I wrote this in December of 2002. Towards the end of the year, I was depressed abotu dating and romance. I hated feeling like I was always just used for fun, objectified, and then discarded like trash. .
exactly
Now that I know That between us Can me nothing more Than a story of pure lust I feel so dumb And wonder once again If it’s possible to go numb From all of the jerks that are so damn lame You fucking jerks that don’t want to see past Me being a great piece of ass And I ask myself these questions What does it take for someone like me? To find someone that will make me happy To find someone who doesn’t use me just for fun But maybe it’s okay Maybe this is just my fate
I wrote this in 2019 when I was reflecting about the way men have often objectified in a way thatthey almost always seem to just want the fun and sexy part of me but seem to often have problems seeing the rest of me. I’ve almost always felt like I’ve been good enough to be their lover but never good enough to be introduced to their mother. Do I still feel this way? I honestly don’t know. I like the attention and validation I get from men because of my looks but sometimes it feels so hollow.
Often men want this girl…the ones that’s always down for a “good” timeBUT run away from this one….the other girl …the vulnerable one that has a realness hard to accept
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2002 acerca de John. Estaba tan decepcionada de el. Fue difícil dejarlo ir.
Pero fue lindo
Yo tenía la esperanza Que tu eras el hombre Que yo tanto esperaba Pero después de ver la fea manera que me trataste Ahora me doy cuenta En realidad los que tu piensas Que no mas fui Cualquier otra para ti No fui algo especial Nunca te iba a importar Y ahora me quedo sola Y estas lagrimas que se convierten en un mar
I wrote this poem in December of 2002 cause well dating sucks and it’s still timely. Haha.
2002 was such a rough year for love
I hate playing this stupid game Called dating Trying to decide Which move to make So you can have him at checkmate It’s no longer about falling in love Or even real feelings But it’s about winning So if sit here wanting to hear hisvoice I don’t dare give in to this yearning To want to call him Because then they’ll almost be winning
Escribi este poema en Diciembre del 2002 porque estaba amarga y triste que los hombres siempre me tratan como un juguete.
Asi me siento a veces
Los hombres me miran y yo sé que ven Nada más que ese algo pasajero Que nunca de amor se atrevería hablar Pero ya me canse De la manera que me ven Porque yo soy más que un cuerpo en sus camas Porque yo tengo sentimientos Y quisiera algo verdadero a mi lado Porque ya no quiero ser Nada más que una de sus muchas amantes Porque algún día quisiera tener Un verdadera hombre Que me vea mas allá Que una de sus muchas faldas Y va a querer saber quien soy en realidad Para empezar a amarme!
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2002 acerca de todos los pinches canallas que me han roto el corazón.
un hombre muy sabio
Adiós es todo lo que se puede decir Cuando tu ser mas querido te hace sufrir Aguantarte el derrame de lágrimas Es lo que tienes que hacer Para que el vea Que eres una mujer fuerte Callarte los gritos dolorosos Y no le mirés a sus ojos Y sonreír por más doloroso que sea Para salvar alguna parte de tu dignidad Y para que el vea Que no logró su meta De hacer lo que quiera contigo Que para él no más fuiste un juego Y después cuando él se arrepiente De ser un desgraciado ser Tu le puedes decir por fin Nunca más te deseo cerca de mi
I wrote this in December of 2002 and it wasn’t inspired by any breakups, it might have been inspired by a movie I watched or a book I read.
it’s like that sometimes
I woke up one day To see that you had gone away All you left was a note You could no longer cope With our love mess You had tried your very best To be the man I wanted you to be The one who only cared for me You had only pretended to be true And now you say the time has come You’re sorry it took so damn long All that is left is goodbye You tell me to not even ask why You wish me the best in life One day I’ll make a great wife And with your signature you sign off I hope that someday you’ll find true love
I wrote this in December of 2002 after I had a one night stand with this dude I met in a bar and he didn’t tell me he was married. I found out a few days later when a coworker told me. I felt shame, guilt, and like a dirty whore for what happened even thought I knew that this time I was an unwilling homewrecker. It was rough.
deserved an award for biggest douchebag
This was a mistake I wish I could unmake I didn’t mean to kiss you And I didn’t mean for us to screw But the alcohol got to my head That somehow led me to your bed And now you have to understand Our destiny has been written in the sand You will never be the man I dream of Who will deserve the best of my love So now it’s about time for you to open your eyes What happened between you and I Was chemistry I could no longer deny So stop trying to interrupt my life And just go back to your wife
I wrote this about John in 2002 when he ghosted me. I really liked him so I was really sad. Feelings of worthlessness came up and it was hard to not feel so shitty.
exactly
Our love has ended I know There’s nothing more to say To make you stay We were too different, you said I guess I was just too damn naive To think someone like you Could fall in love with an ordinary girl like me
Today is National Getting Over It day and I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate it than by sharing my ANGRY AF playlist. A huge part for me getting over something tragic in my life is to get angry. And when I get angry, it’s almost like a volcano eruption. This is actually pretty healthy for me because I’ve felt that at times, anger has saved me from feeling all of my sadness at once which for me can get really overwhelming right away. I can even say that Anger has probably saved me from spiraling into an abyss of sadness that would be hard to crawl out of. In other words, anger has helped me survive whatever trauma has come my way. I used to be so ashamed of being angry because of how it would turn me into the most self absorbed and reactive person. I don’t feel that way anymore because I’ve learned how to better manage my anger. Instead of drinking or hooking with random dudes because I’m angry; I exercise or write while I listen to music. Most of the songs in this list are geared more towards someone going through a breakup because that is when my anger comes out the most. Thanks, BPD. Lol. In bold are my favorite songs from this list.
Lyrics from Olivia Rodrigo, Fall Out Boy, Matchbox Twenty, and Taking Back Sunday
For the Brokenhearted: I’m ANGRY AF Edition (the only where you scream out the lyrics):
FUCK YOU, GOODBYE-The Kid LAROI , Machine Gun Kelly
abcdefu-Gayle
SELFISH-The Kid LAROI
SAME ENERGY- The Kid Laroi
good 4 u-Olivia Rodrigo
Cute Without the “E” (Cut from the Team)-Taking Back Sunday
Sugar, We’re Going Down-Fall Out Boy
Tell that Mick He Just Made My List of Things To Do Today-Fall Out Boy
The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes-Fall Out Boy
traitor-Olivia Rodrigo
Better Than Revenge -Taylor Swift
Push-Matchbox Twenty
You Oughta Know-Alanis Morissette
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together-Taylor Swift
Stronger Than Me-Amy Winehouse
Priest-Julia Michaels
Sorry-Beyonce
Death by a Thousand Cuts-Taylor Swift
Closure-Taylor Swift
Look What You Made Me Do-Taylor Swift
Your Name Hurts-Hailee Steinfeld
Great Romances of the 20th Century-Taking Back Sunday
Lying Is The Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Her Clothes Off- Panic! At the Disco
BEST FOR ME-The Kid LAROI
I Bet You Think About Me-Taylor Swift
This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things-Taylor Swift
Head Club-Taking Back Sunday
Screaming Infidelities-Dashboard Confessional
Ignore Me-Betty
Sue Me-Sabrina Carpenter
Below are links to the playlist for your listening pleasure:
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2002 acerca de John. Estaba bien enfadada que el me rechazo y abandono porque su madre no aprobaba de mi.
eso
Tu moriste para mi Cuando te fuiste de aquí Y decidiste que yo no era más Que una de tus muchas faldas Pero tu te equivocaste Al pensar que yo soy cualquier otra mujer NO! Yo soy algo divino y estupendo Que pena que tuviste miedo Pero sabes algo Ya no hay modo De que algún día te perdone porque eres un cobarde Y ya no me importa de amar tu nunca fuiste capaz Y quizás es mejor así Ya no me puedes herir Y habré llorado bastante pero de mi ya no te doy un instante
I wrote this about John in 2002 after he ghosted me after taking me to see his mom. His mother didn’t approve of me-an uneducated single mom. It was rough and of course I took it personally. So John fell off my pedestal and it was a long fall.
truth
Perhaps you feel too smart to let someone as ordinary as me into your heart Perhaps you think I’m not good enough to be deserving of your love Perhaps you are only sure I’m just good for pleasure Perhaps you wear a know it all smirk And believe I’m just like any other girl Perhaps you believe in your head I’m only good to warm up your bed But darling I’m sorry to say You won’t get your way Because I respect myself too much To let myself melt with your touch Because I am worth a lot more than any of your trophy whores Because I have an actual mind Without you I’ll be just fine But mostly because I would never fall For someone so extremely false
My relationship with music is probably the healthiest life long relationships I’ve ever had. I honestly don’t know what I would do without it. I listen to music as a way to process both the bad and good things that happen in my life. Music is one of my favorite coping mechanisms I have when I’m having strong emotions. I have a playlist for almost any kind of mood or emotion you might be having: Feeling Sexy- I have a playlist for that, Feeling like a Bad Bitch -I have a playlist for that, Feeling like Your Heart has been shattered in a million pieces and you’re gonna be alone forever- I have a playlist for that too. I like to listen to music first thing in the morning to get my day going. I also listen to it throughout the work day to break up the monotony of the day. Sometimes I even spontaneously serenade my coworkers with my horrendous singing-haha. Music has saved me on numerous occasions from the bad and intrusive thoughts I do have from time to time. I also love to listen to super loud music when I’m power walking and jogging. I listen to all kinds of music from gangsta rap to mainstream pop to boleros. My favorites artists are usually singer songwriters like Taylor Swift, The KID Laroi, Shakira, and Alejandro Sanz. I am super fortunate to be bilingual so I have a huge music catalogue to choose from. No matter what happens in my life, music has always been a way to either help calm me down when I’m angry or perk me up when I get in one of depressive moods. I will be sharing some of the playlists I listen to depending on my moods. Below is a link to posts about a few of my playlists.
Escribí este poema en el 2002 acerca de Matt, el padre de mi hijo mayor. Estaba bien amarga y desilusionada con el de nuevo después de que el nos rechazo otra vez mas.
verdad
Un día veras Que no podrás mas Y te arrepentirás De día que decidiste olvidarte De ese niño y esa mujer Quien te pedía que te acuerdes Que duro sera Tendría que explicarle a él Que tu su padre nunca quisiste ser Y Un día pensaras Que error fue dejarlos atrás Y tus lágrimas saldrán Por no poder parar El odio y rencor que él sentirá Y Un día sera muy tarde Para querer ser su papa
Life on the BPD 