Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: purpose

I wrote this poem in January of 2024.

that cabinet also brings purpose to my life- it holds almost all of my stories

Open mics, family, karaoke nights, dance parties,
Tarot readings, poems written on sticky notes,
Epiphany after epiphany about how I have always been worthy,
Long conversation about life in coffee shops,
Trips to my dad’s hometown, sharing silly verses with friends
making dumb videos, coffee cups that say main character energy
dancing in car while I drive, taking picture of the moon
and everything else that brings me joy,
and every single experienced Ive lived,
every single person I’ve loved
is what my life’s purpose is about
It’s joy,hate, love, anger, empathy, envy
it all brings purpose to my wretched everyday
existence

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: community

I wrote this poem in January of 2024.

my community is my three of cups

while I’ve been obsessed with everything that has gone wrong with my life
I’m learning to finally acknowledge everything that went right
always been blessed to have a community of friends
who loved and accept me as the crazy and creative mess that I have always been
for that I am most grateful to the universe
the ultimate gift of friendship

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

poetry: tonight

I wrote this poem in January of 2024.

me at open mic-my happy place

we gather here tonight
to share the most vulnerable parts of ourselves
through poems written on a whim, in cars,
inspired by dreams and tragedies
and everything in between
some of it will be meaningful
some of it will be nonsense
most of the time, it will be someone
trying to make sense of the world
with a few phrases and sentences
clumsily strung together
and calling it poetry

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poetry: utopia

this poem is inspired by the 2006, “let’s go to your store”

Poetry: Let’s Go To Your Store
utopia according to AI

take me on a tour of your utopia
the one you always talk about
the one where mental illness doesn’t exist
and we all go to sleep without the need
of meds and sleepytime tea
the one where everyone is respected
and being different is celebrated
and not used as fodder for insults or war

Posted on by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

poetry: another new year

I wrote this poem in January of 2024.

I love being a dumpster phoenix

another new year is here
another season of my life
will soon be renewed
more chances for new experiences
and adventures
more opportunities to fuck things up
and give fodder to the inner critic in me
to emotionally beat me up
more time to question myself
am I doing enough for me and my kids
to prosper
more moments of joy and laughter
with my boys as they get older
and continue to find their autonomy
more grief and sadness as the working class
and marginalized communities
continue to be stepped on
more memories made that ignite a spark
of creativity within me
another new year
another transformation under construction

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

day 11 of Patty: the last drop

I wrote this poem in November of 2024.

the wine that inspired this poem

I drank the last drop of the wine you gave me
as I sing out my guts to lyrics
that reminds me of you
the worst of my ideas,
the worst of my crimes
I drank the last drop of the wine you gave me
hoping that this is the last bit of closure
I need from you
and that from now on
we’ll both live our lives free and clear
of each other
and soon you both fade into
the background of my memory
and soon you stop showing up
in my dreams

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day 10 of Patty: low rent version of Bennifer

I wrote this poem in October of 2024.

my low rent bennifer phase lasted a total of 19 days before I blocked him

just call me J.Lo without the ass because my ex
(if we can even call him that) came back to me
after 2 years of sobriety
we’re the low rent version of Bennifer
except we’re not millionaires
or celebrities (yet)
I’m just a working class immigrant poet
and he’s my ex whatevership Nordic muse

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day 3 of Patty: mirror, mirror

I wrote this poem in March of 2024.

the only hero I ever needed was me

for almost three years I’ve been waiting for the next guy to appear
as some kind of hero, as some kind of reward for all of my effort
I’ve put into myself and the life I’ve built
Subconsciously I did this
Even as I publicly roared about being empowered on my own
I still wanted someone to be my sanctuary to lay my love in
And I wrote, manifested, schemed, flirted
got obsessed with men who were just meant to be friends
Thinking, gosh, if I hang on long enough, he’ll come around
this might work out
but today I discovered the only hero for me
is the woman in the mirror
who still manages to get out of bed
even on the bad days when she’s too tired to function
when she’s exhausted by all of it

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: sorry for sleeping with your husband

I wrote this poem in December of 2023.

I was barely just surviving- Conan Gray

sorry for sleeping with your husband
I was raised better than to covet my neighbor’s spouse
I knew better than to listen to my impulsive and drunk hormones
and while I could say I was caught up in the moment
of music and alcohol
it’s not an excuse for the sin I committed
it’s a misdeed that I still regret 22 years later
because I hate to think that maybe I was the final straw
that broke up your marriage
because guilt sits at the bottom of my stomach
wondering if I wrecked an otherwise happy home
and ruined an epic love story
and if it eases your mind
karma did get me in the end
I married the wrong person
and suffered through toxic codependency and polyamory
Eventually having a mental breakdown
because of how overwhelming it all got
and ending up divorced with me alone
without any romantic prospects
I learned 22 years too late
what is done secretly and illicitly in the heat of the moment
comes back later to haunt you
comes back to haunt your subconscious in dreams
until you’re ready to acknowledge it and make amends

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

poetry: the costs of integration

I wrote this poem in November of 2023.

the costs were worth it for the peace I have now

I had to give up a lot of fun things in my life
to get to integration
an alcohol dependency, a shopping addiction,
Relationships and sex-
and the last thing was energy drinks
This was all for me to become the mom my kids
always deserved
it was needed for me to meet my higher self
who makes decisions with compassion and love
Instead of out of ego
It was needed for me to start living
in the most authentic way possible
and while I could dwell on all
of the fun things I lost
I now look at it as a blessing needed for clarity
and to make space for this new version of me
who no longer hides her jagged edges
for the comfort of others
Who loves who she is and no longer
Wants to be anyone else
Who finds peace in solitude
and is no longer scared of it
my integration of self costs me many things
I was addicted to
but it was worth it for the woman I am today
for the beautiful life I’m currently living

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

poetry: clarity

I wrote this poem in November of 2023.

freedom is solitude

with solitude comes clarity and peace of  mind
I no longer rely on the actions of words of others
to validate my existence
I no longer feel like less of a person
because of the whims of others
with solitude comes an understanding
that being alone is the best way for me
to succeed in my recovery journey
because any extra energy derails me
from the woman of worth I’m becoming

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poetry: ivory tower problems

I wrote this poem in October of 2023.

a collage of me in my kroger garb

I’m starting to radically accept someone like me
will always be judged differently from my peers
it doesn’t matter how many degrees I have-
how much I code switch to fit in-
it will never be enough to be truly accepted
so I’ll smile and nod while they complain
about ivory tower problems
while I roll my eyes inside my mind-
man, I really wish I had your problems Susan
but I got to go to my second job now

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: river

I wrote this poem in October of 2022.

ain’t that the truth

the river of my love for you dried and at first I cried
but then it felt like freedom, it felt like happiness
to no longer obsess over someone who treated me like shit
to feel nothing for someone who caused me a world of pain
over and over again
Does this mean I finally learned my worth?

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poetry: keep driving

I wrote this poem in June of 2023.

driving anxiety be dammed

every time I drive somewhere new I’m beyond terrified
doubts about driving skills cloud me and I want to break down
and panic in the middle of traffic
but I push through my fears, my insecurities, and keep driving
I can’t be weighed down by who I used to be
A woman reliant on the transportation of others
A woman fearful of living a full life
that is my old story
and it’s not that I hate that version of myself
I just refused to hold myself hostage by my past
which tries to hold me back from
being the independent woman I was always meant to be

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: whoa

I wrote this poem in October of 2023.

it’s my vibe

In the isolation of my solitude
I try to find grace and compassion
that’s evading me
I try to ground myself in my writing
and music
because I don’t want to talk about it
and I’d rather let out my tears
in the comfort of my bedroom
or on my notebooks
because last time I let someone in
on my crazy, they left
they always leave me