Flowers bloom with patience and care where there is sunlight and love Flowers remind me of relationships when relationships are not given the right environment or patience and love They die Iβm a failure at both-
complaints about the Barbie movie appear only from the privileged white men on my timeline and I shouldn’t be surprised even if those men call themselves allies or feminist it speaks volumes to me that they voice their opinion at all about it and decide to post their sexist bullshit and maybe this is coming from a middle-aged woman whoβs crazy but itβs hard to see that in this instance Why men canβt stay in the backseat and allow women to shine brightly without the patriarchy trying to dim their light
a text from an unknown number reminded me of my past when I was sick with a love addiction when I gave in to my impulsivity when I gave my energy freely to anyone who paid attention to me
me about to pop this balloon of my self limiting beliefs
As I let go of my self limiting beliefs, I grieve the woman I used to be so insecure and unsure of herself so hesitant to take control and power Overthinking and catastrophizing constantly it held me back from living the life of my dreams- Jealousy and envy filled me up Scrolling the professional and personal successes of others on social media Thinking, βthat could have been meβ and giving too much importance to the opinions of others wondering constantly- βare they judging me?β It was a toxic story I told myself since the age of 16 and it continued on and on until one day in my middle age I exploded and decided to fight my inner critic and challenge everything I thought was wrong with me slowly, I learned to turn my story around Slowly, I went from victim to heroine
we could have been friends but you ruined it by crossing my boundaries by showing your unhealthy attachment to me saying youβll wait for me to change my mind acting like Iβm a challenge to take on seeing me as an objection of your affection, a pretty girl to jack off to so I was left with no choice but to block you from my universe if you canβt respect my βnoβ and listen to me when Iβm assertive about it Iβm sorry itβs not me, itβs definitely you and you can no longer have access to me maybe upon a time I thought I needed you to validate me, to make me feel sexy but now I see you were just a temporary fix to give me confidence and when I saw how unhealthy this was I tried my best to be honest with you let it be known that I’m not here for any sexual or romantic energy but you didnβt take me seriously and now we canβt even be friends we are far better off as strangers
My lack of common sense left being me loyal to people who never deserved it..
Our story needed to end and today feels like the definitive ending Youβll never give me the consistency in love I need And Iβll never birth the baby you wanted Weβre too different, weβre too alike and I sarcastically and constantly ask myself βare we having fun yetβ Sometimes we did but most of the time I never understood where I stood So block me and , forget me Youβll never be enough for me and Iβll never be enough for you
The sweetness of life has me on a euphoric high where everything and everyone is wonderful where nothing or noone can bring me down And I feel like a goddess, a bad bitch, a Queen I live for moments like this where happiness is my best friend But then the sourness of life happens and Iβm brought down to a hell of depression and despair Where I hate everything and everyone Where everything weighs me down and Iβm losing my mind And I feel worthless, crazy and like a selfish bitch
With my last rock bottom, I learned many things I learned about the power of my strength and resilience I learned how to be truly alone I learned about self-love and how to feel enough And I learned how maybe love isnβt for me and all of these things were hard for me to learn But after my last rock bottom I came out a different person A person who understands herself better A person who stopped apologizing for who she is and is no longer afraid to be herself
Thorny long stemmed burgundy red roses remind me of how Iβm loved The beauty of the roses is how men admire me and fall for me the burgundy red reminds me of how my heart bleeds after they leave me and the sharp thorns stab my lungs as rejection and devastation sets in
Always has never been a friend of mine because of the many lies I associate with it Iβll always be here for you- Iβll always love you Iβll always be your friend so now I never believe people who say always Instead, I look at them with cynicism And tell them, βthatβs nice but I donβt believe youβ
His love is fire And I keep getting burned by it and even though his love burns me profoundly Every time I get too close I heal and vow to never see him again But once again, his fire enchants me, puts a spell on me And I return to his burning love Even when I know it means Iβll get burned once again Will my addiction to his burning love ever stop?
I don’t want him to be a part of me- And yet he appears in my mind, my dreams, my poetry He doesnβt deserve any amount of space he comes to occupy in my life And within me -and yet he comes and stays I tell him to go away Stay away, and forget about me- But it never happens that way He consumes every bit of me and itβs a lost cause to get him out out of me