not much of choice, get married or become a whore at 19, she was trapped between a sword and another sword either way sheโs trapped and kept away from the life she really wanted to live either way, her fate would be sealed with her ink of shame
Feeling hopeless in a cesspool of a world That will never accept you -for your skin color -for your accent -for your nationality -for your religion or lack of one -for your independent thought Anything that doesnโt fit the image of white and Christian is blasphemous To be an โotherโ is to carry the weight of racism, discrimination, xenophobia All the phobias on your already burdened shoulders So they try to kill us with actual guns Or metaphorical ones of insults,rejections or looks of disgust.
Iโm soldier of love too lost battles for me to count and recount how many times Iโve had to stitch my heart over and over again from the many knives past lovers have stabbed me with with the last one, I almost lost all hope for love It made me lose my sanity and almost gave me PTSD Still the romantic in me refused to die and resurfaced this year Told me, โthis time it will be different, this time you have self respect and youโll be choosy over whoโs worthy of your love energyโ
I give you the gift of my heart with everything in it so please be careful with it I donโt want it to be broken apart again if you decide to leave on a whim
scattered memories of you and I are tossed into the bonfire pictures, poems, and letters never sent burn and burn and I watch understanding this is our closure and our chapter is finally closed and I needed the bonfire and a final curtain call on an early February night to put us behind
this is a dangerous road Iโm traveling on smiling at your messages Creating a playlist inspired by you romanticizing every interaction we have liking every single one of your posts Wondering if youโre safe enough To get to know you beyond the walls of this simple friendship
my pleas for love fall on the deaf ears of the universe I scoff and get angry with her Wondering whatโs left to heal whatโs left for closure whatโs wrong with me that I need to fix in order to attract someone to love for the crazy, creative and complex woman that I am
the empty wineglass sits at the edge of the coffee table after Iโve written another poem about you it needs to be refilled so my mind gets tired of being inspired by the memory of you
Iโd never say I lost time with any of my love stories- they all taught me something about myself They all inspired me to write poetry and two of them help me create my three kings even if some of my love stories left me decimated and almost destroyed me they were all worthy for the love I felt the growth and progress I had
next valentineโs day I want to be calm especially if Iโm still alone I want my nervous system to be ultra regulated and not the mess it currently is
next valentineโs day I donโt want to entertain vengeful fantasies of getting my baseball bat to scare couples in the middle of their romantic dinner
Next valentineโs day I donโt to keep playing the role of bitter,jaded, and lonely bitch who allows herself to become a wreck at the mere mention of romantic love
Next valentineโs day Iโm rewriting the script of grief stricken lonely girl and will make it a day that will reflect on all of the love I have in my life
Iโm looking for the rhythm of a new heartbeat to fall in love with A heartbeat that goes with the flow of my intense intimacy A heartbeat who doesnโt call me angel or princess only calls me by my name a heartbeat whoโll fall in love with the real me and not the idea they have of me or the persona I play on social media A heartbeat who can handle my crazy and chaos A heartbeat who accepts and understands me and never tries to change me
Mason like the jar was his name being a fuckboy was his game He tried to act wise beyond his 23 years But he was still wet behind his ears He thought he could deceive me and lies and lies and lies he told me told me he lived with a roommate when it was really his soul mate He wanted his ice cream and cake but I saw through his con game And right away I stopped our lust filled affair My respect I needed to firmly declare