I wrote this in January of 2003. I’m honestly surprised that after so much disappointment in the dating world, I still had faith. I guess I was still a hopeless romantic at that point.
It’s so hard sometimes to be nice When you’ve cried so many times Over so many sorry ass guys When you are always done wrong You wonder what’s taking so long To find a warm hearted guy Who’ll give you the moon and the sky To find that special man that was written for you in the sand Sometimes you almost want to give up and just suck it up And say “I’m so through” With always being used But you have to have faith That one day you’ll find somebody great And all of these lonely nights Will finally have an end in sight
I wrote this in December of 2002. Towards the end of the year, I was depressed abotu dating and romance. I hated feeling like I was always just used for fun, objectified, and then discarded like trash. .
exactly
Now that I know That between us Can me nothing more Than a story of pure lust I feel so dumb And wonder once again If it’s possible to go numb From all of the jerks that are so damn lame You fucking jerks that don’t want to see past Me being a great piece of ass And I ask myself these questions What does it take for someone like me? To find someone that will make me happy To find someone who doesn’t use me just for fun But maybe it’s okay Maybe this is just my fate
I wrote this in 2002 about my former friend Brad. He was the type of “friend” that kept trying to sleep with him and I tried to have boundaries with him. I guess I should have seen the red flags then.
Growth begins by choosing yourself
My dear friend Why do you want to stay with me tonight? Is it because you’re lonely? Or is it because you’re sad? Or maybe you just crave the company of my warm body Sorry but I can’t allow it Because I’m selfish And want to keep memories of you pure and free of any sexual intimacy
I wrote this in 2019 when I was reflecting about the way men have often objectified in a way thatthey almost always seem to just want the fun and sexy part of me but seem to often have problems seeing the rest of me. I’ve almost always felt like I’ve been good enough to be their lover but never good enough to be introduced to their mother. Do I still feel this way? I honestly don’t know. I like the attention and validation I get from men because of my looks but sometimes it feels so hollow.
Often men want this girl…the ones that’s always down for a “good” timeBUT run away from this one….the other girl …the vulnerable one that has a realness hard to accept
I wrote this poem in December of 2002 cause well dating sucks and it’s still timely. Haha.
2002 was such a rough year for love
I hate playing this stupid game Called dating Trying to decide Which move to make So you can have him at checkmate It’s no longer about falling in love Or even real feelings But it’s about winning So if sit here wanting to hear hisvoice I don’t dare give in to this yearning To want to call him Because then they’ll almost be winning
Escribi este poema en Diciembre del 2002 porque estaba amarga y triste que los hombres siempre me tratan como un juguete.
Asi me siento a veces
Los hombres me miran y yo sé que ven Nada más que ese algo pasajero Que nunca de amor se atrevería hablar Pero ya me canse De la manera que me ven Porque yo soy más que un cuerpo en sus camas Porque yo tengo sentimientos Y quisiera algo verdadero a mi lado Porque ya no quiero ser Nada más que una de sus muchas amantes Porque algún día quisiera tener Un verdadera hombre Que me vea mas allá Que una de sus muchas faldas Y va a querer saber quien soy en realidad Para empezar a amarme!
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2002 acerca de todos los pinches canallas que me han roto el corazón.
un hombre muy sabio
Adiós es todo lo que se puede decir Cuando tu ser mas querido te hace sufrir Aguantarte el derrame de lágrimas Es lo que tienes que hacer Para que el vea Que eres una mujer fuerte Callarte los gritos dolorosos Y no le mirés a sus ojos Y sonreír por más doloroso que sea Para salvar alguna parte de tu dignidad Y para que el vea Que no logró su meta De hacer lo que quiera contigo Que para él no más fuiste un juego Y después cuando él se arrepiente De ser un desgraciado ser Tu le puedes decir por fin Nunca más te deseo cerca de mi
I wrote this in December of 2002 and it wasn’t inspired by any breakups, it might have been inspired by a movie I watched or a book I read.
it’s like that sometimes
I woke up one day To see that you had gone away All you left was a note You could no longer cope With our love mess You had tried your very best To be the man I wanted you to be The one who only cared for me You had only pretended to be true And now you say the time has come You’re sorry it took so damn long All that is left is goodbye You tell me to not even ask why You wish me the best in life One day I’ll make a great wife And with your signature you sign off I hope that someday you’ll find true love
I wrote this in December of 2002 after I had a one night stand with this dude I met in a bar and he didn’t tell me he was married. I found out a few days later when a coworker told me. I felt shame, guilt, and like a dirty whore for what happened even thought I knew that this time I was an unwilling homewrecker. It was rough.
deserved an award for biggest douchebag
This was a mistake I wish I could unmake I didn’t mean to kiss you And I didn’t mean for us to screw But the alcohol got to my head That somehow led me to your bed And now you have to understand Our destiny has been written in the sand You will never be the man I dream of Who will deserve the best of my love So now it’s about time for you to open your eyes What happened between you and I Was chemistry I could no longer deny So stop trying to interrupt my life And just go back to your wife
I wrote this about John in 2002 when he ghosted me. I really liked him so I was really sad. Feelings of worthlessness came up and it was hard to not feel so shitty.
exactly
Our love has ended I know There’s nothing more to say To make you stay We were too different, you said I guess I was just too damn naive To think someone like you Could fall in love with an ordinary girl like me
Today is National Getting Over It day and I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate it than by sharing my ANGRY AF playlist. A huge part for me getting over something tragic in my life is to get angry. And when I get angry, it’s almost like a volcano eruption. This is actually pretty healthy for me because I’ve felt that at times, anger has saved me from feeling all of my sadness at once which for me can get really overwhelming right away. I can even say that Anger has probably saved me from spiraling into an abyss of sadness that would be hard to crawl out of. In other words, anger has helped me survive whatever trauma has come my way. I used to be so ashamed of being angry because of how it would turn me into the most self absorbed and reactive person. I don’t feel that way anymore because I’ve learned how to better manage my anger. Instead of drinking or hooking with random dudes because I’m angry; I exercise or write while I listen to music. Most of the songs in this list are geared more towards someone going through a breakup because that is when my anger comes out the most. Thanks, BPD. Lol. In bold are my favorite songs from this list.
Lyrics from Olivia Rodrigo, Fall Out Boy, Matchbox Twenty, and Taking Back Sunday
For the Brokenhearted: I’m ANGRY AF Edition (the only where you scream out the lyrics):
FUCK YOU, GOODBYE-The Kid LAROI , Machine Gun Kelly
abcdefu-Gayle
SELFISH-The Kid LAROI
SAME ENERGY- The Kid Laroi
good 4 u-Olivia Rodrigo
Cute Without the “E” (Cut from the Team)-Taking Back Sunday
Sugar, We’re Going Down-Fall Out Boy
Tell that Mick He Just Made My List of Things To Do Today-Fall Out Boy
The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes-Fall Out Boy
traitor-Olivia Rodrigo
Better Than Revenge -Taylor Swift
Push-Matchbox Twenty
You Oughta Know-Alanis Morissette
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together-Taylor Swift
Stronger Than Me-Amy Winehouse
Priest-Julia Michaels
Sorry-Beyonce
Death by a Thousand Cuts-Taylor Swift
Closure-Taylor Swift
Look What You Made Me Do-Taylor Swift
Your Name Hurts-Hailee Steinfeld
Great Romances of the 20th Century-Taking Back Sunday
Lying Is The Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Her Clothes Off- Panic! At the Disco
BEST FOR ME-The Kid LAROI
I Bet You Think About Me-Taylor Swift
This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things-Taylor Swift
Head Club-Taking Back Sunday
Screaming Infidelities-Dashboard Confessional
Ignore Me-Betty
Sue Me-Sabrina Carpenter
Below are links to the playlist for your listening pleasure:
I wrote this in December of 2002. This was written about John before he ghosted me. If you can’t tell already, I have a tendency to idealize the men in my life.
it be like that sometimes
I haven’t felt this way in a while I just get high from talking to you You just drive me so damn wild
You just don’t know How you about kill me When you have to go
Now I couldn’t even imagine Living without your presence You are my most wonderful sin
And I will pray every night That my love you never try to fight
I wrote this about John in 2002 after he ghosted me after taking me to see his mom. His mother didn’t approve of me-an uneducated single mom. It was rough and of course I took it personally. So John fell off my pedestal and it was a long fall.
truth
Perhaps you feel too smart to let someone as ordinary as me into your heart Perhaps you think I’m not good enough to be deserving of your love Perhaps you are only sure I’m just good for pleasure Perhaps you wear a know it all smirk And believe I’m just like any other girl Perhaps you believe in your head I’m only good to warm up your bed But darling I’m sorry to say You won’t get your way Because I respect myself too much To let myself melt with your touch Because I am worth a lot more than any of your trophy whores Because I have an actual mind Without you I’ll be just fine But mostly because I would never fall For someone so extremely false
Escribí este poema en el 2002 acerca de Matt, el padre de mi hijo mayor. Estaba bien amarga y desilusionada con el de nuevo después de que el nos rechazo otra vez mas.
verdad
Un día veras Que no podrás mas Y te arrepentirás De día que decidiste olvidarte De ese niño y esa mujer Quien te pedía que te acuerdes Que duro sera Tendría que explicarle a él Que tu su padre nunca quisiste ser Y Un día pensaras Que error fue dejarlos atrás Y tus lágrimas saldrán Por no poder parar El odio y rencor que él sentirá Y Un día sera muy tarde Para querer ser su papa
Life on the BPD 