotional mess at times
Who fosters a unique strength and resilience to go on
Who’s a fucking Goddess

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: hold me

I wrote this poem in May of 2023.

“found the puzzle piece and feel completed”-Joji

hold me until I forget about how this story usually ends
With me having a meltdown and crying
and you leaving cause you can’t handle it
Hold me until I find enough courage to trust you
to be vulnerable and soft with you
Hold me until you make me believe in love again

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: hopeless

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

unapologetic mutha fucka

I want to scream, I want to cry
I want to throw myself off the precipice of some cliff
but faith whispers to me
“You will not always feel like this”
and slowly I begin to piece myself back together
and It’s hard at first because I don’t know where to start
Because so much in me is shattered and scattered
But somehow I know that faith is by my side
and hope will quickly follow
and I won’t always feel so lonely, so hopeless

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: fire of anxiety

I wrote this poem in May of 2023.

“One day I’ll be falling without caution”- Conan Gray

in front of our fireplace we remember who we once were
the unhealed and unhealthy versions of ourselves who met
And threw caution to the wind and fell in love
Built our own sanctuary of intimacy
only to give in to our insecurity and fears
and sabotage it all years later and tear it all down
and while we’ve said
It needs to be left in the past
it’s not who we are anymore
We both live with the hidden fear
One or both of us will break again
And brings a war of words
back to our newly constructed universe of love

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: at war with myself

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

Old insecurities come to visit me again,
they shake up my newly acquired confidence
they tell me I’m not smart enough and I’ll never be truly loved
They tell the only thing I have going for me is how sexy I can be
Otherwise I’m a waste of a person because of my bpd
And I try to shut it all down and not once again drown
Because I have made so much progress and have come so far
Only to once again fight an anxiety and depression war
but it’s daunting not to let the negativity get to me
So here I go once again trying to calm down my brain
from intense and intrusive thoughts by covering myself with self love

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: at least I didn’t rage quit today

I wrote this poem in May of 2023.

crazy but still cute

Can I blame the morning rain for making me crazy yesterday
it’s like I lost all of my emotional regulation skills
and I had to constantly struggle to reign my anger in
To not key my annoying coworker’s car
To not drive off somewhere and never come back
but HEY I still managed to get through the day
and not rage quit

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

poetry: she wolf

aqui esta versión en Español:

poesía: loba

I’m a lone brunette wolf in a world full of blonde sheep
my exes always preferred blondes over me
I never knew exactly why
perhaps blondes really do have more fun
perhaps blondes are easier to manipulate
this used to bother me greatly,
even robbed me of my sanity and sleep
but eventually I had a great epiphany
the one meant for me will not just love how sweet I can be
He’ll also love and encourage the savage in me
he’ll know how to ride the turbulent waves of my mood swings
I’m not sure if I’ll meet him soon or if he even exists
but after this grand epiphany
I no longer care about my exes and their blonde sheep
In fact, I wish them all the best fairytale ending