poetry: integration
I wrote this poem in October of 2022.
The scared and anxious little girl and the insecure and clingy woman tug at me-
I try to avoid them and lock them up in a box, but it never happens that way
They refuse to go away when a trigger of trauma visits me
And once again, I am lost in the alter ego I made up to protect myself
the one who shows up in confidence and screams through her poetry
but if I want to reach integration
I need to allow the little girl and the insecure woman space to reside within me
and honor them with powerful words of praise
because they, too, were part of my strength and resilience through the many traumas
It may feel painful at times-but for me to get to become a whole person
and reach emotional maturity – I need to walk hand in hand with the ones
who made me the powerful and confident woman I currently am
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poesía: quien soy
here’s the english version of this poem:
Poetry: Last Week
no se quien soy-esa es mi verdad
todos tienen sus opiniones acerca de quién soy
o quien debo ser
Madres, hija, trabajadora, estudiante, hermana y novia
son los papeles asignaron a mi-
pero me siento una impostora, una fracasada en todos esos roles
y sin saber quien soy debajo de las capas de estas identidades forzadas
sobre mi persona-
quien soy, quien soy, quien soy
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poetry: deer in the runner’s eyes
I wrote this poem in October of 2022.
Running away from my feelings, running away from my thoughts
I will my legs to keep going as they start to groan
and threaten to turn to mush
the autumn sun shines on me and this should lift my spirits
but the gloom stay within as I run, run, run
Running away from my feelings, running away from my thoughts
I still hate everything-especially myself
Thinking of all my wrongs and how I’m doomed to a life
of solitary confinement
Will I ever fix what’s wrong with me?
and then I see it-a deer a few yards away from me
3 second glances are exchanged it runs across the road
away from me-
and something shifts in me
hope is awakened with a reminder of nature’s splendor
it puts everything in perspective
I am but a speck in the universe
a creation of GOD
It’s a waste to focus on past regrets and could’ve beens
I need to seize the moment of what is and what could be-
and I run on to the next chapter of my life
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poesía: el accidente
here’s the english version of this poem:
Poetry: Lost
Perdida en frustracion y desesperacion, no se que voy a hacer-
Por fin, estaba tomando pasos para un futuro mejor
pero de nuevo me encuentro con otro obstáculo por mi culpa
porque qué diablos no mire bien antes de salir en la calle
y en un santo amén perdi mi independencia
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poetry: time
I wrote this poem in October of 2022.
“This is your time” the moon goddess whispers to me in a dream
she puts her hand on my shoulder and a jolt of magic spread throughout my body
I stumble and almost fall-
but catch myself in time to stand up-and feel my power rise within
I am invincible, I am empowered, I am ready to fulfill my potential
and claim my success
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Song of the Day 🤣 It’s 2023 me vs. 2019 me 🤣
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poesía: no se como
here’s the english version of this poem:
Poetry: Dear Son
Quiero lo mejor para ti-porque te lo mereces,
porque tu no pediste ser parte de este mundo
pero la sigo regando con mis decisiones impulsivas
con mis estupideces
y no se como voy a salir de esta última atrocidad cometida
que afectará el futuro de los dos
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poesía: en un santo amén
here’s the English version of this poem:
Poetry: Puppet
me tenías como un titere siempre arrastrándome
de acuerdo a lo que tu querías, a lo que tu necesitabas
nunca preguntándome o pensando en lo que necesitaba
y aun así en un santo amén cortaste nuestro cuento de amor
porque aunque yo deje que me me jales a tu antojo
todavía no fui suficiente para ti y perdiste interés en mi
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Song of the Day 🥳😘 “but I am the better one”😘🥳
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poesía: envidia
here’s the english version of this poem:
todos nos envidian y me tiran indirectas y insultos
porque una generación nos separa,
porque dicen que no soy suficiente para ti
pero ellos no entienden que has sido el primero
en tratarme como un princesa,
el primero en amarme de verdad
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poetry: Kailua Beach
Aqui esta la version en Espanol:
poesia: Aqui
walking along Kailua Beach-remembering the young and impulsive girl I once was
always jumping without looking, always falling in love without thinking
until one day, it all caught up with me and I was ostracized and had to leave
and 4 years later I’m back to the place that brought me so much trauma and chaos
and while I could dwell on my past wrongs and misdeeds
today I’m choosing to give grace and forgiveness to my younger self
who didn’t know any better, who was still discovering who she was
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Song of the Day 😪 “I never strayed too far from the sidewalk” 😪
poetry: forever and always
I wrote this poem in October of 2022.
I no longer believe in always and forever
because everyone I’ve loved has always left
Or I’ve stopped loving them
always and forever is a fairytale programmed into me
when I was a young girl
It made me believe in the impossible dreams of true love and soul mates
the only thing love has ever brought me has been anger, sorrow, and self destruction
so my dreams of always and forever have burned to ashes
I bury in my poetry
Life on the BPD 