What’s the cost of being authentically me? not everyone will like me, lovers will run away from me I have a hard time finding someone who accepts me but it’s fine, it’s okay my worth means more to me than anyone who wants me to swallow parts of myself to accommodate to them because my self-esteem means more than acting like someone else’s dream so maybe the cost of being truly me is low compared to the parts of my true self I would lose for false friendships and false loves
I’m a lone brunette wolf in a world full of blonde sheep my exes always preferred blondes over me I never knew exactly why perhaps blondes really do have more fun perhaps blondes are easier to manipulate this used to bother me greatly, even robbed me of my sanity and sleep but eventually I had a great epiphany the one meant for me will not just love how sweet I can be He’ll also love and encourage the savage in me he’ll know how to ride the turbulent waves of my mood swings I’m not sure if I’ll meet him soon or if he even exists but after this grand epiphany I no longer care about my exes and their blonde sheep In fact, I wish them all the best fairytale ending
my poetry has never been to get attention, likes, comments, validation and while I appreciate all those things I have to be honest – my poetry is and will always be for me to speak my truth, to process my feelings, to heal from life’s tragedies to understand myself and learn to love myself as I am my poetry is the ultimate love letter to myself and the universe
by the fireside I fall in love again and this time I’m sure because before I met him I knew I was enough before I met him I knew I was complete before he was even a thought in my mind he knew all about me before I knew anything about him he’s read my poetry and nothing I’ve written scares him to him I’m more than a pretty girl to him I’m more than my diagnosis to him I’m more than my chaotic past because unlike the others, he sees my humanity he sees my perseverance and resilience and to him, I’ve become his everything
does a scorpion sting when fighting back? -Taylor Swift
I overthink, I overthink and I overthink and my head hurts from so much anxiety Society puts so much pressure on me to be nice, to be pretty to be kind, to be smart the stress is tearing me apart but slowly I start to breathe and the pressure starts to decrease I change the narrative And stop with listening to my inner critic Fuck societal expectations so what if I’m an aberration the only person who determines my identity is me not you, not him,not my parents and not society
I love to play the game of love recklessly gambling with my sanity, gambling with my worth gambling with my self-esteem losing every single time But I love love So I’ll repeat this insanity until self-love is enough
hope appears in the leaves dancing on an almost spring day and I sit in stillness and silence wondering what it means Admiring the splendor of nature before me understanding how beauty is found in the ordinary
He came into my life on a cold february night- He decided to make a dramatic entrance on my 24th birthday He didn’t mean to steal my thunder as he tried to make his entrance-a month beforehand But fortunately the doctors stopped his almost too sudden arrival But that cold February night- was the right time for him I wanted to go the natural route but he had other plans with the horrible pain he caused EPIDURAL PLEASE-LIKE RIGHT NOW OR I DON’T KNOW HOW I’M GETTING THIS CHILD OUT Within minutes he was out and once again I was in love but this time with the life I created
I’m graduating from writing about revenge and everyone who has harmed me I’m switched this narrative from woman scorned and full of spite To a woman reborned opened to love and joy in life While it’s fun to be petty and mean It’s better for me to reclaim the corny romantic in me the one I’ve kept hidden for 18 months the one who cries at the end of rom coms the one who’s desperate to fall in love again to continue this narrative about how I’m in love with my solitude no longer suits me when I have a universe of love to give
me on my birthday last year, this heroine spent her birthday working…
I’m at year 42 and I’m only getting started on my heroine’s journey I’ve learned so much about myself and my toxic patterns in year 41 I understand now how my overreactions, my need to avoid conflict my need to please were all trauma responses learned from childhood where my emotions were never validated I now hold a world of knowledge, confidence, and power within me and on year 42, I ready to act like the badass Incan Queen I make myself out to be Except this year I’ll act out of love and compassion and not out of revenge and spite even when I’m pissed, angry at someone or at something I need to dig in deep and feel that grief instead of immediately throwing out accusations and blaming everyone but me Understand it’s me projecting my insecurities This year I’ll continue my heroine’s journey in healing and recovery but I’ll try to do it more with grace, with intent and compassion for myself and others I’ll cover myself in love from God, the universe, and my ancestors with all of that love act out of a pure and intentional energy that will continue to help grow and evolve
Life on the BPD 